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The Batshit World of Noel Edmonds


Gus Mears

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Not that I want to turn this thread over from Uncle Noel, but Kunt is from my now home town, and just saw him read this excerpt from the book and it really cracked me up.


Question is do I go audio or hard back?

Edited by Hannibal Scorch
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13 minutes ago, Astro Hollywood said:

Fucking livid when I heard Noel was going in the jungle. I've precious little free time as it is, and now I've got to spend 90 minutes a night for the next 3 weeks glued to ITV.

The good news is he won't be going in for the first 4 or so nights.and most shows are only an hour

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John Lydon was the best contestant they ever had in there. Definitely bi-polar. One night he'd be deliriously happy, a friendly soul, the next night frightingly angry to the point you thought "bit of a bully ol' Rotten", the next night depressed, then he'd go off into the jungle and the producers couldnt find him. Then he'd be lightening his head on fire for Kerry Katona's kids birthday, as if his head was a game. Also he wore a pair of Pistols shorts in there, because he didnt like the uniform. That was a great series. Now its dull conversation and eating spiders. Shaun Ryder was the last great one because he's a oddball. When Allison Hammond came in during the show, he just went "oh fucking hell, I cant stand loud women." Not in a sexist way, but a socially awkward way, like when you had to sit next to a girl in Maths. Oh, that was the year Jenny Eclair was exposed as a line reading shit for brains. They gave everyone a task based on their profession and she had to make jokes over a screen, like they do on HIGNFY. She died on her arse in hilarious fashion. Loved that.

This year has major potential, though. Ann from the Chase, Harry Redknapp and Noel are quite the trio.

Edited by IANdrewDiceClay
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11 minutes ago, IANdrewDiceClay said:

John Lydon was the best contestant they ever had in there.

Lydon's the reason it's on a delay, after Ant and Dec went in camp to reveal who was going.

"John, the public have decided [3 week dramatic pause] it's not you."

"Fucking cunts!"

Quote

Ant and Dec rushed to say sorry, albeit in their trademark ironic style, Ant saying: "Oh, come on John" and Dec adding: "We have to apologise. We're incredibly sorry about that but it is a live show".

ITV bosses this evening issued another apology and said they were now introducing a delay to the final section which would allow them bleep any potentially offence words.

This morning ITV bosses today had received only around 55 complaints after the show was aired last night but throughout the day there were another 25 complaints. New media regulator Ofcom had received 18 complaints taking the total tally to 98.

 

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A brief note in the latest Popbitch;

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How is Noel Edmonds going to cope in the jungle? We have no idea. Noel has clearly given some thought as to how he'll survive when resources get scarce though, as he's had a 20,000 gallon tank of oil fitted at his home in anticipation of the world's supply running dry (he tells people he'll have "two years of clear motoring ahead of him" when it happens).

But we're more interested in what will happen to his late-night campfire patter when the hunger, stress and delirium all set in. Noel believes that 'orbs' of pure energy are visible in photographs but that it's all being covered up by the church – and that's on a full stomach and plenty of rest. So what he'll end up saying when he's only had half a kangaroo dick and a gobful of swamp water is anyone's guess.

 

 
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