Paid Members Accident Prone Posted March 23 Paid Members Share Posted March 23 A thread for your stories of severe embarrassment that made you want the Earth below your feet to open up and swallow you whole, recent or otherwise. Inspired by what happened to me today. I accidently smashed a bottle of wine whilst stocking up the cupboards this afternoon after the Saturday big shop. I was trying to save time by stacking the new stuff around the old stuff, instead of taking the time to fit it all into a usable system, and ended up squeezing too much onto one shelf, causing a bottle of jammy red to fall to the kitchen floor and smash into smithereens. After much sweeping and mopping, I drove to a nearby ASDA to replace it, stood in the self-checkout queue with the new bottle, and watched in slow motion as the bottle just slipped out of my hand and smashed into smithereens on the shop floor. A few "Waheeys!!!" could be heard as I blistered red with embarrassment, and an ASDA employee put his hand on my shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry mate, happens to everyone". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Blog Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 Never has a username been more apt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 My ex when pregnant with our first child was pacing round Boots looking for some cream of some sort. Turning into aisle after aisle, she finally lost it and frustratingly shouted to the sky "Why can't I find it, am I bloody blind?" to which the man stood in front of her with dark glasses and cane replied "No but I am" I was so glad it happened to her and not me to be honest, and I remind her of it constantly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted March 23 Paid Members Share Posted March 23 During Covid I used to go running on the canal at the same time everyday, and would always pass this old bloke who I assumed was out on his daily walk. It got to the point where I'd give him a nod and a wave as I ran past him and eventually he'd come out with little one-liners like 'get those knees up' or 'bloody hell, slow down!' One time I jogged past him and he went 'you can go faster than that lad, get a move on' or something and I replied with a jovial 'haven't you got a home to get back to?' To which he replied 'I'm homeless you cunt!' It suddenly made sense why he was in the same outfit and on the same patch of canal everyday. I had to change my route after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members waters44 Posted March 23 Paid Members Share Posted March 23 I think I’ve posted this one before but this moment still keeps me up at night. When my old Finance Director was leaving the office to go to his fathers funeral my mind was elsewhere and I said “Have fun!” I honestly thought I was going to have to leave, I felt absolutely rotten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 1 minute ago, waters44 said: I think I’ve posted this one before but this moment still keeps me up at night. When my old Finance Director was leaving the office to go to his fathers funeral my mind was elsewhere and I said “Have fun!” I honestly thought I was going to have to leave, I felt absolutely rotten. The fun in funeral! A common one don't worry. A while back on our weekly Teams meeting a colleague mentioned she had tomorrow off. "Oooooh doing anything fun?" was of course met with the reply that she was going to a funeral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members FLips Posted March 23 Paid Members Share Posted March 23 In the first week of Uni a guy called Mike had just moved in and was doing the rounds in an 8 floor tower to introduce himself. He came knocking and we all tried our very best to get a conversation out of him but he just wasn't biting at all. He was studying some sort of chemical engineering or something and we tried talking to him about that to no avail, we tried movies, games, sports, you name it. He had no social awareness that the conversation he was having with 4 or 5 people was dead and was awkwardly just stood in the doorway of our apartment. We all individually made weak excuses like laundry or unpacking to eventually get rid of him and after he'd gone we all had a right bitch about him and how boring and weird he was (which I still defend he was) and branded him "Radioactive Mike". Months later we have a fire evacuation in the middle of the night and as the whole building block are stood in the car park, our flat sees Mike walk past and he makes eye contact with us so we wave and say hello to him and he stops dead and goes "just so you know your walls are thinner than you think and I heard everything you all said about me" and walks off. Woof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator Frankie Crisp Posted March 23 Awards Moderator Share Posted March 23 I’m honestly going to need about an hour to get my shit down in here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathrey Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 I am very much looking forward to your contributions @Frankie Crisp, it'll be worth it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RIDDUM_N_STYLE Posted March 23 Share Posted March 23 (edited) A couple of weeks back I was in Manchester for For The Love of Wrestling, on the Sunday I was killing time in the city centre before my train home and popped into Aldi in the Arndale to look for these marshmallow brownie bites my mum likes, as I was leaving I walked down the booze aisle which was half cut off by a stock pallet, as I squeezed through I heard a clatter and turned round in horror to see two wine bottles fall off the shelf, one of which smashed, only bloody went and knocked them with my travel holdall didn’t I? Turned bright red, apologised profusely to the staff member, who kept saying ‘don’t worry about it it’s fine’ and I walked out quick as I could with my head down in shame and probably won’t ever shop there again whenever I go up there Edited March 23 by RIDDUM_N_STYLE Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonworden Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 Old one here, I was on a sixth form trip to Berlin. We were doing mostly all the ww2 and cold war sites. The most interesting of them was the Stasi police prison. The tour started with an intro by our guide who as with most of them at the time has been a political prisoner at one point. He asked if there were any questions before showing the intro video and I decided to pipe up"what were you in for?". Moments after I said it I realized how insensitive that was. The poor bloke welled up and said just watch the video. Turned out he was brought in as a young child with his mother who suffered a lot in the prison through physical and psychological interrogation. The tour of the site shed light on how awful the place was in great detail. Still feel awful about that question 20 years on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Linus Posted March 24 Paid Members Share Posted March 24 At work we have this stamp for attending an event and sometimes kids like it on their hands. I stamped one and said, "you can show Dad your first tattoo!" only to get back "Daddy's gone to live at Nanny's and he's not coming back" from the 3yr old as her Mum stood next to her... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB6937 Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 School assembly. One of those ones where you have to sit on the floor. I ALWAYS got pins and needles from them so I'd always be one of the last ones to get up so I could stretch my legs and get the feeling back. Sadly one time they decided to do prizes of recognition in the middle of the assembly. They called my name out. Great! Or not, because as soon as I stood up and tried to walk towards the headmaster I fell right back down. In front of the whole fucking year. As you can imagine, that wasn't something that just got forgotten. I'll never sit on the floor again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DCW Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 In my old job for probation service, I'd have to go to court every month or so to apply for summonses for folk not complying with probation or community service orders. Was usually really busy with police looking for search warrants too, so I'd try to get there an hour before the Judge started dealing with them to be first in the queue. One morning I wasn't feeling great stomach-wise, but I was number one in the line so didn't want to leave for the bathroom as I'd lose my place and be there for ages. Most judges hear these in open court, without the public and you sit in the witness box and give your reason for the applications. This morning though, the Judge was doing them in the tiny anteroom behind the court. I was halfway through giving my evidence, battling stomach cramps, desperately trying to hold in farts and feeling like I was going to crap myself while trying to focus and answer the Judge's questions. Finally, it was done and I'd gotten them signed off. As I was going to leave, the next lad was coming in & dropped his pen so I instinctively bent down to pick it up. You can see where this is going. I, unfortunately, let loose a gaseous emission that sounded like an elephant had drank 12 pints of Guinness the night before. I could feel my face turn as red as a fire engine, the lad whose pen I foolishly picked up started pissing himself laughing & I made my apologies and ran out of there as fast as I possibly could. Whenever I went back to court after that, I made sure not to go to that Judge, even if it meant me coming in on my day off to get them signed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Divorced Dad Posted March 24 Share Posted March 24 At the school I work in you submit your forward plans every term (essentially an indication of what you're planning to teach that term) and then have a meeting with a member of management to discuss your planning. Had my meeting with our temporary Headteacher recently and she was reviewing my plans. She stopped and asked me what I thought of the RE plans we used, "Well in all honesty I'm not a fan of them and think they're pretty shit" was my response. "Oh, I wrote them" was her response. Cue ground swallowing me up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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