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~*UKFF's Children Thread*~


Kookoocachu

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A guy I used to work with is Indian and married a blonde, Russian girl that he met whilst over there on holiday. They have two kids now and they're both very pale skinned. When he bought the first one into office just after he was born there was that whole awkward unease where no-one wanted to say "Er... Are you sure he's yours mate?" but as he grew up you could see the resemblance. Funny how things work out though.

Being half-Chinese and having two half-sisters from my dads first marriage, it's interesting to see how much each of us have inherited. My eldest sister just looks completely Chinese whereas me and my other sister are noticeably mixed race but people often don't place what my heritage is. I always get people guessing I'm a pacific islander or Maori. My friends parents still refer to me as the New Zealand baker after I baked her a cake once about 12 years ago.

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So 8 days into fatherhood and it has had its ups and downs. The wife seemed to get the baby blues earlier than normal and I was worried she was tramuatised after a long labour and emergency section. It was compounded due to the little one struggling to latch on to breastfeeding which frustrated her even more. Thankfully with assistance from a nipple shield the nipper is guzzling away like no tomorrow. The wife's mood has improved greatly apart from a couple of cutting barbs at my direction, but things have been going smoothly since the weekend.

The only issue I have at the moment is when I change the baby's nappy he decides to do his best impression of the Bellagio fountains. Three times he has done it today and I am getting sick of smelling of Sugar Puffs. I am amazed at the power of his stream it is going at least three foot in the air. I don't think I can manage that! 

Any of you experienced parents got any tips to suppress the piss? 

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I'm sure it's tougher with boys, but  with our girls, i always get the new one slid under first, and I try and loosely cover the blast zone with whichever nappy is currently in play if I'm not directly wiping/drying. I think they're more likely to let rip when exposed to cold air, so you can open up the nappy, leave it for a few seconds, then loosely close for a minute and see if they go while you're waiting.

You are going to get pissed and shat on, though, especially the first few months.

Edited by hallicks
Fucking phone
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Unlucky on the fountain front! I don't think it happened to me with my son once, but I did have a little technique.

Keep the front of the nappy covering him as you lift up his bottom to wipe, then wipe his front with the nappy covering still. Then, in one quick motion, remove the front of the nappy (the underneath of the nappy should now also be in front) and put the front of the new nappy in the same place. Keep out there, lift up his bottom and put the back of the nappy under his bottom, then do the front up. Done.

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  • 1 year later...
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So my eldest starts secondary school tomorrow. I'm absolutely in bits panicking about whether she's got everything and whether she'll be ok and how she'll cope and if she'll like it and so on.

She's not in the slightest bit arsed.

"Are you nervous?"

"No."

"Is there anything you're worried about?

"Not at all!"

"If there is anything, you will te..."

"I'm fine, dad, settle down."

It's doing my head in that she's not nervous or anything, it's making me even worse, I wish she was worried about something!

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Perfectly natural for you to worry. 

I worried when my youngest started secondary, that she’d be a little fish in a big pond. I had the same worry when she started college and when she started learning to drive. 

The worry turned to pride when she smashed all of those, went on to graduate from uni, beat skin cancer, got a full time job and is now training to be a veterinary nurse. 

Sorry, that became a little self indulgent. My point being, the worry is natural, she’ll never fail to make you proud. 

Edited by thicko
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3 hours ago, Devon Malcolm said:

It's doing my head in that she's not nervous or anything

She doesn't know enough to get worried about! You remember all the weirdness for her. Hard though isn't it? Like the first time they go to preschool. 

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My girl had a shit time in Junior school, and we were so worried about her first day with “big” people.  She was fine in the lead up to it, but we were convinced that the first morning was going to be the implosion day.  She got up, ate breakfast, pinched some of my breakfast, hug, kiss, bye and off she trotted.  No issues at all.  It’s the fact that she’s going to be she small one in a big place that’s worrying you.  To be honest, if you weren’t  worried, it would be odd.

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Yeah, not envious in the slightest Dev. 

I’ve got it all to come (she’s not 2 yet). She’s at nursery now, and I hate it. Not that specific nursery, just that I know she doesn’t understand school yard politics or the actions of others, such as people taking toys off her and her just looking on, confused. It breaks my heart and fills me with nonsensical anger that anyone, regardless of age, could upset her and her not understand what it’s all about.

Madness, but she’s too good for this world.

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1 hour ago, Kaz Hayashi said:

Have you pulled yourself together yet boss? Or are you sat in your kids room, reading yourself a Duggee sticker book?

Nah, all good now. There was a mother there who was being positively Hollywood in her wailing, to the point where all the other parents moved away and her four year old lad looked mortified. At least I didn't do that...

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Currently being incredibly impatient while waiting for child 2 to arrive. Was due Tuesday and Lady Wideload has had a sweep this morning. 

Gender remains a mystery and struggling with girls names. Boys name locked down tight which is a positive. Suggestions welcome.

Any of you lot been through similar? And save me the 'Theyll come out when they're ready' shite, that's all we've had for the last fortnight. 

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