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Devon Malcolm

Everybody loves shit neighbours

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Fuck me, and I think I have it bad with the guy upstairs letting his kid run around the apartment when he has him over the weekends, forcing me to have to notch up the sound on my telly a few levels.

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When I was just hitting my teens, we had awful trouble from a family across the road. A couple of years prior my folks moved us from the council estate I grew up in to an even somehow worse part of the town (Ballyfermot, for any Irish / Dubliners on here).

They were a proper scumbag family across the way. On a cul de sac of about five rough as arsehole families, they were the absolute worst. There were two brothers in that house who terrorised the street for ages. They broke into several houses there over the years and just kicked the living shite out of people for no reason, me and my brother included. The mum of the brothers of course would deny her sons would be capable of anything like that. The older brother tried to rob the local SuperValu with a banana under his jacket which kept him quiet for a bit. My Dad got in the most trouble during this time as he had a fierce temper back in them days. After he'd find needles on the street or find they'd dumped booze cans all over our garden or they'd beaten up my brother again, he'd confront the family (usually with a bat in hand and one time a hammer). He wouldn't actually use these, it was just something to approach the household as there was always about 10 - 15 local scummers always hanging around in their front garden. He did kick the shit out of several members of the family though to the amusement of most of the street and smashed an ashtray over the head of the Dad of the family.

We moved out not long after someone was shot dead in next doors back garden. They were hopping the garden fences running from someone they owed money to.

Both brothers of that family are dead now. Drug overdoses about three years apart.

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1 hour ago, Chest Rockwell said:

I'm not in bad mood or grumpy about it at all. I thought you were being genuine and I was surprised. There's a lot of misconceptions about Islam, it wasn't that far fetched...

Obviously I should have bolded 'you' in my original post. I don't think even SpursRiot would let SpursRiot near his own prayer mat with a beer.

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4 hours ago, Devon Malcolm said:

Obviously I should have bolded 'you' in my original post. I don't think even SpursRiot would let SpursRiot near his own prayer mat with a beer.

2010/11 SpursRiot certainly not. 2018 SpursRiot? You're only risking a little bit of Pepsi Max Cherry on it.

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Judging by the volume of that stuff you drink, you were probably healthier on the grog.

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7 hours ago, Devon Malcolm said:

Judging by the volume of that stuff you drink, you were probably healthier on the grog.

Depends what your definition of healthy is. I'm certainly not rampaging through the streets of Tottenham until the cops arrive to take me away because I've had too much Pepsi Max Cherry.

In another example of being a bad neighbour, in the same home we are discussing, in a fit of drunken hatred for myself, I once punched out my own bedroom window. Of course, I cut the absolute shite put of my hand and arm and there was blood not just all over my room, but in all the common areas as well. When I got back from the hospital, I did my best to clean up and then had no window to close in the dead of winter.

I was really fucked up back then. And my therapist reckons I should embrace those elements of personality again? He's a mad man.

Edited by SpursRiot2012

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It's 2am, I'm trying to sleep. Your collective mams and dads banging my door for a bit of BazTNM has to stop. We're all nieghbours now.

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In the flat below me used to live an old lady who had a bit of a drink problem, but was friendly enough. She was severely agoraphobic, so rarely went further than arm's reach from her back door and relied on her daughter for shopping and stuff.
Then she let her son move in with her as he had an ankle tag on and so needed an addressed to be restricted to for his curfew. As it was a one bedroom flat, she had to give up her living room so that it could become his bedroom. From there it was a constant train of fuck knows who going in and out, and she was forced out to live with her daughter. The flat, still in her name and paid for by her housing benefit became a drug house with his junkie mates turning up all through the night, skanky "Becca" from across the road who was probably just sucking his dick for crack, and people that he'd fucked over and wanted to kill him. The police would regularly turn up and put the door in looking for him too.

The landlords didn't really give a shit as they were still getting paid, and it took months of arguing and pointing out the damage they were causing to the property before they half arsed themselves into doing something about it, by which time the scrotey son was in jail for a string of burglaries.

His cousin, who was a regular visitor, is apparently immortalised on YouTube as "bloke having screaming fit in the street whilst on mamba".

The landlord, never to disappoint, have stripped out the flat, redecorated it, new kitchen and bathroom, etc. and stuck a guy in with a long history of heavy cannabis use and believes that he once heard two paedophiles in William Hill plotting to kidnap Madeleine McCann two years before it happened, and has been trying to meet up with Kate and Gerry ever since.

And to think that my Dad used to moan that the Chinese family we lived next door to would sometimes have their TV on a bit loud.

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Bloke round the corner from my parents house used to get pissed up a lot and end up asleep in various peoples gardens.  Not that bas in the great scheme of things, but he also had a false hand that he used to frequently loose, and he’d be banging on doors at 4 in the morning looking for it.  Often, you’d see one of the local dogs trotting by with it in their mouth.

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These days I worry that I'm the shit neighbour. I live in one of six flats above a car showroom, and aside from next door, have basically never seen any of my neighbours in the 18 months I've lived there, aside from maybe once or twice passing someone on the stairs.

Next door are a bloody nuisance, though not in any particularly entertaining way. No idea how many people live there, as people seem to be in and out throughout the day, but the one woman who definitely lives there will go outside for a fag on a walkway that's directly in front of my living room window. While out there, without fail, she'll either be on the phone, or watching a YouTube video on her phone so loud that it's drowning out my TV even with the windows closed. Several times a day. 

Previous place was in-between a halfway house for a mental health charity, and a single Mum with a kid that had Downs Syndrome and Autism. He was a good lad, but when we first moved in he used to wander into our place from time to time if we left the front door unlocked, and one summer he did nothing but listen to "Jammin'" by Bob Marley on repeat all day while jumping on his trampoline. 

Blokes from the halfway house were usually alright, but there were a couple of them that would just openly piss in their front garden when they went out for a fag, and one who would just scream horribly in the middle of the night. So that was a fun few months.

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1 hour ago, BomberPat said:

These days I worry that I'm the shit neighbour.

If that's your worry, chances are you're not a shit neighbour.

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We have just had the weirdest shit neighbour(well people on the same street) issue ever. About 3 weeks ago, Colin our (decent) next door neighbour asked us if we'd seen any foxes or similar size wildlife/stray dog s knocking around the street, as the back of his house was covered in about 8 dollops of shit(the highest about 12 inches from the ground, hence why he thought it was an animal). It was proper slapped on the wall and you could see it must have been done with some force. It confused us all. Then about a week later, he knocked again saying there was more shit, but this time it was even further up the wall and also on the front of his house too. It was like someone had been playing shitty battleships using his house as a board. Again, it confused the fuck out of us.

Anyway, he decided to set some GoPro cameras up in his garden to see what kind of hell's spawn of an animal could be splattering his house with turd. There was nothing for about a week, then he caught the culprits in the act. Turns out the local scrubbers kids(about 13 and 15) years old had been collecting their dogs shit, and using one of these dog ball throwers to pelt his house with it. No idea why, and when the police went to confront them, they simply said it was "for something to do". Colin is trying to get the police to charge them with criminal damage, but it looks like they will just be given(another) ASBO...

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2 minutes ago, Carbomb said:

If that's your worry, chances are you're not a shit neighbour.

That's a fair point. I just tend to think, when none of the others are particularly shit, maybe that does make me the shit one. And, being a little bit deaf in one ear, I'm not very good at gauging volume, so sometimes worry that I might be listening to music or watching TV too loud or whatever, or making too much noise when I come home pissed. 

I've not yet attempted to strangle myself in front of the flats, though, so I could be worse.

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The coming year's student tenants are starting to move in. I was awake til nearly 6 this morning because of the racket from a housewarming party a few doors down, then got woken up just before 9 by some girls outside shouting, cackling and "singing". They're still going strong now, almost two hours later.

Fair enough if you're in halls where 99% of people probably behave mostly the same way, but once you move into a residential area I'm fairly sure carrying on regardless makes you an inconsiderate bellend. Or perhaps it makes me a grumpy old man. But that's nothing new.

Edited by CAREBEAR LUVVA

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