CharlesTuckerTheThird Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 Years ago, I was staying with a friend from school during the holidays. I had the biggest crush on his sister. One morning I took a shower, but I'd left my towel in the spare room. "No biggie," I thought, "everyone's probably out, I'll just make a dash for the spare room." The instant, the fucking instant, I open the bathroom door, his sister opens her bedroom door. She looks down, laughs, and goes back into her room. I didn't want the ground to swallow me, I wanted the ground to swallow all of existence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 11 minutes ago, CharlesTuckerTheThird said: She looks down, laughs, and goes back into her room Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Hannibal Scorch Posted March 25 Paid Members Share Posted March 25 This is a by proxy, but I was involved. I was about 7, my brother about 3, and we were walking down a street near to our house. Me and my brother were just messing about in the street, pushing each other, nothing major. But my mum asks as a few times to stop it. We didn't and then she bellowed out, "Stop Bloody Fighting" and who should stick his head out of a parked car but Nigel Benn, whose family lived in the street we were on. My Mum was apologizing profusely, but he was just laughing at her explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lenin Posted March 25 Paid Members Share Posted March 25 (edited) 4 hours ago, SuperBacon said: Excellent episode. Mine happened in Morrisons years ago. I was sent to fetch a couple of bottles of Cola while my (ex) wife perused something else. I duly went and retrieved said bottles and for some inexplicable reason I then held them up as pretend boobies and jumped around the corner of the aisle making machine gun noises a la femme bots from Austin Powers. (Expecting to surprise the missus). Some old dear dropped her basket, screamed, almost fell over and half a dozen checkout lines fell into silence. Looking (glaring) at me. And I had absolutely no comeback. I waved and walked over to the trolley, placed said bottles and joined the back of a disapproving queue. One of those times. Edited March 25 by Lenin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted March 25 Paid Members Share Posted March 25 Not as cringe as others in this thread, more a shitty story of bad luck. In rural Ireland many years ago, I hopped on the airport coach in the very early hours. I step on, hand my money over and make my way down the aisle, realising that every single window seat is taken up by half asleep passengers. I resign myself to the fact that I’ve gotta pick an aisle seat and try to decide who best to sit beside. I take the seat beside some bloke who’s passed out with his headphones on, so I figure I won’t disturb him. Not five minutes later, the bathroom door flies open and his wife comes down the aisle, stops at me and asks why I’m sat next to her husband. A massive fucking coach with every single aisle seat available and I pick the one that was occupied. Heard a few sniggers from behind me as I found another seat. I wanted to fucking die. Even the driver was laughing as I got off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simonworden Posted March 25 Share Posted March 25 I've got another one where I caused but didn't feel the need for the earth to swallow me up. Circa 1990, we were going through the process of adopting my brother The final part of the process required a judge to sign off that the child's happy with a normal happy family. So were all off to the court. I remember my dad taking me round showing me the big court rooms and it generally being a pleasant morning for a 4 year old. We then sat in a small room with a lady judge who decided to ask "what do you call your brother?" I assume to see if I had a cute nickname or a shortened version of his name. My response was "poo poo head". Not a snigger at all from the Judge, absolute silence and I repeated it two or three times apparently. I got a rather large bollocking from my mortified parents after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members waters44 Posted April 3 Paid Members Share Posted April 3 Remembered one earlier that isn’t too bad but is wrestling related! In the mid 2000s I was big into BJPW and after trading for a few years I ended up with almost a full collection of shows that I worked through slowly At work we had a really nice lady from Hong Kong and one day we were chatting about languages. I don’t know how we got on to it but for some reason I wanted to test her to see if she could read Japanese. I took a BJPW disc into work and asked her to translate. Her face immediately dropped and she said something like “it says death with fire weapon”, I can’t remember exactly. Anyway it clicked straight away what a pleb I was for not thinking and showing her that. From that moment on she must of thought I was a right weirdo and that’s fair I guess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh Thesz Posted April 3 Share Posted April 3 (edited) About twenty years I was on a bus heading east from Duke Street in Glasgow. This snooty, cheeky cunt gets on and she lets the driver have it as the previous bus hadn't turned up and her complaint would be about the bus company and the poor bastard driving After finally shutting her mouth she turns and demand Malcolm, her poor husband, join her. I thought they had got off at Carntyne Road. You can guess what follows. As I'm getting off I say to the driver "Hymn going to Komplayne abouwt thees serrrrrrviisss shit. That's not her real accent and imagine being that poor cunt Malcolm" I then saw the driver point behind me. As he drove away and they stood next to me he was crying with laughter. Edited April 3 by Hugh Thesz I'm a dick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted April 4 Paid Members Share Posted April 4 22 hours ago, Hugh Thesz said: About twenty years I was on a bus heading east from Duke Street in Glasgow. Some bad traffic that! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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