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Devon Malcolm

Racist / Homophobic / Offensive Things Your Family Has Said

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My mum once seriously tried to convince me of her theory that a Pakistani friend of the family's recovery from lung cancer was "down to all the curry he eats".

 

That might not actually be all that far fetched, quite a few studies have been done on the healing properties of tumeric which is in every curry, it has known antibiotic properties and is given as one of the main reasons that rates of dementia are so low in south Asian communities. Obviously, the assumption that the Pakistani man eats lots of curry is another issue.

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I was walking with my Granda when I was about ten years old at the old Greenock Docks. Upon seeing a lot of litter, he proclaimed " This place was spotless before the Indians moved in! " There was a total of one Indian restaurant in a fucking five mile radius, yet those bloody Indians were to blame! My friend also called me a "pakora treat" in full ear-shot of an Asian gentleman. Pakora treat was the name of an Indian take-away and for some reason we would insult each other with the name of the place. We were young as you'd imagine.

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In an almost exact recreation of a Stewart Lee routine my Nan seems to think Health & Safety and Political Correctness are the same thing, and any encroachment on her right to do and say what she wants is "the muslim's fault". She's also not averse to using the corresponding racial slurs when eating in foreign restaurants, and always seems surprised there's anything wrong with those words when she's called on it. I think she honestly believes 'that lot' are just choosing random nouns from her vocabulary and arbitrarily making them unacceptable.

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After going to Jamaica in 1996, my mum's friend asked if she'd enjoyed herself. My mum replied with "Oh yes, it was lovely. But I didn't expect to see so many black people."

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Need to set this up by explaining this was at a family function where, in attendance, is the my Dad's cousins wife. She was born in what was Czechoslovakia in the mid forties. She is a convert from Judaism to Christianity. Apart from her and her (amazing) Mother there are hardly any family members her age or above due to Hitler's persecution of Jews.

 

It is common knowledge that their family were fucking wiped out. Obliterated. Murdered. No cunting more.

 

My Dad's uncle - who has stressed a dislike of the N word people in the past was recalling his days in World War Two. His opinions were that it was the Japanese who everyone really hated whereas the Krauts and us were "just jousting".

 

After the mandatory silence the poor woman's husband pops us with "well, Jewish people might not agree with you Uncle".

 

The old fools response was "I will give you that one" with a sarcastic note to the word that.

 

I love telling him that my cousin is gay and how I stayed with her for a few years.

 

Shuggy

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I can't find another place to post this so unless we open a Racist / Homophobic / Offensive Things People From Another Family Has Said this is the only place I can find.

 

In hospital about ten years ago and, in a ward of four guys, am watching what was either an Olympic football game between two African teams or an African Nations match.

 

One of the players dived pathetically then, to add insult to what wasn't injury, stays down in order to receive treatment.

 

I say "get up ya diving bastard" when; in the loudest possible voice, the guy across the ward from me and who I thought was OK elucidates his perspective of the situation by declaring "To be fair Shuggy; that big number five cast a spell on him"!

 

The guilt I felt about laughing at this was compounded by seeing one of the Doctors doubled up and almost pissing himself.

 

It's amazing how such feelings are barely hidden within what is supposed to be a progressive society.

 

Shuggy

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A scene with my Grandad a few weeks ago.

 

Granddad: Sam, did you read in the paper (he means The Sun which no one in our family except him reads) there's a town in England now where whites are the minority?

Me: *disinterested* Oh yeah?

Granddad: Bloody shocking.

Me: I'm not really bothered.

Grandad: What? How can you not be bothered?

Me: Well, skin colour doesn't matter.

Grandad: WELL IT BLOODY MATTERS TO ME MATE!

 

 

...I've been married to an Arab for the past 2 years. :(

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The only comment I got was from one of my mates (who's black) who commented "I bet she has a really pink pussy"...

 

Don't leave us in suspense.

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The only comment I got was from one of my mates (who's black) who commented "I bet she has a really pink pussy"...

 

Don't leave us in suspense.

She did, but last I looked it has splashes of white.

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The only one thing I can think of was we were watching Coronation Street and the gay barman ( Anthony?) sat down down on a couch and grabbed his boyfriends hand and my dad jumped out of his chair said 'nope' and went and made a cup of tea.

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The only thing i can think of really with my parents was if there was a black man on the mystery guest round of A Question Of Sport my dad would always make the "they all look the same to me anyway" line after suggesting it was Ian Wright.

 

Although i'm pretty sure it was in a taking the piss out of the racial stereotype way.

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My sister and my three year old niece went to a local convenience store owned by an Asian family.

 

When entering said shop my niece piped up saying "Mammy why is that genie sat in the corner?" pointing to an old gentleman wearing a turban.

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Sounds like I've had a similar experience to a few on here. My parents are genuinely lovely people who don't realise that a great deal of what they say is very offensive. The obvious ones pop up every time I talk to them- use of 'coloured' because they think it's the appropriate term etc.

 

I think the first time it ever really struck me was when I was in my teens and one of my cousins (I forget which- I've got hundreds) was dating a black guy. My mum was all up in arms about it and trying to disguise it and when I asked her why it was a problem her response was 'well, no white man will ever touch her again now'. Even as a relative youngster that really shocked me as mum had always been such a hippy, tolerant type.

 

I dated a half-iranian girl for years and my dad would ask massively ignorant questions- assuming she wasn't allowed booze etc despite knowing full well that I'd met her in a boozer. Shortly after we broke up I was seeing a Puerto-Rican girl for a few weeks and I remember feeling genuine relief when she went home and we ended it, purely because my old man's head would have exploded when he saw that she was slightly brown.

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I was with mum and dad watching Blackburn play Everton at Ewood Park in 2001 when my mum shouted "Move you slow black bastard!". It was then when me and my dad had to tell her that she was shouting at Mark Hughes and not Marcus Bent. I don't think she was wearing her glasses that day.

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Another Irish Catholic here, we have a black family across the street (with a white mother) and my father nearly shit himself with glee when they were having a tanning bed delivered (presumably for aforementioned mother), just days and days of "what do they need that for" and the like.

Edited by Inspector Paul Solo

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