Post Of The Year 2016

[Kaz Hayashi]

Scott's poem of joy in bowler v2 thread:

 

 

 

"Dear Adam, you’ve finally done and bowled me over

You’re my champ, not a chump, you’re a soldier, Adam Bowler

Will the guillotine hold you while you’re deluged by peas and pies?

So you can’t split the scene, while Houchey suffuses your brown eye

As your bumcheeks flap in the wind like Chris Tarrants jowls

An apprehensive squeak escapes your badge, from the depths of your bowels

With pie on your face, you’re beautiful, it’s in the eye of the beholder

And you give Houchey a taste of your booty, the brown eye of Adam Bowler

 

Dear Adam, don’t give up, don’t give in, Rise Above Hate

We know you’ll take it on the chin, because pies love your face

Do it for charity and raise some coin for a cause you believe in

Or get some clarity, show some pride, and stop twitching and seething

It’s not good for your health, either physical or mental

And I promise you and your back burger that Houchey will go gentle

So give us a variety of pies now, don’t keep us waiting til October

Because you’re a soldier, Adam Bowler, I thought I told ya."

 

 

I've just gone and read it again, I'm fucking melting.

[waters44]

As your bumcheeks flap in the wind like Chris Tarrants jowls

An apprehensive squeak escapes your badge, from the depths of your bowels

 

 

+1 for these two lines alone

[Sergio Mendacious]

I don't have words for how incredible that is.

[PunkStep]

+1 for both, but especially Branqmeister Flex.

[wandshogun09]

+1

 

It’s not good for your health, either physical or mental

And I promise you and your back burger that Houchey will go gentle

And this bit just slayed me.

[SuperBacon]

Malbranque once called Gbacon85 "rashers" in a passing conversation, which tore my sides laughing. Fucking "rashers"!

Lolz and he calls me Gammon. Better than Smokey or Danish I guess!!!

[patiirc]

Scott's poem of joy in bowler v2 thread:

 

 

Came in to add the post by Malbranque, beyond epic 2nded or whatevered

[Keith Houchen]

I too love the Branquefurter, I'm just ashamed that when I met him I was too drunk to fuck and all I could do was dance a silly dance.

[Bellenda Carlisle]

Surf's got mad flow. Check out his contribution.

[Tommy!]

Surf's got mad flow. Check out his contribution.

Surf Nonce has just blown it out the water with both barrels, in every sense.

[John Matrix]

It's this. It's absolutely this. Five times I've read this fucker now and I can't get through the SKI section without dying

 

After my Dad left and we were a bit skint, I'd have fucking killed for Hi-Tech trainers. I had Mercury at one point. I don't even know what they are. Worst ever was my Nan took pity on me once and bought me some Pumas. I treasured them but eventually wore them out. What did I get to replace them? Fucking Mercury again.

 

My Mam used to shop at Netto. Not when it became alright but when it was new and only for proper pogs. Remember needing a bag to carry some school work once but all we had was yellow and black Netto carriers. I just walked with it in the rain and it got ruined. Teacher gave me a bollocking but at least I didn't have to carry a Netto bag. I would never have lived that down.

 

My Mam, who was just on a mission generally to have me bullied, bought me a SKI jacket one winter. I can't remember it exactly but It was mainly purple and green with Neon pink and yellow piping. This was after Neon was cool. I left that cunt everywhere. She'd insist I wore it but I'd take it straight off and use it as a goalpost or something. I left it on the field, on the park, on the bus, at school, at my Nans, at my friends, and the fucker would follow me home everytime. I remember thinking I'd finally lost it, took the latest kick-in from my Mam for it and then about half nine at nine some "big kid" knocked on the door and politely handed it over. Every bastard knew it was mine because it was more tragic than when Daphne died in Neighbours.

 

Edit: This sort of jacket!

 

[HarmonicGenerator]

I loved chokeout's response to this photo being posted in Random/Weird/Quirky photos:

 

Matt Hardy looking like a million dollars.

 

 

 

He looks like my mums sofa

 

[Kaz Hayashi]

Agreed, perfectly sums it up.

[HarmonicGenerator]

Bill Diarrhea with a story in 'Bully Fuel' that had me stifling laughter in public:

 

Oh god, that reminds me of probably the cuntiest thing I've ever done. There was this lass Mel, and she was best friends with a dog-rough girl I'd dated, so she thought that we were friends. She rang me out of the blue one night to speak with me about her mostly unrequited crush on my mate Tom, and I wasn't happy to get a call from her — I listened for a while, bored, whilst she got very emotional, and then at some point the conversation turned to a plan a bunch of us had to go out for a grown-up meal (we were about 16, going to Topo Gigio for three course Italian was the height of sophistication in 1990s Nottingham for us). I asked her what she thought she'd get, and she said she'd start with the soup. I don't know what happened, I think I had a mental breakdown at this point, because otherwise I'm just an irredeemable cunt. I'd long said that her greasy hair and forehead made her like a seal, and I just blurted out "are you going to get the fish soup?" She was a vegan, and was confused by this, but I carried on: "Are you getting the fish soup, Mel? Are you going to scoop the fish soup up with your hands? You can't come for a meal with us, Mel, you're going to scoop up fish soup with your hands, and eat it like a seal. You'll get us thrown out, Mel!"

 

And then I barked down the phone at her, like a seal. For at least 30 seconds, till she hung up, and we obviously never passed another pleasant word again.

[Undefeated Steak]

+1. Tremendous.