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The Batshit World of Noel Edmonds


Gus Mears
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This has been discussed a bit in the anecdote thread, but Noel Edmonds having some protracted Willy Loman style breakdown is the most interesting story of the year so far. 

On 19/01/2018 at 2:22 PM, Kaz Hayashi said:

In other news, my mate has informed me that Noel Edmunds has set up a radio station purely to besmirch Lloyd’s bank, due to him being fiddled out of some coin in the past. Listeners who’ve dealt with their poor customer relations and have been jipped out of coin, can tune in and listen to Noel talking about Lloyd’s being a set of nasty robbing bastards, including use of the term ‘financial rape’ in between classic hits such as Smooth Criminal and Policy of Truth. He also plays sad piano music over the top of call ins from disgruntled Lloyd’s customers.

He has lost the plot, he’s interviewed himself pretending to be someone else in order to tell a rip off story, but it was obviously him. He failed miserably. All it needs now is someone pranking him, pretending to be from Lloyd’s and have an on air argument. He can subsequently accuse them of feeding burgers to swans.

http://noel.world/noel-news/lloyds-victims-radio-station-now-52786-regular-listeners/

Seriously, tune in, its absolute gold.

So, Noel Edmonds has plainly lost his absolute shit. The following barrage of lunacy is from the past fortnight:

 Noel Gallagher's story on recently meeting Noel Edmonds:

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Speaking to Dermot O’Leary on Radio 2, Gallagher said: “I went for lunch last week and in the seat next to me was Noel Edmonds. I’ve never met him and my missus was going, ‘No way, that’s Noel Edmonds’.

“And he said to me, ‘It’s great to finally meet you after all these years because of all the jokes and that’.”

“I went, ‘What jokes? What are you talking about?’. And he goes, ‘Because we’re both called Noel’.

And I went, ‘What jokes are you talking about? Are people taking the mickey out of me to you?’ And he went, ‘Well, you know’.

“And then there was an awkward silence and I was like, ‘Whatever, enjoy your sea bass’.”

Edmonds in the Law Society Gazette, having raised £1.5 million to sue Lloyds Bank (this is actually happening):

And today, Edmonds allegedly meeting with Jeremy Corbyn:

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He’s usually found in the company of Mr Blobby or The Banker from Deal or No Deal. But now TV’s Noel Edmonds can add Jeremy Corbyn to his list of House Party guests. Guido hears the eccentric comic entertainer – and Noel Edmonds – met for a tête-à-tête in Westminster recently. Guido’s co-conspirators in showbiz say Edmonds is keen to enter politics…

In a newspaper interview last year Edmonds referred to Corbyn as “the fella with the beard” and had this advice for the Labour leader:

“If Corbyn said ‘I’m going to clean up the city’ he could wipe out the Tory party.”

A spokesman for Noel Edmonds said: “I can neither confirm nor deny.” He added cryptically: “Noel likes a political leader with a strong beard.”

This is plainly either going to end up with a massive compensation package, or a killing spree. Bloke is wound up like a spring. 

Edited by Gus Mears
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2 hours ago, Nick Soapdish said:

and i thought nothing would top his radio station for pets

That, and when he claimed a few years back that he had 'two melon-sized balls of spiritual energy following him around at all times'. Plus when he said he had a magic energy box that cured knob cancer. How the hell this bloke is allowed to roam the streets of Britain freely is a mystery to me. 

 

Edited by Gus Mears
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A few years back he said he was going to buy the BBC. And this is a great look at how utterly mental his radio stations were, going above and beyond the "radio station for pets" gimmick;

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2016/nov/23/noel-edmonds-positivity-radio

 

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4:49pm Back now to Positively Noel. He’s doing a quiz called Disastermind. The subject is Prisoner: Cell Block H but, for reasons I cannot comprehend, the answer to every question is “Lord Archer”.

Like something out of TV Go Home.

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2 minutes ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

Didn't he also say that he was putting together an international consortium to buy the BBC, and isn't he one of those Cosmic Ordering nutjobs. 

Yep, he claims he used it to land the Deal or No Deal gig. 

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24 minutes ago, Merzbow said:

He did some weird shitty sitcom like gameshow called Cheap Cheap Cheap, I'm sure that was axed after the first series ended.

It was terrible, and one of the most deranged things on television. Like a cross between Still Open All Hours, The Price Is Right and Mitchell & Webb's Quiz Broadcast. As if some future civilisation had attempted to reproduce the television of the past, but got all the bits in the wrong places.

A while back, I suggested that The Banker was a figment of Edmonds' imagination, and the entire Deal Or No Deal premise was constructed around him to accommodate that. Now the show's finished, maybe that's why he's going after bankers in real life.

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Well, I've been dragged into one giant Noel Edmonds based rabbit hole. If you want to be truly terrified this evening, check out Noel, dressed in drag, rambling on about the BBC from a few years ago:

 

Edited by Gus Mears
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