Everybody loves shit neighbours

[Carbomb]

Just now, SuperBacon said:

AKA the hottest anyone has ever looked

No.
 

Quote

and the only time when flag shagging was acceptable. 

Yes.

[SuperBacon]

2 minutes ago, Carbomb said:

No.

Who do you think you are?

[Carbomb]

9 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

Who do you think you are?

Not what you wanna be

[johnnyboy]

2 hours ago, Carbomb said:

Not what you wanna be

Stop right now!  Thank you very much.

[Nexus]

Oh I have something to contribute to this thread now! 

 

 

Our new neighbours moved in about two months ago, and within three days had knocked up a temporary/flat pack studio out the back, a bit like an old portacabin classroom. Turns out it's a nail studio, and so the woman has been advertising on Facebook that her new studio is ** ***** *** (our road). This is very annoying for two main reasons:

a) There's two lights, one on the outside (like a PIR but always on) which shines ridiculously brightly late at night, if they forget to turn it off, and a second an LED light inside the studio which is just annoying to look at. 

b) There are people coming and going all day, pinging off the ring doorbell, and more irritatingly parking in my!!! (non-assigned) space. Parking's pretty bad at the best of times, but it's rather annoying when on-road parking in front of my house is taken up by random cars. 

 

I don't want to go full "erm actually do you have permission to be running a nail studio out of your back yard", but it's just annoying that there was no real heads up about "btw we're going to be building this and so this is going to cause x y and z to happen" - just out of politeness if nothing else. What's funny is that one night one of their mates who was helping them inside the house did come round to tell us at 8pm he was drilling to fit a TV, which was a 30 second job, whereas the other, heavier work has had no warning. 

 

Still, it could be worse. They could have a flag outside.

 

[SuperBacon]

Neighbours missus has just left him. Previous readers will know him as "bangs his door cunt" 

He was in the street crying "Carly come back!!!" as she drove off with the dog. Excellent, he is a FUCKING CUNT. Hope he has a dreadful rest of his Sunday, month, year. Cunt.

[Nexus]

Going back to our previous neighbours - their family has been over the past two weeks. How do I know that? Because it's been non-stop DIY! 

 

Ripped out their bathroom and replaced it (the previous owners only replaced the bathroom 2 years ago), had power tools going every day from about 8am until 9pm, and then have also had parties in the back yard on a weeknight until 11/12. 

 

Went round and asked how much longer they'd be 9 days ago. They said 2 days. They're still not done. 

 

Very annoying. 

[Surf Digby]

On 2/17/2024 at 11:19 PM, Surf Digby said:

He's still here, he's still a cunt.

He's still here, he's still a massive cunt.

A couple of years ago, he put up CCTV in the communal garden. Not aimed at the gate, or his door, but basically pointed at where we would be. At the time I suspected that he was monitoring our comings and goings to satisfy his paranoia. The landlord told him that if he was going to have CCTV up, he had to comply with GDPR. He said that he wasn't willing to, and so took the CCTV down.

A few weeks ago, my daughter spotted that it was back up, again pointing into where we would be, but hidden inside an old air vent. We have no idea how long it's been there, so we let the landlord know. They came out, old cuntchops claimed he had no idea he had to comply with GDPR, and said it was to prevent people tampering with his plants.

So now he's unhappy with me, and he's trying to be as big a cunt as possible to wind me up. 

A couple of weeks ago I spotted him getting all his waste together in a big pile in the garden, and I knew from previous occasions that he would just dump it over the wall into the street. I set up my video camera on a window ledge, and sure enough, he dumps it onto top the already existing pile that he's always denied is from him.

So, I now have four videos of him tipping his waste over the wall, and I send them to the housing officer. Of course he tries to deny it, but he's in the fucking videos, clear as day, so he tries to convince them that he always intended to get rid of it (bearing in mind, the waste from 3 years ago is still there). Housing tell me that he has the weekend to get rid of it, or they'll take action. Monday comes, it's still there. 

Today it's windy as fuck. It's not the ideal day for burning a load of dried out garden waste, in the street, four feet from someone's car (in this case, mine). 

I updated housing. The Police were informed (apparently they were out on Saturday because he was pissed up and causing a nuisance), and they said that the fire service needed to attend, so they turned up and told him he was an idiot.

He's really not happy with me.

[Statto]

Temporary neighbours (fortunately) but can't think of a better place for this.

Been camping over the weekend, nice no frills site, predictably heaving but really nice atmosphere. Plenty of people playing music all day and obviously lots of kids playing noisily but that's all good.

Quiet time comes around and everyone adheres within about 15 mins (again all good IMO) - except the couple in the tent diagonally adjacent to ours who (having spent the last few hours over at the pop-up bar with friends who were pitched elsewhere) decide now is the time to start viciously arguing with one another, whilst also loudly watching Beverly Hills Cop (not sure if on a phone or a portable TV but sounded more like the latter).

I'll spare you most of the darker details of the argument (I suspect it's the same one they have most nights when they're pissed, which I suspect is most nights) but really sharing here for the moment of levity among it when the having just been called a "gobby c*nt" by the man, the woman retorted with "oh, it's that bloke" - a breakneck switch of attention to the movie.

"Judge Reinhold" he says.

"Why's he a judge for?" she says.

"It's Judge Reinhold" he says, louder.

"Why's he a fucking judge? she asks, louder.

"He's JUDGE. REINHOLD." he shouts.

"HE'S NOT A FUCKING JUDGE" she shouts.

"I KNOW MY 80'S MOVIES!" he bellows. "...and that's Officer Murtaugh."

[Surf Digby]

On 4/16/2025 at 6:43 PM, Surf Digby said:

He's still here, he's still a massive cunt.

A couple of years ago, he put up CCTV in the communal garden. Not aimed at the gate, or his door, but basically pointed at where we would be. At the time I suspected that he was monitoring our comings and goings to satisfy his paranoia. The landlord told him that if he was going to have CCTV up, he had to comply with GDPR. He said that he wasn't willing to, and so took the CCTV down.

A few weeks ago, my daughter spotted that it was back up, again pointing into where we would be, but hidden inside an old air vent. We have no idea how long it's been there, so we let the landlord know. They came out, old cuntchops claimed he had no idea he had to comply with GDPR, and said it was to prevent people tampering with his plants.

So now he's unhappy with me, and he's trying to be as big a cunt as possible to wind me up. 

A couple of weeks ago I spotted him getting all his waste together in a big pile in the garden, and I knew from previous occasions that he would just dump it over the wall into the street. I set up my video camera on a window ledge, and sure enough, he dumps it onto top the already existing pile that he's always denied is from him.

So, I now have four videos of him tipping his waste over the wall, and I send them to the housing officer. Of course he tries to deny it, but he's in the fucking videos, clear as day, so he tries to convince them that he always intended to get rid of it (bearing in mind, the waste from 3 years ago is still there). Housing tell me that he has the weekend to get rid of it, or they'll take action. Monday comes, it's still there. 

Today it's windy as fuck. It's not the ideal day for burning a load of dried out garden waste, in the street, four feet from someone's car (in this case, mine). 

 

I can't put into words just how much I hate this cunt, and the housing officer is a cunt as well.

Despite "he's promised me that he always intended to take the rubbish away, and that it'll be gone by Monday. If not, we'll take action against him", it's still there, and fuck all is being done. To make it worse, some cunt from a neighbouring street has added to the pile, and it's hard to get the Council to take it seriously when half the rubbish is from this address.
The cunt from the next street has made the wonderfully stupid move of leaving postage labels on everything, so I know his name and address, and he's also dumped three years worth of school books, so I also know his kids names, which school they're at, what they look like, what their pets are called, and what their favourite food is. 

Good job there's no wrong 'uns around here that might want to try the old "I'm a friend of your parents" trick, as these books are a goldmine.

Speaking of wrong 'uns, old cunt chops downstairs once thought it would be funny when I was out to start a conversation with my girlfriend by saying, "Did I ever tell you about the time I got arrested for possession of child porn?".
Housing contacted the Police, and apparently he's never actually been arrested for child porn (although he has for other things), it's "just his fantasy". Well, that makes it all okay then, and certainly doesn't make his hidden CCTV cameras a concern.

Police attended on another occasion, and this was brought up. He said something weird like "I'm not a paedophile, I just wish I was", and told a female officer to her face that he imagines that he's shagging kids when he's wanking. She said that while she can't arrest someone for something imaginary, he'd been instructed that under no circumstances should he ever approach my children, and that I should remember that "reasonable force differs for different situations". 
If I had half a brain, I should have gotten a copy of her bodycam footage where he said this.

Anyway, back to recent events. 

I had to report him to the housing officer over something relatively minor, but as he's trying to provoke me into something he can play the victim for, I needed to log it. I reported it the same day, and told them that as it happened right in front of his camera, there would be footage supporting my complaint.
Of course, he's refused to let them see the footage, and also claimed that despite me saying that the incident had happened that same day, I was actually referring to an incident that happened two months prior, and I'd just got my dates mixed up. According to him, he was sat on his doorstep, minding his own business, and I was walking toward the back gate with my son. Upon seeing him, I moved my son to the other side, so that he was furthest away. Now, this is something I do, and have done for years, because of the whole "I like child porn, me" thing. He claimed that he thought it was ever so strange that I'd done it on this particular day, and I was so enraged by him thinking it was strange, I waited until darkness and smashed up some of his flower pots, and this is why he had to install the hidden CCTV.
How did I know he thought it was strange, to make me so angry? BECAUSE I'M PSYCHIC. Obviously. 

And with regards to his fly tipping, he's still not cleared it away, but they're not following it up, as he's now claiming that IT'S SOMEBODY ELSE IN THE VIDEOS. 

Yeah, I've apparently hired a lookalike to wander in and out of his house, and round the garden in front him FOR AT LEAST THREE YEARS so that I can make these "fake" complaints against him.

I'm just part of the The Man, and we've all hot it in for him. Me, the Government, the police, the Jews (obviously). It's all a campaign against him, to stop his spreading the truth. 
And what makes it worse is that the housing officer is just accepting this bollocks, because he "can't take sides".

You know how some languages have words that there's no direct English translation? I don't think a word exists that accurately conveys just how much of an absolute cunt he is.