Post Of The Year 2016

[PunkStep]

Another +1 obvs

[HarmonicGenerator]

Undefeated Steak adds to the canon of UKFF poo stories with this one from Doomed Anecdotal Megathread. You feel sorry him, and yet, you can laugh at the misfortune. It tugs on the heartstrings and the funnybone:

 

Took the dog for a walk down the river side an hour or so ago. Was lovely as the sun was setting. There were birds flying back to roost; I even saw a vole scurry past.

 

And then it hit me like a thunderbolt. That unmistakable feeling in the stomach. The curry I'd eaten not an hour prior must've been a bad un.

 

I was stranded, but with other dog walkers about and without a toilet within a 30 minute radius I was panicking. The first wave came and I rode it out. And the second. Slightly more difficult but managable. The third harder. And the fourth even more difficult.

 

The sweat started as panic set in. SOS messages and calls were sent from my phone to no avail. Nobody would get my message in a bottle.

 

I headed back home down the back paths, but the quicker I walked the worse I felt. And the faster I walked, the more the dog was pulling on his lead, sure it was a game. A game it wasn't.

 

I was in pain by this point. 10 minutes from home and I have to take the decision of joining the path adjacent to a main road. The paranoia began as I was sure every passing driver was taking great delight in my ever growing problem.

 

And I made it to the final corner, less than 2 minutes from home. Base camp. At this point I was in an abdominal submission, reaching for the ropes. Reaching, reaching for that bottom rope. My arm extended toward that rope, and I grabbed it. I was safe.

 

But then the cruel tricks of life pulled me back into the centre of the ring and I was stranded. I tapped.

 

Shit gushed into my duds in some of the most upsetting, demoralising and embarrassing few moments of my life. And it came and came. The floodgates were open.

 

Sorry gents but I don't ever want to share this tale with anybody in 'real life' and if anything good can come from it, I thought the UKFF would be the place to share it.

[Gus Mears]

Heartily plus one from me. A rare poo related post with ethos, pathos and logos. Wonderful, shit related, reading.

[Lenin]

Wrestling related childishness continued long into young manhood for me. In my university days me and my mates would regularly find ourselves transforming into Goldberg or the nWo after a few too many turbo-shandies and shots of Aftershock in the student nightclubs.

 

This is how I would walk onto any dance floor...

 

 

 

Which always works best if your mate will help you out with one of these...

 

 

 

This is how I would greet friends...

 

 

 

While this is how I would greet strangers...

 

 

 

Essential dance moves...

 

 

 

3am...

 

 

 

I tell you what though, if I had a dime for every bird me and my mates collectively pulled in those days through our sweet wrestling related game...

 

Wonderful use of photos. I can very much relate to this, albeit more DX than NWO.

[HarmonicGenerator]

Excellent stuff. It's a +1 from me.

[Ian 86]

for different reasons to the usual POTY candidates, I'm nominating Ricky Knight's response in the Paige thread. It's balanced, sensible, professional and quite frankly if she was my daughter I'm not sure my behaviour would be quite so good. 30+ page thread of, mainly, nonsense coupled with whatever is undoubtably going on across other social media....

 

 

 

Zak staying classy though. Well done! #pricks

well he is a hooligan lol, seriously though if you guys new half what we as family have to go through you would understand his anger, the BS Put about when we know truth is very frustrating. If people dont like Paige as a performer, fine, thats being up there to be knocked down, but bullshit, personal attacks and death threats on a regular basis to a young woman just trying to make her way in life is fucking ridiculous. As people we all make mistakes, my girl is no different but at least she had the bottle to get off her arris at 18 yrs old travel to a massive strange country and go for it and make enough money to be comfortable in life, whats to hate.????? 

 

 

 

edit: removed double quote

[Otto Dem Wanz]

+1 for the content of the post and the usage of the word 'arris'

[Lenin]

 

 

 

 

Has there ever been a time in the history of Raw where the show seems to have absolutely no stars at all? I really like Seth and Kevin Owens and stuff, but the headliners look like TNA off a few years ago. Like Bobby Roode and James Storm are main eventing, but you get that feeling they'll be back working tags in 3 months. Even when Raw was on its arse, you still saw Nash and Luger and they came across as stars. Even if they werent doing business, you'd at least go "I wouldnt mind meeting them at Woolworths". Its just strange watching Raw these days. Nothing really happens. We're counting down the months until Goldberg turns up or some fucker.

I suppose the "band aid era" (as some have called it) has finally killed week to week. The Undertaker, Brock, Cena, HHH are the stars. Everyone else just hangs around.

They haven't created a genuine star since 2005. To think that Cena and Batista were the last two genuine business effecting stars that they made is scary. Even the people we thought were stars like Punk and Bryan really weren't. They were just two guys that had a belt that hardcore fans liked but no one else wanted to pay to see. With the way they do things now, I just can't see where a star is going to come from.

They'll never be able to make a star now until someone who has Internet points and proper star quality waltzes in through the doors of NXT -- and the two things usually cancel each other out, so it's unlikely that'll ever happen.

 

The problem they've got now is that creeps like us who watch every week are the sort who attend the TV tapings. And those fans at the tapings turn on anyone who might interest normals. Normals are never going to have any interest in the likes of Ambrose and Owens, and the crowd reactions will put them off the potential stars. It must be confusing as fuck as well in terms of clocking who the goodies and baddies are.

 

The problem will exacerbate as more normals drop off as well, to the point where it'll be almost completely insular. There's not even any way out of it now that I can see.

That's as concise a way of putting it as you're likely to find.

 

I've long suspected that by dictating the ebb and flow of the live crowds dey have basically sold the WWE themselves a bill of goods on what their next big stars are. I honestly think after years of weird crowd reactions even the top brass have started to buy it. Vince is still the last dude standing but he's got his daughter and her man in his ear waxing lyrical about their kids down in Florida.

 

I think NXT is functioning as one of the best things ever for incredible upper mid card talent. I think it's properties as a generation station for all your main eventers are way overblown. And none of the people who mythologise it seem to get that because they've more or less won and WWE in 2016 is their WWE. That's why it's so hilarious when they still find time to have a natter about the indie kids not getting a break. What are you smoking? It's your show.

 

The WWE are in a bit of a cul de sac now with it. Maybe they're comfortable and are going with it. They've basically got this giant nerd audience and have got the art of monopolising it nailed. I just wish that audience would admit to itself that the wider world is going to have sod all interest in Kevin Owens and his funny Twitter.

 

As poor as the handling of Roman Reigns push was I do wonder what shape the WWE would have been in now had the audience just stuck out the experiment and got on board with it. I know even with the biggest wankers in the crowd ever it's a bit audacious to ask of them to cheer a certain way and just play wait-and-see but I think the crowd have blood on their hands with that one. If the live crowds had helped his pops who knows how many casual (ugh) fans would have tagged along for the ride. I guarantee you business would have been much better now.

 

It's weird to think that we're often sold a bill of goods that years like 2003 and 2004 were the 'dark' times because WWE had no new stars immediately following Rock and Austin sodding off. Those years feel practically boom like now. Plenty of people still cared. Now it's a massive fan convention in the middle of a ghost town.

 

I echo the sentiment about Cena's stock having dropped massively as well. He's been showing arse and having inconsistent runs for years now. The face who runs the place is the bloke you know the upstart's going to beat. He has run into his veteran years without the massive audience respect Austin and Rock had so realistically he's got very little to barter with. On TV he comes across as a guy that gets booed loads then gets beat.

Quite possibly THE definition of what is wrong in WWE at the moment. Great post.

[HarmonicGenerator]

Tommy proves that TNA's current situation, like all things, can be summarised by Simpsons references:

 

Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.

 

Vince McMahon, smiling politely.

[PowerButchi]

I'm aboard that ship

[NEWM]

+1ed with so much love. Brilliant.

[Sergio Mendacious]

Glorious 

 

+1

[stevieg1980]

Perfect post.

[cobra_gordo]

+1

[Keith Houchen]

Another for Tommy.