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Devon Malcolm

Everybody loves shit neighbours

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I have a story in which the bad neighbour was me.

During a particularly shitty time in my life, I was almost basically homeless. Luckily a housing charity was able to find me a room in a shared house. I shared the house with three Somalian Muslims and I was drinking a lot at the time.

One time, the upstairs guy invited me to hang out in his room. One thing led to another and I accidently spilt beer on his prayer rug. Needless to say, he wasn't pleased.

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1 hour ago, SpursRiot2012 said:

I shared the house with three Somalian Muslims and I was drinking a lot at the time.

One time, the upstairs guy invited me to hang out in his room. One thing led to another and I accidently spilt beer on his prayer rug. Needless to say, he wasn't pleased.

This sounds like it could be from a comedy sitcom. 

I'm quite lucky with my neighbours compared to some of the horror stories on here. We've got an old couple on one side who are a typically nosey but friendly pair. On the other a younger could who are renting who have a garden like Jurassic Park and are obsessed with birds. Last summer my cat jumped on the fence to try and catch a bird and the girl broke down. Like legitimately sobbing. Even though the bird got away. Me and the missus had to go back indoors so she didn't hear us laughing at her.

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I've had some right pain in the arse neighbours upstairs over the last 18 months. It's a two bedroom flat with a lad in one room and a girl in the other, both in their mid-20s, and neither particularly friendly. 

He has the worst taste in music (the stuff a dad might hear on Radio 2 and think was cool and modern) and listens to everything far too loud, often the same song on repeat, and he also makes the most peculiar and repulsive moaning and groaning noises that I've always assumed is something to do with sexytime. Imagine the sound a zombie cow might make and you're probably along the right lines. 

She's the most heavy-footed person I've ever known, spending most of her time stamping around the place non-stop which has made sleeping a nightmare because her room is directly above mine. She's also got an insanely loud voice, to the point where I can hear her entire side of conversations. And she's got a right attitide on her - most of the time she's bitching, complaining or arguing, shouting down the phone while trying to demolish the room with her shoes. 

I was over the moon the other day when I noticed him putting a load of boxes and furniture into a van, then it got even better the next morning when she started shifting all her gear as well. The pair of them have been gone for two days now, and I've had the best couple of nights sleep I've had in ages. There's always the possibility of the new tenants being just as bad, but for the time being the peace and quiet is absolutely wonderful. 

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A few years back when i moved in with my then girlfriend, i found out on the day we were moving in that my next doot neighbour was a girl from school who once busted busted my head open at school for no reason and was generally one of the most horrible human beings you could ever wish to meet. Needless to say i was fucking devastated when i found out. A few weeks after her brother was released from prison and ended up living there too. They both disappeared eventually and i never had any real issue with them, but i'll never forget that feeling of when i found out who was living next door to me.

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4 hours ago, SpursRiot2012 said:

One time, the upstairs guy invited me to hang out in his room. One thing led to another and I accidently spilt beer on his prayer rug. Needless to say, he wasn't pleased.

This doesn't make any sense. Why did he let you have beer in his room in the first place?

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3 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said:

This doesn't make any sense. Why did he let you have beer in his room in the first place?

Because it was in liberal London, innit.

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13 hours ago, Devon Malcolm said:

This doesn't make any sense. Why did he let you have beer in his room in the first place?

I don't really remember. Although he did smoke a lot of weed, so I wouldn't say he was the strictest of practicing Muslims.

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Why wouldn't he let him have a beer in the room, if they were hanging out? It's not a no beer zone, he just doesn't drink it himself. There's not a rule that he can't be around it at all...

That's a very odd take on the situation, Devon.

Edited by Chest Rockwell

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I would respond but fear that anecdotes of trying to find which farmer owned the latest sheep and cattle to run amok in our front yard isn't quite in keeping with the character of the thread.

These were our neighbours...

 

Screenshot 2018-07-30 at 10.11.40.png

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17 minutes ago, Chest Rockwell said:

Why wouldn't he let him have a beer in the room, if they were hanging out? It's not a no beer zone, he just doesn't drink it himself. There's not a rule that he can't be around it at all...

That's a very odd take on the situation, Devon.

What are you taking my remark so seriously for? I mean, would you let SpursRiot near any of your more valued stuff?

You never did shake off those morning blues!

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20 minutes ago, garynysmon said:

I would respond but fear that anecdotes of trying to find which farmer owned the latest sheep and cattle to run amok in our front yard isn't quite in keeping with the character of the thread.

These were our neighbours...

 

Screenshot 2018-07-30 at 10.11.40.png

Watch out for those racists!

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19 minutes ago, SpursRiot2012 said:

I don't really remember. Although he did smoke a lot of weed, so I wouldn't say he was the strictest of practicing Muslims.

It's an odd one, but it largely hinges on what one means by "strict". There are Muslims that live by the letter of the law, and those who live by the spirit of it, and both can be strict in their interpretations.

Cases in point: Indian Muslims have historically been in the most part from the Sufi tradition, which is mostly pacifist, open-minded, and as a result, they tend to follow the spirit of the law, i.e. they don't just follow what's written, they follow what's implied by it. Looking at the rules about pork and alcohol, they extrapolate that the basic premise is simply "do not harm the body that God gave you", and consequently they consider things that post-date the writing of the Qur'an, such as smoking tobacco and the harmful use of drugs, as implicit in that. By extension, they may, on occasion, countenance the consumption of very small amounts of alcohol because it can be good for health; likewise the taking of some drugs, provided it's not to harmful excess. Mauritian Muslims are the same, and for a long time East African Muslims in places like Zanzibar and Somalia were similar. 

However, there are also a lot of Muslims who live by the letter of the law; you can see this mainly in the Wahhabists of the Arab peninsula, but also a lot throughout conservative, fundamentalist/obscurantist Islam, which sadly dominates the Islamic world at present. They won't drink or eat pork, but they will smoke or take drugs to harmful levels because the Qur'an doesn't explicitly ban them. A lot of them also won't wear most mainstream fragrances, as they have an alcohol base, but will wear fragrances with an oud resin base instead.

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2 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

Watch out for those racists!

The glory days of the late 80's, when no Englishman's holiday home was safe from arson.

Edited by garynysmon

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3 minutes ago, Devon Malcolm said:

What are you taking my remark so seriously for? I mean, would you let SpursRiot near any of your more valued stuff?

You never did shake off those morning blues!

I'm not in bad mood or grumpy about it at all. I thought you were being genuine and I was surprised. There's a lot of misconceptions about Islam, it wasn't that far fetched...

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In fairness, I was a little surprised too, but mainly because D-Mal comes across as quite clued-up usually, so this seemed a bit out-of-form for him.

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