Minor Annoyances (Vol 2)

[SuperBacon]

2 minutes ago, cobra_gordo said:

There's one lad at work that insists on using my full first name (Jonathan) instead of what I refer to myself as (Jon), even though I use Jon in my signature on all emails and 150+ other staff members call me Jon. The only people that call me Jonathan are my nan, my mum when I'm getting a bollocking and this prick. 

Start shaking his hand at the end of every shift.

[tiger_rick]

11 hours ago, Chest Rockwell said:

I've debated that in my head a number of times as a natural 'hey' user in spoken conversation. Generally I err on the side of caution as a result when written.. I'll only use it with people I'm more familiar with. So I guess if any of them are like you they just assume I'm an aggressive cunt now.

I start mine with "Hey! Nothing you can say!"...

[Tommy!]

1 hour ago, cobra_gordo said:

There's one lad at work that insists on using my full first name (Jonathan) instead of what I refer to myself as (Jon), even though I use Jon in my signature on all emails and 150+ other staff members call me Jon. The only people that call me Jonathan are my nan, my mum when I'm getting a bollocking and this prick. 

I do that with someone and it's solely because they are shorting thier name to seem less middle class and are a cunt, so I know it irritates them.

[air_raid]

Work patter can be the worst. One cunt that thankfully got shitcanned in the Furlough Era created a template that included “I hope that you are well” which is so clunky it makes my teeth hurt. Sadly about three others couldn’t be bothered making their own template so when I view clients on our CRM I see the phrase often and am reminded of that terrible piece of shit.

3 hours ago, Chest Rockwell said:

I don't mind this one as it's a good shorthand way of saying "shut up and stop derailing the meeting, I'll talk to you about this later".

It sounds wanky, but it's useful.

I love when a middle manager uses that phrase and one of my level of expendable nobodies knows they’re being called a twat.

[gmoney]

"Happy Friday" is a great one to get when you're shift based and have got a weekend full of work in front of you. 

[Keith Houchen]

Some good candidates for the Daily Shithouse going on here! Proud of you!  My favourite thing with those management execuspeak cunts is beating them at their own game. They do it to create an us and them against the uneducated unwashed rabble to show they’re better than us. When they’d pull that shit with me, I used to Gus Hedges the shit out of them. I know other have done this too, but I’d introduce terms based on wrestling initials and constantly use them again and again to the annoyance of everyone to see if they’d catch on. The people who worked the 23:00 - 07:00 shift were always referred to as a night work operative, just so management might have to say “We had the scale out due to be picked this morning but the nwo have already done half”

[SuperBacon]

*Keith turning up in a senior management meeting unannounced*

"You people, you know who I am....but you don't know why I'm here"

[gmoney]

22 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

"You people, you know who I am....but you don't know why I'm here"

It's usually the other way around in my experience. 

[air_raid]

1 hour ago, Keith Houchen said:

When they’d pull that shit with me, I used to Gus Hedges the shit out of them.

 

Pop this in your thought percolater, see if it bubbles up!

[Chest Rockwell]

I went through a phase of looking up card messages online and using the stupidest ones I could find.

This backfired on me when I wrote a really sappy and saccharine message in this girls leaving card because I thought it was funny, and then it turned out she was just moving to another team in the same company and then thought I secretly fancied her the whole time.

[Mr_Danger]

As well as future endeavouring people I always put kisses under other people’s names on the group cards in work. 

[Tommy!]

I once signed my own card in the office when it was passed to me to contribute. 

"To Tommy, best of luck in the new job! From Tommy".

It went around the other 2/3 rds of the office after and no one clocked it. 

[Statto]

My mate Al just writes "Have a good one, Al" in every card that comes across his desk, assuming it's a birthday card and not bothering to check who it's for.

Thus far it's made it into a couple of retirement cards (not too ill-fitting), several leaving cards (less so) and one unfortunate sympathy card.

[air_raid]

Zipper going on the left hand side of a jacket/coat as worn. When did this begin, and how do I stop it?

[gmoney]

Sounds like you've bought a woman's jacket.