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Post Of The Year 2016

air_raid

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HarmonicGenerator Grand Master

HarmonicGenerator

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Butch tells SCG what's up with the Harrises:

 

I'd rather commit unprotected anal with Anne Widdecombe than sit through The Harris Brothers again. Indeed, I think Big Ron from the market in Eastenders was probably a better wrestler than the Big Ron who has stunk up rings for so long.

 

And for a long time it was too, since they first appeared before my eyes on an episode of WCW Worldwide in 1994 like the Dogshit of Hades and they were pretty much continuously in work after that in the big 2 for the next ten plus fucking years.

 

I'll be honest, when I was 12 in 1997, I thought the DOA were cool as fuck, because I was 12 and I forgot about the Bruise/Blu Bros, and I thought that Renegade was a good TV show, and that I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle starring the cast of Boon along with a LITERAL TALKING TURD WHICH ATTACKS NEIL MORRISSEY was a good film. So, 12 years old - motorcycles = cool. And somehow, well obviously how really, the biking bollock scalps got into my good books, along with their equally abhorrent shithawk of a cousin Brian Lee. Then I turned 13 and realised while bikes and bikers were cool (Leatherman from the village people is what every real man aspires to look like), Skull and 8-Ball and their matches with LOD that encouraged M.E. to develop in viewers certainly was not cool. And this went on well into 1999, well into my puberty, both in growing hair in new and unusual places and in my tastes as a wrestling fan. So, by this point I was pretty sick of them.

 

Then they appear as henchmen of Vince Russo in WCW, turns out fuckers are close. Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald. Nowt quite like a gay joke. I didn't recognise them at first as they had a shave and suits one. Then they got in the ring, and the foul stench of their matches when I watched them on DSF almost prevented me rubbing one out to the topless adverts to Der Nachtclub during the breaks. Again, puberty. This didn't last long, and they became the DOA again only not called the DOA, then joined the most fetid incarnation of the nWo ever which by the end was them two and Memphis buddy Double J doing H-BOMBS to all and sundry. The H-Bomb was all over WCW in early 2000. They flirted with the top of the card too. Heading up in the marquee match vs The Marmalukes in front of 15,000 fans in the UK in Feburary (one of their biggest gates of the year!!!) and main eventing Nitro vs Sid. I fucking love Sid. But this was unacceptable.

 

Fast forward to 2002, and they finally find a job they're good at. Namely on their backs under the ring holding it up with their legs after Cheex breaks the ring prior to NWA:TNA's first pay per view. However, the Jarretts must have been too impressed by this as Heavy D (Named after a brand of pub snack, I believe) is soon put into the cut and thrust of battle against Jerry "Malice" Tuite. In an SS shirt. Then they both become heads of TNA security but join SEX at the behest of fucking Russo and to celebrate this they beat the fuck out of a woman in the ring. Although, they probably saw it as a nice change from beating the blacks, the jews, and the gays, the Fascist fucks. Freshens it up a bit for them.

 

While they did beat Steve Corino and the Sandman hilariously in about 7 seconds on a NWA:TNA PPV they didn't really do much after that. Heavy D turned babyface and became the leader of BLACK SHIRT security, a job he loved. Although I believe the gimmick was ended when he took the stable's name too literally and asked Chris Vaughn and Rick Santel to join him in the murder of the political opponents of NWA Director of Authority Erik Watts.

 

From there they pretty much frittered away during the Carter years, with a god awful bout with Phi Delta Slam sticking in the memory in 2005 or so, and one of them being the bodyguard for Randy Savage in 2004 with Big Bri Adams when Randy Savage was shit scared of being banged out by Hulk Hogan.

 

Of course, the Nazi cunts are back on the scene now, looks like they may end up running TNA in the future. Match made in Heaven.

 

So yeah, when you lot at the end decide "Who is the worst ever team or stable" and have to give a name, it's gotta be Ron and Don. In fact if it's absolutely anyone else at all I'll personally travel to whichever Shropshire or Black Country hovel you all fucking live in and force you to watch me bang your significant others like a salvation army drum at a christmas carol concert. There surely can be no other choice. At all. 12 years of fucking wall to wall shit, with liberal doses of extreme right wing race hate and, worst of all, those fucking matches with Los Boriquas.

 

It's Harris or Bust.

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HarmonicGenerator Grand Master

HarmonicGenerator

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Here's chokeout's one for reference:

 

 

 

Genuinely fucking howling. Well played Zeb

 

Edit- now I keep laughing even harder, imagining a remixed version of Shawn's theme. Starts with the normal 'DUM DUM DUM OH, OH SHAWN' then breaks into 'da da da-di-da...'

It works disturbingly well

 

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