PE teachers are pricks

[I Bent My Wookie]

3 hours ago, DavidB6937 said:

Yeah well I've always thought your posts were very eikoow ym tneb I.

Marge I'm off to join the navy

[Jesse]

I've seen this forum's fantasy booking, nobody here has got the imagination to make these up

[Onyx2]

23 hours ago, JLM said:

hollumafucktrreeeeee

picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been.

[simonworden]

On 7/2/2025 at 6:38 PM, gmoney said:

Can I note here that at no time during my schooling did I ever take a shower, or know of anyone who did. I went to two high schools. We had showers at both, but we never ever used them or were asked to use them. We must have stank. 

The showers in my school were actually so low to the ground you couldn't use them unless you knelt down, bent over or thrust forward. We did occasionally wash our legs off still fully clothed after a big game of rugby but that was as far as it went. 

We had 3 teachers in my school, the same the whole way through. Two younger men, one who was shagging a few female NQT year women and another that did the creepy chat you up once your 18 thing. 

Generally they were ok. The elder leader teacher taught me for the 5 mandatory years and he gave me a couple of fair bollockings. Once playing football I got the best of him. We were playing footie which sorry everyone I absolutely detest. He saw my lack of enthusiasm and had a quiet word. He said I could be a team player or I could do written work for the rest of the term. He didn't expect me to ask in reply how much, could I choose the topic and where would I be doing it. I was quietly dismissed. 

In fairness to him when I did have a fight he let it slide during a time when the school had immediate suspension rules. He also used me as a case study in A Level sports science about motivating people who would do sports but not enough to stop being a fat bastard. 

In Primary school, the PE directing teacher was a bit of a cow. Once asking me to do a push up Infront of the class. She was about 20 stone and probably couldn't manage it. I've yet to forgive 8. Year old Simon for not retorting. 

 

[LaGoosh]

In my teen school years I played a lot of basketball. I was pretty decent and won the South London 1-on-1, 3-on-3 and 5-on-5 one year. However basketball was not a massively popular sport and pretty much no one in my school except for me had even played it before until starting secondary school. Everyone played it like complete idiotic maniacs but that didn't really bother me because I was part of a team/club and considered that where I played basketball properly.

However the one thing I couldn't abide was the fact that the PE teacher who was supposed to be teaching the game clearly didn't know the rules of it at all. Whenever anything happened that was a clear breach of the rules and I commented on it she would give me an absolute bollocking and tell me I was wrong. I assume she played a lot of netball and assumed basketball had the exact same rules or something or she was just making it up as she went along because she had no idea. Daft cow.

Edited July 3, 2025 by LaGoosh

[Surf Digby]

18 minutes ago, simonworden said:

The showers in my school were actually so low to the ground you couldn't use them unless you knelt down, bent over or thrust forward. We did occasionally wash our legs off still fully clothed after a big game of rugby but that was as far as it went. 

Middle school showers were in a tunnel type set up, so you went in one end and came out the other, so there was no way of avoiding them. If your hair wasn't sufficiently wet when you exited, you'd be escorted back to the start.

At upper school, where showering was still expected, but less regulated (I suspect our real manly man PE teacher didn't want to be around a bunch of naked willies, due to gayness and all that) a bunch of us "hilarious" kids had a brief phase of showering with our PE shorts still on. I'm guessing this was the term when PE was the last lesson of the day, otherwise we would have had to sit around in damp pants for the remainder of the day. It was the 90s. We were all so whacky back then. You had to be there to understand.

There was a rumour that I don't think was ever truly confirmed, but was just accepted as true, in that when Mr Baker stood in for a PE session, during shower time he took one look at Ben, the obligatory "over developed" kid of my year, and announced "Eeh, that's champion!" to him.

[hallicks]

26 minutes ago, LaGoosh said:

I assume she played a lot of netball and assumed basketball had the exact same rules or something or she was just making it up as she went along because she had no idea. Daft cow.

This sounds pretty close to how Netball was invented - someone misinterpreted the rules of basketball and thereby created a new game. 

[Guest]

On 7/2/2025 at 11:33 AM, Chest Rockwell said:

Yeah always the way tbh. School doesn't want a scandal attached to their name so they quietly get rid. It's awful but very much standard practice.

Yeah this was my experience. We had a PE teacher at my primary school who use to sit the boys on his lap after swimming, give them a rubdown and if he was feeling up to it, stick his hand down their trunks. I only ever experienced the back of the trunks, but I think some of the others said he might have gone down the front. We were like 7-8, so it took a couple of years before it properly came out. This was before pedo-geddon, so it wasn't on radars as much as it is now/ Eventually, one of the boy's parents found out, talked to some others with similar stories and he was suddenly sacked. But just sacked, as far as I'm aware. I told this story at university once thinking of it as a weird little anecdote, got halfway through and realised what it actually meant.

He was replaced by a guy who, at least once, challenged a boy to a fight. 

[Chest Rockwell]

Fighting boys > grooming and molesting boys tbf. 

[Guest]

I mean you're not wrong.

[LaGoosh]

1 hour ago, Chest Rockwell said:

Fighting boys > grooming and molesting boys tbf. 

For sure. I had a teacher who once threatened to punch me in the face which is pretty bad but looking back, he had just had a kid so was probably sleep deprived and fed up of dealing with some gobby smart arse teenager so fair enough.

[Fog Dude]

Yeah, there would've been no time to use the showers even if we'd wanted to. The only time we were ever made to shower was in a hostel on a week-long excursion to the Peak District at the end of Year 6. In secondary school I assumed the ones in the changing rooms were just for people doing A-level PE or renting out the facilities outside of school hours.

My Year 7 Maths teacher was semi-retired from doing PE but definitely more likely to try to humiliate individual pupils with jokes on the rare occasions in he was taking a lesson in his tracksuit rather than his civvies. For PE in Year 9 we had a guy who was into sci-fi and also a music teacher and so didn't exude a lot of authority, which was the only year my marks for behaviour and effort dropped lower on my school report - naturally as an asthmatic weirdo I always did badly for actual attainment.

The bloke we had the rest of the time was generally sound, definitely neither a psycho nor a creep at least. He was a solidly built northerner with beady little eyes and very short brown hair. Early on there was some questionable relishing of rugby in the rain first thing Monday morning, sub-contracting dance classes to a Scottish trainee and taking his frustrations out on us at racquet sports.

Later on he mellowed, taking bad play or even students not knowing the rules to various sports in his stride with a little sigh. He also seemed more excited by the admin side of things by that point, becoming a Head of Year and then Head of Department, and tried to sell GCSE PE on the basis that it was only 40% practical and 60% learning about business & sports science in the classroom.

The highlight was definitely the fact he played for a team who won The FA Vase at the time - and the season before had been minutes away from the Second Round proper of The FA Cup too. The coolest of the arts teachers and an eccentric Egyptian maths teacher (later to become a contestant on Deal or No Deal) organised a school trip to Wembley to see him lift the trophy. Strangely, the teacher who always got to take top group which I always found odd was a shorter, balding fella with a big overbite who played for a more local team in the division below.

In Year 12 Wednesday afternoons were blocked off for sport. He let us use the gym unsupervised precisely once and inevitably we mainly tried to perform wrestling moves on each other, then the following week we were allowed to play rounders for a bit of primary school nostalgia. After that higher-ups made it clear we'd need to bring our kits if we wanted to carry on so we started using those hours as study sessions in the common room instead and then eventually just knocking off early.

Obviously I didn't know the female PE teachers as well but I saw one of them fairly often since she was also someone who helped the SEND kids. There was another who looked on the verge of retirement that once made my sister write an essay about badminton (the good thing about PE was we never had to do any writing!) while the youngest one I mistook for a sixth former and got told off for retorting to a bit too casually at breaktime.

[SuperBacon]

On 7/1/2025 at 10:58 PM, SuperBacon said:

I saw one of them full on punch a pupil in the face and nothing ever happened. To be fair, the lad was a prick

Thought I'd look up what happened to him, and a Brentford fans forum bought these up.

I feel a sort of vindication that I haven't misremembered him weirdly.

He made it all the way to deputy head as well! What a shit school.

[Guest]

I also remember a science teacher who took rugby a bit, and he went off on a rant once about how we shouldn't wear boxers because our bollocks would droop without any support and hang out of them. No context provided, because there wasn't any. We were 12.

Edited July 3, 2025 by Duke

[johnnyboy]

On 7/2/2025 at 3:42 PM, deathrey said:

One of our male PE teachers fucked off to Australia for a year and they sent an Australian PE teacher to us in exchange.

This also happened at my school, or maybe we went to the same school!  It was the whole family that came over including the Aussie teacher's kid who was in my year.  Striking silver hair and an absolute Magnum PI quality tache (the PE teacher, not his son).  This would have been in the early 90s.

Unless of course I'm making this all up.