~*UKFF's Children Thread*~

[waters44]

A stressed and tired dad here looking for some advice please

 

My eight month old daughter hates going to bed. She is all chirpy in the evenings, then at 7:30 as I put her into her cot and walk out of her room she screams hysterically. I walk back in the room, she stops screaming. I leave the room and she starts screaming again, rinse and repeat.

 

I can't bear the screaming so last week I picked her up and laid her on our bed and sat with her. Within 2 minutes she was asleep, so I picked her up, put her into her cot and she stayed there until morning.

 

Since then she won't even go near her cot without screaming, so every night I have to get her to fall asleep in our bed before transferring her across to her cot.

 

Now things have got even worse, where the last few nights she has woken up in the night and just wants to sleep in our bed with us. We try to transfer her across to her cot, but she wakes up and doesn't settle until shes in our bed.

 

Is this normal? Have we fucked it all up already? For the last few nights we have just let her sleep in our bed because we all at least get a fairly decent sleep.

 

I'm thinking we need to be brave and just put her in her cot to scream herself to sleep but is that really a good idea? Has anyone else had a similar situation?

Edited August 11, 2016 by waters44

[wandshogun09]

My daughter did the same thing. When she'd start getting sleepy in the evening we'd have to put her blanket on the sofa and let her nod off there next to us, then move her to her cot when she was completely conked out. And not a second sooner or she'd wake and scream the place down. We had to do this routine right up until she was about 1 I think.

[Retro Red]

Had this with both my daughters, the 2nd just a couple of weeks ago was getting into the same habit (she's 15 months now), falling asleep in your arms but screaming as soon as she's put into bed until picked up again. It's a tough thing to do, but you do need to have that crisis point where you just let her scream herself out and fall asleep. So long as you know she doesn't need anything and is just doing it for attention then leave her. It's terribly hard to do, you'll feel awful but it's for the best. She wants attention and if you continue to give in she'll know she's in charge and will keep doing it. If you do this, as hard as it is, it will indicate in some small way that bedtime is by your rules. We had that moment a week or so ago with number 2, and she's not been a problem since.

[Onyx2]

I have to agree with the Sexually Fluid Father, you have to shut the door and leave her to get on with it. It's heart-breaking, and will make you doubt yourself as a parent. But in a shockingly small amount of time (usually no longer than a few days) it will settle down and she'll realise it's a waste of effort calling for you. Went through it with both of mine. For obvious reasons it helps to do this when you have some time off and aren't too bothered about being sleepy-grouchy the next day.

 

HOWEVER

 

 

"...you should do what you feel is right, of course."

[King Coconut]

Yep. Leaving them screaming themselves to sleep is hard but it's an instant solution.

[waters44]

Thanks everyone.

 

Are you all Dads? Its funny - every Dad ive spoken to has said to leave them to cry themselves to sleep. Yet all the Mums have said just let her sleep in bed with you and she will grow out of it soon! 

 

Leaving her to cry herself to sleep feels like the right thing to do and is what my instinct is telling me to do. I'll try it tomorrow night and see what happens.

[King Coconut]

Yep. My wife was dead against it too but after a year of none of us getting any sleep I sent her out for the evening and fixed it forever.

[PunkStep]

Echo the suggestions of 'let them scream it off'. They'll tire themselves out to the point where they'll give in, it's hard at first but really doesn't take long to click afterwards. If you let them sleep in bed with you, it's a very hard habit to break.

[Teedy Kay]

Both my girls have needed controlled crying, there's some good articles and techniques to use, timings being an important one.

 

Just look for 'controlled crying' and it could help loads.

 

Be warned it can be bloody heartbreaking and hard to do, it is vital you stick to your guns with it. My girls went from blarting all the time to sleeping through (pretty much) very quickly, my oldest getting it in 4 days, my stubborn youngest taking just over a week.

 

I used to have to start it when the wife was working nights as she couldn't take the crying.

[Retro Red]

Yes, both kids had this issue for a while, the first was especially bad until I basically had to tell the wife that we had to do it, she wasn't happy either time but it did work. Also the 'they'll grow out of it' thing, the wife has 2 or 3 friends who's kids still don't sleep in their own bed and that's going on for years (one is 10), so that's not always the case.

[SiMania]

Thanks everyone.

 

Are you all Dads? Its funny - every Dad ive spoken to has said to leave them to cry themselves to sleep. Yet all the Mums have said just let her sleep in bed with you and she will grow out of it soon!

 

Leaving her to cry herself to sleep feels like the right thing to do and is what my instinct is telling me to do. I'll try it tomorrow night and see what happens.

There's definitely a mum/dad divide on this. I'm all for letting them cry it out but I think my wife would divorce me rather than give in and try controlled crying. My 4 year old was in our room til he was 2 as he'd grt cuddled to sleep every night and if he cried, she'd bring him into bed.

 

The youngest is 10 months old and just goes to sleep without any fight but he's in a cot with 3 sides and the open side is at our bed so it's easy to give him a dummy or rub his face to sooth him if he wakes up.

[Thunderplex]

I couldn't do it. Just used to get her to sleep holding her, then put her in the cot.

[wandshogun09]

Same.

 

The mum/dad divide thing was the opposite with us actually. My wife was the one saying we'd have to leave my daughter to cry herself knackered or she'd never get out of it. I was the soft sod who'd always cave and put her on the sofa with us to get her to sleep.

 

She's coming up to 3 now and has been sleeping in her room a good year and a half but it was no thanks to me. I'm terrible with stuff like that. And they're not stupid. Even at 2 years old she clearly knows I'm the pushover out of me and her mum.

Edited August 11, 2016 by wandshogun09

[SuperBacon]

I wanted to share something with you all as it's a bit beautiful and it makes me proud to be a parent.

 

I have two girls, one is 7, the other is 4 in a few weeks. They're very different, from everything from personality to films, music, temperament.

 

Me and my (separated) wife are pretty liberal. We have always from the moment we met had very similar ideals for our children and don't really care what anyone thinks, as they're our children, and we'd never tell anyone else how to raise their kids.

 

Anyway, our youngest has, from an early age been into Star Wars, wrestling, superheroes etc, what are traditionally labelled as (ugh) boys things. Don't get me wrong she loves a bit of Shopkins and My Little Pony, but she's always loved those things more (obviously she's got it from me) as I like all those things too.

 

Anyway, we've always let our kids choose their own clothes and what they want to wear (unless they go batshit crazy and want to wear Spider-Man costumes to a funeral), and since the age of around 2 and a half, our youngest has always picked boys clothes, shoes, hats etc. Fine, that's what she wants, that's cool with us.

Then about 6 months ago she asked her Mum to cut her hair short "like a boy" (specifically like Willy Wonka, another obsession of hers). Again, fine, Mum cut it to just shorter than shoulder length and she loved it.

 

Then about 2 weeks ago she told us she didn't want to be called her name and she was now Theo, a name I have no idea where she got. She insisted that we called her it, and then her Mum asked her why, did she want to be a boy?

 

This is what I wanted to share, she replied:"Mummy, I'm not a boy or a girl, I'm just me" I don't live with them and when their Mum told me, I thought that was one of the most innocently beautiful things I'd ever heard. So simple.

 

She's still asking to be called Theo and it's fine. It's probably just a phase of hers but to be honest I wouldn't give a shit what she is when she's older as long as she's happy. But what she said has been playing over and over in my head, and I just think it's the best thing I've ever heard.

 

Anyway, that's my essay. This is literally the only place I wanted to share this as I know on other social medias this will be seen as bullshit or didn't happen and thought some parents and non parents might be interested.

[PunkStep]

That's lovely, what personality she has at such a young age!

 

As for the name Theo, well I can guess why she wants that name...