Post Of The Year 2016

[Chest Rockwell]

Yep, +1

[Duke]

+1 here

[HarmonicGenerator]

Liam's then vs now analysis in the Boom Period thread is worth a read and a reread:

 

WWE has had the same style of TV for years, and I think when we fail to envision another boom, it's mostly because we all realise their method of star making and content creation doesn't lend to it any more and just think it'll never change. We've had 15 years of a slow decline, so it gets harder to believe the business will do anything else.

 

I've been watching Raw's and Smackdown's around the time of Fully Loaded 2000 lately, and it's not the nostalgia talking, but in a breaking news piece for everybody I'm sure, the television is awesome. Even when there is stuff you can fast forward on (Steph's long promos), or matches that don't blow you away (Bull Buchanan I'm looking at you), the structure of the company is so perfect that you can deal with it. When different guys interact with each other, it's interesting because everything feels like it is evolving before your eyes. So many different characters are on their own journeys and the interplay between them as they cross over is just so dynamic to watch unfold.

 

One segment you have Shane and Benoit chasing a match with the Rock, next you've got RTC becoming hotter heels and powerbombing a Ho through a table, then you have Kurt Angle playing shit disturber with Steph and HHH, then you cut to Trish getting involved as a rivalry with Lita and Steph is bubbling under, HHH is still focused on the belt as well but Chris Jericho wants to kick his ass. Road Dogg and X-Pac matches are assisted by the "friendly rivalry" narrative and the commentators stirring the pot. Then we get Edge and Christian trying to fight off the Hardyz and Dudleyz, acting as chickenshits and then take drastic measures (with chairs) when the opportunity strikes. Tazz is running in randomly and attacking fan favourites. All supplemented by damn good matches and Mick Foley doing great promos to tie everything together and keep the chaos in line.

 

And then you watch Raw today, with endless meaningless matches (even if they can be good), and nobody's on a journey at all. It's the wrestling equivalent of everybody milling around at the bus stop until the driver, Triple H, shows up and lets somebody on.

 

When all we see is that, it's hard to think there can be a boom again, because we're now conditioned not to feel the things wrestling is supposed to make us feel. Here's a question - is there anybody on Raw that hates anybody else? The closest you have to Roman and Rusev, but they don't create much suspense by having a 25 minute countout as a Raw opener.

 

One of the things that made the Cruiserweight Classic awesome was that they took the time and bothered to actually get everybody's individual story over, and shockingly, people gave a shit when guys won and lost.

 

I think there absolutely can be a boom again. They have enormous potential exposure with their TV deal and it's never been easier to access the product or spend money on it. But the show isn't written in a way to make it interesting to follow.

[Otto Dem Wanz]

With news of Daniel Bryan having successfully knocked up Brie Bella emerging yesterday, I remembered Louch’s magnificent post back in August that had me creasing:

 

 

If he hasn't accepted it, and he is cutting about in his herb garden in between trying to knock up his stunning wife, crying into his hemp shirts that he can't head butt guys in front of 12 people ever again, then he's a fucking idiot or his brain problems are much worse than shown so far. Hope for bries sake they don't have a weight room and a pool area in their echo friendly mud hut

 

I think the misspelling of 'eco' does it in particular.

[HarmonicGenerator]

He's in trouble at home for it, but what a story. Too good not to nominate. Scott strikes again!

 

Right, so the missus’s niece is a Nickleback fan after she was brought to see them a week or so ago.

So the missus rings me in work at around 5pm just there today from a shopping centre in Dublin asking “What’s the name of that band she likes that she went to see and I’ll pick her up the album while I’m here?” and I said “Nickleback Paddywhack”, barely in jest, not even anticipating she’d take that in her mouth and trot off to chew on it. She said “That’s clever, isn’t it? Thanks!” and off she went.

About ten past, I get a call and she’s crying...legitimately crying tears of frustration and anger, calling me every phallic and it’s variants under the sun, followed by her telling me I made a show of her and they all laughed at her behind the counter when she asked for Nickleback Paddywhacks Greatest Hits.

She told me - with a ferocity I haven’t heard since she caught me having a pedal to a Daily Mirror spread on the utility room floor to the Nicki Minaj on a beach in the nip - to fuck off and I can sleep in the spare room tonight if I come home.
So, that’s what I have to look forward to in a half hour when I get home from here. Spare a though, gents.
 

[Gus Mears]

I would like to +1 that. Another masturbatory masterclass from Malbranque.

[Chest Rockwell]

+1

[PunkStep]

+1, poor bastard

[cobra_gordo]

Beautiful. +1.

[Lenin]

Agreed.

[HarmonicGenerator]

Chokeout strikes again! 

 

We need 'Scotty's Review Thread' or 'Through the chaps eye of Scott', where he reviews items, events, excursions and experiences. Everyone can chip in with a review about anything and nothing, whilst waiting for Scott to let us know how his evening (several seconds) with Miriam Rivera went, or how Ernie Hudson enjoyed the taste of his piss.

He can give each review a score out of 10 using the 'Scott's Potts' system.

 

 

I'd read it!

 

 

[PunkStep]

+1 for sure!

[patiirc]

Benny HG has just knocked it out of the park with an incredible post in the WCPW thread

 

https://ukff.com/topic/137430-what-culture-pro-wrestling-live-newcastle-27th-28th-july/?p=3049891

 

[Chest Rockwell]

+1 for chokeout!

[Chest Rockwell]

Ian, I absolutely love you and all, but that was the most confusing, bizarre pedal I’ve ever had.I’ll just spoiler all this and declare it NSFW, because.

Just know, throughout, you were on my mind, Ian, as the pressure of trying to establish – and maintain - a reasonable upright (using manners like nipple tweaking and draping a pair of the missus’ undercrackers over my snout) was fucking cruel. So last night, herself went to the pit. I said “Ah I’ll stay up for a bit and watch the transfer news on Sky Sports News”. It was the first thing that came to mind, and I’m lucky she wasn’t ball savvy and say “The window doesn’t open for another two months?” but she just said “Turn off the lights and don’t leave the doors open”.I left it about ten minutes and went out to the utility room. When your pots are gone and you’re creeping around, everything you do sounds so fucking loud and coarse, doesn’t it? Like, I was space walk tippy toeing through the kitchen, shushing myself at every movement and opening the utility room door sounded like I’d kicked a Rottweiler in the bollox.So, I went onto the forum and clicked on Ians XHamster link. It doesn’t take much to get me all plummed up, and I’m a very open minded man - and for all my many faults, I don’t think one of you could deny me that – but the (for want of a better word) opening few seconds of that scene in particular were joyless.It begins with what looks like a man trying to pull some kidney beans out of some damp pita bread, so that wasn’t the best start for me, and I’m a bloke who has wrenched the stomach out of himself to pretty Hispanic women. Some of whom have a bigger willy than me.I fell at the first hurdle and felt I let Ian, Chest, Billy Plops, Chokey, The Yashi, Stavo, down, so I had to key in Cherokee D’Ass Interracial White into the XHamster search string to fluff myself before hitting back, and continuing with the task to hand.Right, so after I got myself over the opening few seconds, I was greeted with the UK Dirt Icon that is that Mario chap – who’s also the image of our Houchey, so I had that to deal with on top of everything else - eagerly and happily using double digits on Bernard Mannings’ draped, dangling trench and stuffing said digits into her throat, which she found agreeable. I fucking wouldn’t, but she did.The bang/smell of Werthers didn’t cross my mind once, Ian. I could just practically smell putrefying trout.Immediately following Bernard Manning was a handsome gent bestriding and making progress on what I’d imagine the spawn of Ted Crilly and Sister Asumpta to look like. This sequence was confusing as I found the handsome gentlemans shaven bumcheeks more attractive than her, but I regained focus and carried on attempting to draw milt.I skipped a bit towards the end to see if there were any cowgirl sequences that lasted longer than the ten second one at around 4 minutes (which is not enough, as you’d be mid-stride and keep having to stop, rewind and your fingers are always too big for that poxy stream line so it goes back too far which is just frustrating), as focusing on badge is always a sure winner for me no matter who or what the subject, but she had an outy and it looked like she was sprouting a strain of nectarine from her badge which I couldn’t be dealing with.So after skipping forward to Bernard Manning jockeying Houchey and subsequently and frantically skipping back and forth throughout the video, I found my peace with the climax over the lesser of two evils’ chest, and emptied a two day build up all over my Quiksilver t-shirt.It was quite anti-climactic, much like this post, and I expected better of myself but maybe I’m more ageist than I thought, or I just haven’t found the right type of aged woman yet. As I was cleaning and disinfecting the area and shame, the video was still playing, and this made me laugh. Houchey and Bernard Manning post coitus: I rinsed the Quiksilver t-shirt in the utility room sink and put it in the washine machine.