Grecian Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 A guy in my office is known for talking utter gibberish. To amuse myself, I've been noting down some stuff he's said today, taken completely out of context. For no good reason, here's a few examples...: If someone asked me how many windows are on my house, I’ve got no idea In the evening, he eats a whole roast beef, with custard on it, before going to bed with an unappealing wife and having rubbish sex. There you go, that’s the English for you. All I wanted to know was what the time was, and I had a school chair chucked at me As long as the hair is theatrical… But you have to know, in constructive terms, what makes a successful business, and not necessarily just turn up, state the bleeding obvious, and just wander off Being anxious means to be human. I spent over 800 quid on a coat. I’ve never worn it. It’s in a bag in my wardrobe. His dad was the go-to guy if you wanted a fat, useless, chump. It’s a party, just for him. He’s sat on a toadstool, with a member of staff dressed as a clown, prodding him It’s got yogurt in its feet I took my boy to a Build-a-Bear party. You build the bear. And then you just go home. That was it. Opera. It’s just poncing about in Italian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wordsfromlee Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 6 hours ago, Kaz Hayashi said: In other news, my mate has informed me that Noel Edmunds has set up a radio station purely to besmirch Lloyd’s bank, due to him being fiddled out of some coin in the past. Listeners who’ve dealt with their poor customer relations and have been jipped out of coin, can tune in and listen to Noel talking about Lloyd’s being a set of nasty robbing bastards, including use of the term ‘financial rape’ in between classic hits such as Smooth Criminal and Policy of Truth. He also plays sad piano music over the top of call ins from disgruntled Lloyd’s customers. He has lost the plot, he’s interviewed himself pretending to be someone else in order to tell a rip off story, but it was obviously him. He failed miserably. All it needs now is someone pranking him, pretending to be from Lloyd’s and have an on air argument. He can subsequently accuse them of feeding burgers to swans. http://noel.world/noel-news/lloyds-victims-radio-station-now-52786-regular-listeners/ Seriously, tune in, its absolute gold. His radio station is fucking mental. But then again, Noel is a massive fruit loop. Like that box that he endorsed because he was convinced it cured cancer (which he said was caused by negative energy by the way). Jon Ronson wrote a great article about the behind the scenes goings on at Deal Or No Deal during it's hey day which is a good read. https://www.theguardian.com/media/2006/oct/21/broadcasting.arts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members I Bent My Wookie Posted January 19, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 19, 2018 You still working in the same place Grecian? Trying to play guess who on who in your office I'd recognise to make half those comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 7 hours ago, Kaz Hayashi said: In other news, my mate has informed me that Noel Edmunds has set up a radio station purely to besmirch Lloyd’s bank, due to him being fiddled out of some coin in the past. Listeners who’ve dealt with their poor customer relations and have been jipped out of coin, can tune in and listen to Noel talking about Lloyd’s being a set of nasty robbing bastards, including use of the term ‘financial rape’ in between classic hits such as Smooth Criminal and Policy of Truth. He also plays sad piano music over the top of call ins from disgruntled Lloyd’s customers. He has lost the plot, he’s interviewed himself pretending to be someone else in order to tell a rip off story, but it was obviously him. He failed miserably. All it needs now is someone pranking him, pretending to be from Lloyd’s and have an on air argument. He can subsequently accuse them of feeding burgers to swans. http://noel.world/noel-news/lloyds-victims-radio-station-now-52786-regular-listeners/ Seriously, tune in, its absolute gold. Jesus, this is sensational!  It's like cover versions but with the words changed to something money based.  There was a fantastic version of Paul Hardcastle's 19, but instead of commentary about the Vietnam war, it was about how Iceland locked up the bankers and how we should do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted January 19, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 19, 2018 The lads clearly had too much cake. Anyway, matter of time at this rate:Â Â Â Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members ReturnOfTheMack Posted January 20, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 20, 2018 Found out today I'm related to the lead singer of Def Leppard. He's second cousins with my mum. You'd think she'd have mentioned that during my metal phase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members bAzTNM#1 Posted January 20, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edited) 8 hours ago, Keith Houchen said: Jesus, this is sensational! Â It's like cover versions but with the words changed to something money based. Â There was a fantastic version of Paul Hardcastle's 19, but instead of commentary about the Vietnam war, it was about how Iceland locked up the bankers and how we should do the same. Paul Hardcastle was dancing around with Dementia patients during a video piece for BBC Breakfast yesterday. Rather odd, but good that he's out there doing it for a charity. Edited January 20, 2018 by bAzTNM#1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Kaz Hayashi Posted January 20, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edited) 3k went missing out of his sons child saving account. He 100% believes that Santander stole it. He even went to the ombudsman who ruled in favour of Santander due to the issue being ages ago and lack of evidence. He said he’s not bothered about the money, but the principal, and when he gets the money back it’s going to charity. Anyway, he recently threatened to send bailiffs around to Santander HQ, as you do.. it only bloody worked. They’ve backed down and sent 3k to a charity of his choice. Might be wrong but assume that’s why there’s this version of 13. Edited January 20, 2018 by Kaz Hayashi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members air_raid Posted January 20, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 20, 2018 21 hours ago, PunkStep said: @air_raid would gobble that up instantly. How very dare you. I restrict my feats of gluttony to Festive Bakes and the occasional 50 nugget challenge. And last night when told the tapas was £3.95 or £9.99 for 3 I may have said "Yes please, six." But I draw the line at frozen steak bakes, I'm not an animal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grecian Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 13 hours ago, Shy Dad said: You still working in the same place Grecian? Trying to play guess who on who in your office I'd recognise to make half those comments. Yup, same place. It's not an academic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members BigJag Posted January 20, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 20, 2018 (edited) On 19 January 2018 at 2:22 PM, Kaz Hayashi said: In other news, my mate has informed me that Noel Edmunds has set up a radio station purely to besmirch Lloyd’s bank, due to him being fiddled out of some coin in the past. Listeners who’ve dealt with their poor customer relations and have been jipped out of coin, can tune in and listen to Noel talking about Lloyd’s being a set of nasty robbing bastards, including use of the term ‘financial rape’ in between classic hits such as Smooth Criminal and Policy of Truth. He also plays sad piano music over the top of call ins from disgruntled Lloyd’s customers. He has lost the plot, he’s interviewed himself pretending to be someone else in order to tell a rip off story, but it was obviously him. He failed miserably. All it needs now is someone pranking him, pretending to be from Lloyd’s and have an on air argument. He can subsequently accuse them of feeding burgers to swans. http://noel.world/noel-news/lloyds-victims-radio-station-now-52786-regular-listeners/ Seriously, tune in, its absolute gold. I've had this playing in the background. Noel has just mentioned something about having litigation backing and insurance. Essentially giving him virtually zero financial risk in his legal battle with Lloyds bank. Is this similar to what Hogan had when he sued Gawker? Edited January 20, 2018 by BigJag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hallicks Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 Hogan was backed by mega rich Peter Thiel who had a vendetta against Gawker for outing him as gay years before. So, similar, yeah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members BomberPat Posted January 23, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 23, 2018 Has anyone here tried to claim any "delay repay" compensation from Southern Rail/Gatwick Express? They announced over the PA at the end of a train journey to Gatwick a couple of weeks ago that we would be entitled to it, and I put in a claim, but the response I got was that it was "incomplete", and suggested I re-submit with a copy of my ticket. I have re-submitted, and attached a scan of the receipt for my tickets - is that sufficient? I don't have the ticket itself, as that was taken by the ticket machine at the station, so I'm not sure what else they would want, but I'd attached the same thing on the first attempt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PunkStep Posted January 23, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 23, 2018 Sounds like a very similar process to Greater Anglia/Stansted Express' delay repay service, although I haven't had them dispute a claim this far (and I probably claim on average once per month). Scan of the receipt should surely be fine, have an annual season ticket so I just enter by season ticket reference number, although my friend buys her tickets daily and I know she has to scan. I'm sure she's had a problem before where the ticket machine took hers and ended up just calling them to sort it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Jazzy G Posted January 31, 2018 Paid Members Share Posted January 31, 2018 My Mum's just sent me the oddest text. Apparently when she takes the dog out in the park there's a couple that go there with their Beagle. She's never spoken to them before, and always called the Beagle Jeremy in her head. Anyway, I don't know whether it was through talking to them, or the dog having to be called away, but it turns out the dog is called Jeremy Beagle. My natural reply was "You'd better watch out when he's about." Which prompted her to say that she didn't care how confusing it might get, all Beagles should be called Jeremy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts