PE teachers are pricks

[JLM]

4 hours ago, RedTwoster said:

My PE teacher was actually really nice, but she had the nickname ‘fuck arms’ and I still don’t know why, or where it came from.

 

We had Mr. Holmes, everyone called him mr Hollums, then it morphed into Hollumafuck, then Holluma-fuck-tree. it makes no sense whatsoever, but the challenge was for people to sing “mr hollumafucktrreeeeee” under their breath, gradually increasing the volume as each new person picked it up. He was not a well liked teacher. 
 

From ages 5-14 I went to a very archaic ultra-Christian private school that my mum could definitely not afford. The PE teacher there would sentence people to a caning on the back of the legs for infractions such as wearing an earring to school or swearing. Also there was one day where I lost a clarinet during my first break. It was borrowed from the school so I was in a panic. He was the first teacher I saw so I told him about it. I then found it at lunch time but didn’t think to go and tell him. He came to see me at 4:30, having spent his day looking for it, with a letter for my mum explaining that she was going to be billed for a new one. I then told him I’d found  it and he turned a sort of deep reddish purple and said “will you get yourself FUCKING ORGANISED!” I didn’t even know teachers were capable of swearing at that point. Still shudder when I think about it. 

[LaGoosh]

2 hours ago, TheBurningRed said:

That PE teacher she was having the affair with used to come to the pub with us when we were 16-18. He’d buy us drinks which was great. We thought he was really cool, until we looked back years later and realised how weird it was he was hanging out with teenagers. Back when people posted photos of every night out on Facebook, he’d always be in them. Posing. No shame.

Something I never thought about at the time was how young some of the teachers must have been. When you're a teen everyone is just an "adult" but some of them were undoubtedly only 22 years old and probably still living with their parents or something so it's no surprise some of them were such fucking idiots.

[Thunderplex]

In our school we had to have communal showers after PE which were dreadful.  In the 2nd year the PE teacher got in the showers with us and started waving his cock around shouting “You lot will never have one like this.”  He moved schools shortly after…..

[gmoney]

10 minutes ago, Thunderplex said:

In our school we had to have communal showers after PE which were dreadful.  In the 2nd year the PE teacher got in the showers with us and started waving his cock around shouting “You lot will never have one like this.”  He moved schools shortly after…..

What an actually insane thing for someone to do. 

[Chest Rockwell]

Yeah I had a thought like that to myself the other day when I saw one of my daughter's teachers being dropped to school by his mum. 

Edit: in response to a couple posts ago

Edited July 2, 2025 by Chest Rockwell

[JLM]

One of the more necessary edits I’ve seen on here. 
 

“Yeah I was just thinking the other day I need to let these young guns know they will never be packing like I am”. 

Edited July 2, 2025 by JLM

[SuperBacon]

1 hour ago, gmoney said:

Can I note here that at no time during my schooling did I ever take a shower, or know of anyone who did. I went to two high schools. We had showers at both, but we never ever used them or were asked to use them. We must have stank. 

Lynx covers everything. 

[gmoney]

1 minute ago, SuperBacon said:

Lynx covers everything.

That reminds me of another PE teacher who told we shouldn't use underarm deodorant as it causes cancer. You know, all those cases of armpit cancer? 

[BomberPat]

my first secondary school had a "pavilion", with the changing rooms and showers in it. I definitely never used the showers there. Maybe older kids did, or people who took rugby more seriously. But I doubt it. You just pulled your school trousers up over your legs caked in mud and sweat and trotted off to Geography. 

Showering was absolutely enforced at the second school, though. I don't know how much of that was institutional, and how much of it was the personal purview of that one sleazy PE teacher, though I suspect it was a little of both. 

I tried to do some digging to see if that teacher was ever in the news for the obvious, and while I didn't find anything on him (I might not have remembered his name correctly, either), I did see that about ten years after I left that school, a PE teacher was suspended for shooting a kid in the face with a starting pistol.

[Just Some Guy]

5 hours ago, BomberPat said:

we had to do a "cross-country" run around Beverley Westwood.

How big was this woman!?

[deathrey]

Was my school the only school that had a PE teacher exchange? The more I think about it now, I appreciate how bizarre it all was. One of our male PE teachers fucked off to Australia for a year and they sent an Australian PE teacher to us in exchange. This was during our GCSE year and he used to do a meditation group with the Year 11 girls which was basically all of us who couldn't be arsed to do PE. Initially it started as actual yoga/meditation/relaxation type stuff but within a few weeks we were just watching VCR tapes of Neighbours that he had sent over from Australia because they were 6 months ahead of us.

[Cannibal Man]

one of our PE blokes got beaten up in the middle of the road once while driving to some sort of climbing centre. I forget what kicked it off now but he got out of the van to confront someone about some stupid fucking road thing and instead of a conversation the other bloke starts swinging at him and he goes

"i've got kids here, you madman!"

and legs it back in where upon the lot of us were fucking laughing at him and then I think until the day we left about once a week you'd hear someone go I'VE GOT KIDS YOU MADMAN at him from across the hall

Edited July 2, 2025 by Cannibal Man

[davertfnewman]

Some more memories that have come to mind:

- There was a sixth-former who was probably keen to be a PE teacher, so they had him assist with the lessons. It was 1993 and he liked himself a bit, so he had hair like Marcus Alexander Bagwell.

- Our field was flat, then dropped off, and the drop off had trees in the middle, so if ever you asked to go to the toilet during PE lessons you were told to go behind the trees. Similar premise when we went up the nearby hills to do orienteering.

- When I was at uni they had us go in and work with some primary school kids to help them with reading and writing. Sort of school where it's mostly female teachers, but one male in to be the strict disciplinarian. Sort who was in his fifties, solid, not in shape but could play the game as long as he could spit on the field, rugby shirt and trackies, would've looked awful in a suit. He was telling a colleague about how some kid had given him a bit of lip, so he asked him "Do you wanna say that again with a broken nose and no fucking teeth in your gob?". Thought that was a bit severe even for 2005!

[IANdrewDiceClay]

I posted this on here years back, but I had to have been 7 when this happened. 1991/92 or something. I remember my Mam bought me these 25 pence WWF rub on tattoos, during my dinner break. I put one on (Davey Boy Smith IIRC). Anyway, in PE (vest and pants obvs), my teacher saw it and fucking went spastic. Real in my face shouting "what is that! GET OUT!" Fucking madness. I remember being terrified. That isnt right is it? You cant do that shit, even then. Fucking cunt. Fair enough, if it was a heel. Like Akeem or Ted Dibiase, but not the nations favourite son.

 

[Just Some Guy]

Fortunately no horror stories for me.

All of mine seemed to be thoroughly decent blokes including this fellah

https://www.southportcentral.co.uk/promotion-personalities-eric-curwen/