~*UKFF's Children Thread*~

[Monkee]

That's beautiful. And I love that they've been raised so neutral too, that's amazing.

 

I remember having a conversation with a guy I used to work with who was a total arse anyway but this one time he said he didn't know who Dumbledore was. I said he was a character from Harry Potter. Now, this guy had two girls who were about 4 and 6 at the time and I asked if they were into HP at all. His reply was: "Of course they're not, they're girls. Wizards and dragons are for boys." I was like WTF?! I said they weren't and he said they didn't read anything like that to his daughters because they (him and his wife) preferred them to be into Frozen and Disney Princesses. I just replied and said I felt sorry for his kids then because they're missing out and just walked away. I was gobsmacked.

[SuperBacon]

That's lovely, what personality she has at such a young age!

 

As for the name Theo, well I can guess why she wants that name...

God, I hadn't clocked that, and she's the Spurs one! It's her traitor sister who's followed her Mum!

 

@Monkee, that's so sad. A lot of the parents at my eldests school are exactly like that, and it's tough to deal with, because like I said, I'd never tell anyone how to parent their children.

We've never pushed anything on to them, but of course they got introduced to wrestling and Star Wars because of me (even with the wrestling, she loves John Cena, but it's not like she's asking to watch Starrcade 97).

 

A lot of companies and campaigns are trying to rid gender specific toys but there's still a lot to do. Literally everything we bought her for Christmas was from the boys section, and it must be so disheartening for children (and adults) who are able to read and walk round shops and supermarkets and see these labels, and feel excluded.

[Mr_Danger]

Don't be too harsh on the arse in work Monkee. Him and his wife probably want what they deem as a conventional upbringing for their kids because they fear that they'll be singled out or targeted otherwise. Obviously that's how a cynical arsey adult might look at the world and kids don't give a toss either way.

 

SuperBacon knows what's what though.

[deathrey]

Awww that's lovely Superbacon. Your youngest sounds like a cracker, you must be very proud. She is very lucky to have you and your ex-wife as parents. I've worked with teenagers for the past 13 years and it's heartbreaking to see the damage done to young 'uns by parents trying to force their children to be something they are not.

Edited February 19, 2017 by deathrey

[SuperBacon]

Thanks guys. I'm really glad I shared it with you.

 

I just want my children to do what they want and be who they want to be. Don't get me wrong, we're not parents who let them run riot like Ned Flanders Mum and Dad. Trust me they get told off, but it's important to allow them to be individuals. As long as they don't support West Ham. That's something I will never allow

 

I will caveat this by also admitting that our eldest has the same name as a Disney Princess and she's never really been into princesses that much, despite all her friends loving that she's named after one.

Edited February 19, 2017 by SuperBacon

[mim731]

I'm not sure where to put this, but I have to get something off my chest. My wife and I decided late last year that we wanted to try for a baby. It had been on the cards for a while, but I had been made redundant last year and a variety of family circumstances meant we made the decision to wait. I should point put at this point I have always wanted to be a Dad, looking up to mine always, despite his many faults.

 

So in early January we found out my wife was pregnant, and we were of course overjoyed. We told my parents, and a few very close friends, but no-one else. Thankfully.

 

Fast forward to last week, and after a few concerning symptoms (which the midwife described as normal and fine, which I am sure they often are), at ten weeks we decided to allay our fears and we paid for a private scan. 

 

Sadly, the scan revealed there was no heartbeat, and the "baby" (I'm trying not to use that term in order to minimise my own personal heartbreak right now) was registered as no longer being alive. I honestly cannot think of a more physically and emotionally draining experience than hearing that news. It has been well over 24 hours and I'm not sure how to process it still, let alone how my wife will cope. She seems ok thus far, but aside from the sort of crying that we have both been doing it feels hard to figure out how we move forward from here. I think we'll try again, but I am terrified of having to go through this again. The whole experience has been devastating for us both.

 

I'm not looking for sympathy posting this, my family and friends have been great for that, but I need to put this out there somewhere and given how good the UKFF has always been to me, I feel like this is a great place for me to vent this. Please feel free to ignore this as required, but if anyone has ever been through similar I am very much open to advice.

[Keith Houchen]

That's really horrible, I can't imagine the pain you're going through. Hope you and your wife can find strength through each other and do what you can to get through it.

[PunkStep]

I'm truly sorry and saddened to hear it. I really hope you and your wife- well Keith put it best, find strength. I can't imagine how painful this must be for the both of you.

[Retro Red]

Really sorry to hear this man, it's heartbreaking to go through; we had the same in 2014 although a couple of weeks earlier. What I would say, is that although it's probably the last thing on your mind right now it's said that couples who try again soon after have a greater chance of conception.We followed that advice even though we were like you very scared of it happening again but 10 months after the miscarriage my wife gave birth to our second daughter.

 

[Onyx2]

I'm so sorry for you. Miscarriage is much more common than is popularly known about. 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, so the odds are good that people you know have also been through but chose not to talk about it.

 

You should allow yourself to grieve to come to terms with it. Right now I'm sure it feels as if life won't go on, but johnnyboy is right in that each day gets a fraction better.

[mim731]

Thanks all. As always this place is a great pillar of support and I really appreciate your help and suggestions. Obviously it's a very difficult time but we'll get through it together, and things will get better day by day I'm sure.

[Mr.E]

As you've said, take it day by day.

 

A close friend of mine had similar circumstances when he and his wife we're trying to conceive, and I was around for the heart-break of all that. I will say don't think anything like "well this is it" as despite this being a terrible time, it doesn't mean it won't happen for you in the future. As an example, my friend and his wife now have a beautiful baby girl, and these unthinkable issues brought them closer together, in a strange way.

 

I don't want to sound like an arse or anything, but again take it as it comes and don't put the idea of children away because of it.

[mikehoncho]

mim731 ... I can empathise with you.  FWIW my ex & I had at least 4 miscarriages (going a long way back now) & it never got easier, but the very first time felt like the end of our world right then & there.  It was a horrible, horrible time ... we got through it & ploughed on ... I hope, really & sincerely hope you have a little 'un soon enough.  The ex wanted all manner of tests, which confirmed that she was fine so I copped all the blame.  Naive me should have had tests too, I guess, but that's all water under the bridge now.

 

As a postscript, I'm now re-married & have a 2-and-a-half year old.

[mim731]

Thanks again everyone, your advice and experience have been ridiculously helpful in coping with stuff this past week or so. We're both doing a bit better now and trying to look to the future, obviously it doesn't get better overnight, but we're on the right road to moving forward now I think.

[Surf Digby]

Cheesey as anything, but I don't care. I spent nearly two hours cleaning up his corned beef skin (and the gouge on his cheek from his Wolverine-esque fingernails).