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Devon Malcolm

Racist / Homophobic / Offensive Things Your Family Has Said

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"Im the nigger in the wood pile" used before

 

Didn't Garth Crooks use this on live TV once? Italia 90?

 

Just Googled this. Apparently it was Geoff Hurst saying it with Garth Crooks sat next to him. Amazing.

 

Oh! I'd always thought it was Crooks who said it himself! Wow.

 

Frank McLintock was binned from Soccer Saturday a few years ago for referencing Agatha Christie's Ten Little Niggers on air.

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Our family went away to Blackpool when I was about 16. We were in a pub one night and my uncle, who's half deaf so louder than he needs to be at the best of times, had had a few jars. In what he probably thought was his discreet voiced, he boomed to the rest of us that 'the bloke on the table behind is as bent as a nine-bob note'. My mam got embarrassed, refused to turn round and look, so he reiterated: 'he is, man. He's as camp as a row of tents. Look at him, in his shorts. He looks exactly like Michael Jackson'.

 

When we turned round, it was a woman. Turned out my uncle is nearly as blind as he is deaf.

 

Also my mam, to this day, thinks that 'black' is a more offensive term than 'coloured'.

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Our family went away to Blackpool when I was about 16. We were in a pub one night and my uncle, who's half deaf so louder than he needs to be at the best of times, had had a few jars. In what he probably thought was his discreet voiced, he boomed to the rest of us that 'the bloke on the table behind is as bent as a nine-bob note'. My mam got embarrassed, refused to turn round and look, so he reiterated: 'he is, man. He's as camp as a row of tents. Look at him, in his shorts. He looks exactly like Michael Jackson'.

 

When we turned round, it was a woman. Turned out my uncle is nearly as blind as he is deaf.

 

Also my mam, to this day, thinks that 'black' is a more offensive term than 'coloured'.

 

I think it may have been at one point, because I remember my aforementioned Granda saying you should say coloured, not black.Which I found odd, considering his earlier blast about those bloody Indians. When did he become so politically correct?!?

Edited by BiffingtonClyro

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I will drag you all away from the world of casual racism to share with you this particular treat from my mum on the subject of the disabled.

 

It was uttered in Tesco carpark when she was having trouble finding a parking space.

 

"If all the spaccers in the country went to do their fucking shopping at the same time they would not need this many parking spaces. Not that they need them, people are paid to do their shopping for them and they could fucking walk like everyone else. It's a waste of time giving them all spazz chariots and parking spaces it really is"

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I think I need to step away from this thread now because that made me laugh. Especially "spazz chariots" :(

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"If all the spaccers in the country went to do their fucking shopping at the same time they would not need this many parking spaces. Not that they need them, people are paid to do their shopping for them and they could fucking walk like everyone else. It's a waste of time giving them all spazz chariots and parking spaces it really is"

 

That is actually a very salient point. People do do their shopping for them.

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The worst piece of old person racism I ever saw was at the care home my grandad spent the last few years of his life in. There was one very rude, and honestly pretty scary old lady who'd often sit by the entrance and shout abuse at you as you signed the visitor's book, or confuse you for a nurse and start yelling, and one time, one of the Indian nurses was, very politely and gently, trying to get her to go to her room or something.

 

"Don't you touch me. Get those black hands off me! I don't have to do anything you say, you're my slave. You coloured people are my slaves, and you have to do exactly what I say!"

 

She was a bit senile, but very, very posh, and I suspected she might have lived in the colonies in her younger days where she had housekeepers and the like, but the whole hospital/nursing home thing must be pretty odd for the elderly. Most of them have spent their entire lives having seen so few non-whites that they'd never fail to point them out with a nudge and a bit of deep-set racism, but they see out their lives relying on them for food, going to the toilet, and pretty much everything. Most of them seem to soften towards other races, like someone posted in this thread, but it's that weird, heartfelt but archaic sense of "I like you. You're my favourite nigger nurse."

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My mother-in-law once made the point that she didn't understand why a woman would want to be with another woman because they wouldn't have a man around to help them open any particularly tight jar lids.

Edited by Gladstone Small

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My gran once made the mistake of phoning a support line when her broadband connection was playing up. Sure enough, it ended up being an Indian call centre on the other end of the phone. Getting frustrated she yelled,

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My Dad once wanted to call a Jack Russell dog of ours Sambo, bear in mind we lived in Redcar which has a growing black/Asian community. Mam talked him out of it and the dog ended up being called Timmy. Bit of a racist at times my Dad, he even went and bought the box set of Love Thy Neighbour.

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Speaking of dogs - and this is one that's come from the elderly work colleagues - apparently it used to be quite common for black labradors to be called Nigger. Said colleagues didn't quite grasp why this would now be considered unthinkable.

Edited by HarmonicGenerator

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My Mum has often used the term 'he was so black he was almost purple'.

 

My Step-Mother recently stated that there's no such thing as homosexuality, they're just doing it for attention.

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Not a family member, but a female friend of mine referring to an encounter with a drunken lesbian once used the phrase "Get your filthy cunt chops off of me".

 

Not a phrase i've heard before or since, but alarmingly blunt none the less.

 

Worried about treading down the path of post wonderful racist things you've overheard, but many years ago i was in a car with a friends grandad who was taking us to a football game and almost ran over a couple of women in sari's. He turned around, not to check on us, but to say "That's a shame. You get 10 points for hitting a bongawonga".

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My Mum has often used the term 'he was so black he was almost purple'

 

That's the reasoning behind this chap's name.

 

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