PE teachers are pricks

[deathrey]

15 minutes ago, Nexus said:

I have the body shape for it...

PE teachers have come in all shapes and sizes in the schools I've worked at. One of my old deputy heads was a PE teacher, he wondered around in shorts and a t-shirt in all weathers. Disciplinary meeting with students and families were always fun as Dave sat there in his shorts whining about uniform.

Edited July 1, 2025 by deathrey

[SuperBacon]

My secondary school PE teachers were all built like brick shithouses, and no one (not even the "hard" kids) ever fucked with them. All rugby players, not unusual seeing as it was Twickenham. 

I saw one of them full on punch a pupil in the face and nothing ever happened. To be fair, the lad was a prick.

[gmoney]

A PE teacher in my school once went around the changing room pretending to throw a ball in each boys face in turn and laughed when you flinched. One kid didn't flinch so he threw it full force at him. Don't think he ever got in trouble for it, because he was there the whole time I was. Absolute psycho. 

Another PE teacher in my school was Paul Clement who went on to be assistant manager for Chelsea, PSG and Real Madrid, and less successfully a manager in his own right. He was very laid back. 

Edited July 1, 2025 by gmoney

[deathrey]

Dave is a short, bald 50 odd year old, I was taller than him and I'm 5'6".

My old school PE teachers were more like the ones you mention @SuperBacon. The female PE teachers were the scariest people in the school. Only one of them was nice - she was a Geordie who would often tell us stories about Gazza as she was in his class at school.

 

Edited July 1, 2025 by deathrey

[Chest Rockwell]

Split this out because I'm guessing there will be some good stories in this vein.. don't let me down keffers!

[Bruce85]

When I was at secondary school me and a friend were playfighting in the changing rooms before a PE lesson and the teach came in as I was sat on top of my mate slapping him. The teacher banned us from using the changing rooms for the rest of term and made us change in the corridor. It wasn’t even a quiet corridor, it was one of the main ones that staff and pupils regularly walked down. No way that would be allowed today! 

[westlondonmist]

The main PE teacher was called Mr Voice, he shouted a lot and looked like Mr Buzzcut. His bark was worse than his bite though. 

The weird ones were the volunteers for year 7 games, all retired members of the parish. They would stand in the showers watching you and would keep you there until you'd showered enough. My mum thought I was whining over nothing but the school had lots of rumours about sexual abuse which eventually hit front page news. 

[Gus Mears]

My grandad was a PE teacher. A lovely Welsh man from Merthyr Tydfil with a voice so loud you could allegedly hear him yelling from the rugby pitch which was a mile from the school.

He looked like Bullet Baxter and they named the sports field after him when he retired. About 200 former students turned up at his funeral.

#NotAllPETeachers

[davertfnewman]

Without naming them, our PE teachers were:

1. Older male who had funny mannerisms but knew what he was doing after years of doing it - had to come off active duty when he slipped on mud on a bank and tore the fuck out of his leg on the sports field and had to go inside the main building and be the careers teacher.

2. Younger male who had that look of looking older from his twenties but looked the same in his fifties - once impressed upon us that he was from a part of Merseyside where it wasn't uncommon to get studs down your shins and wanted to see more of that when we played and another time said he hoped we actually took showers at home because we hadn't taken any at school and stunk as a result.

3. Middle-aged female who was a bit shouty but not a lot to tell about her.

4. Younger female who was pretty easy-going and the most regularly competitive in sports outside school and knew her shit, but had to deal with a lot of homophobia.

[waters44]

Our PE teacher would constantly lie that he won an episode of Gladiators. Every week he’d say “I think it’s my episode this week”, so I remember sitting down on a Saturday night to see him, only to be disappointed he wasn’t on there. This went on for years. 

[FLips]

Our PE teacher was a big bald scouse bloke built like a wall, and his wife was the girl’s PE teacher. One day she quietly left and nobody knew why, until months later he left alongside the now-obviously pregnant librarian. Uh-oh.

[hallicks]

One of ours was a 5’4 Yorkshireman who was a rugby man that made no secret of the fact he thought football was for wimps.  Luckily, his rugby lessons were divided up into the hard/bigger lads and the weak/smaller lads, so there was a lot less chance of being pummelled if you were a waif like me. There was one lad even waifier than me who was the only person I successfully rugby tackled.

Anyway, one lesson we were all down on the field waiting, passing the time doing drop kicks with the ball (not the wrestling kind), and as he eventually trundles down, the kicks are still going on. He eventually stands among the throng and calls everyone to attention, at which point the last of the kicked rugby balls comes soaring down from the sky and lands plum on his head. Cue laughter from all present, and much going apeshit from Mr Rugby teacher. 

[TheScarlettChad]

My PE teacher was a meathead with califlower ears, and he had his favourites, He hated the wimpy nerdy lads, and loved the muscled up meatheads. 

The other not as common PE teacher was sound, and talked to me about Steve Ray Vaughn. 

[LaGoosh]

PE teachers are always twats and why wouldn't they be? They're useless. The only thing they ever learned to do in life was play sports to a level slightly above novice but were never good enough at any of them to get anywhere with it. And they spend all their life trying to teach kids how to play a sport they don't want to learn in the freezing cold. Constant humiliation.

There was one PE teacher who had typical short man syndrome, always angry, red faced, looked like a barrel and everyone hated him. On my 18th birthday I went out with my mates on the lash in Croydon, went to a terrible nightclub that played 70s music and there he was, on his own, pissed as fuck, trying it on with every girl in the place (who were all at least 10 years younger than him) and each one reacting with utter disgust.

[RedTwoster]

My PE teacher was actually really nice, but she had the nickname ‘fuck arms’ and I still don’t know why, or where it came from.

In Primary school we did have a teacher (not a PE teacher) who literally washed a boy’s mouth out with soap when he swore in class. She might be retired now, I’m not sure, but she was still teaching last time I was aware of her.