Paid Members Carbomb Posted February 1 Paid Members Share Posted February 1 (edited) One of my favourite colleague windups I've ever heard on here (I think it was @Surf Digby) was, on realising that the colleague in question was obsessed with social media and getting Likes and Shares, he took advantage of them leaving their desktop unlocked to change their Facebook settings to "Me Only" and watching them go spare when they got no reaction at all to anything they posted. Edited February 1 by Carbomb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 I once took a component out of a handset phone so that the "speak" function wouldn't work for a colleague, and then couldn't put it back. Rather than admit defeat or admit to anyone really, I moved it to someone else's desk when everyone had left for the night. He got particularly irate after no one could hear him on about 5 consecutive calls and then lobbed it across the office so it "broke" This was in my recruitment scum days, and the messages I've received from people's computers being left open would be considered for grievances these days. The worst "banter" though was the managing director who was a huge Wolves fan, so would just send "Shit on the Baggies!!!" to 5,000 people whenever he saw a computer free. He was a weirdo and got fired when it turned out he had used expenses to REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members gmoney Posted February 1 Paid Members Share Posted February 1 1 hour ago, Dead Mike said: This reminds me jokes we used to play on each other at my first job in a call centre to make the job slightly bearable. Turning the contrast down on a monitor so the person would think their screen was goosed and get someone from IT down. Opening a blank email on their screen and plugging your keyboard into their PC and typing messages to them seemingly automatically when they sat down. The best (before they changed it so it was done centrally by IT) would be to change the name on their desk phone. When someone rang you it'd show their name and extension on your phone. We'd always change it to something innocent (Michael J Fox, Peter Beardsley, Dustin Gee etc). When they came back from the loo there'd be a post-it asking them to call back a senior manager only for said person to get a confused call from 'Bernie Clifton'. Grrrr great days. These are all absolutely top drawer, and I'll be doing the keyboard one at the first opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted February 1 Paid Members Share Posted February 1 19 minutes ago, SuperBacon said: The worst "banter" though was the managing director who was a huge Wolves fan, so would just send "Shit on the Baggies!!!" to 5,000 people whenever he saw a computer free. Yeah, sorry about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members BomberPat Posted February 1 Paid Members Share Posted February 1 I wasn't responsible for this one, but there was a tremendous bit of workplace pranking and shithousing at the same call centre - I think I've told this story before on here, but here goes. There were two managers - Kelvin and Andrea - and one supervisor - Bob - involved. Andrea had some problem with her back that meant there was a few months were she only worked a couple of hours a day, and she started getting annoyed that stationery went missing from her desk during the time she wasn't in, and printed out labels with her name on it and putting it on her stapler and so on. Kelvin pointed out that she was being a bit petty and ridiculous, and I've never been sure whether her response was out of more pettiness or turning it into a joke, but she just ended up labelling practically everything on her desk. Andrea then went home for the day, leaving Kelvin and Bob in charge. They removed all of the labels on her stuff, and replaced it with labels reading "ADNREA", to make it look like she had spelled her own name wrong on all of them. When she came in the next day, she was genuinely fuming about it. Their foolproof strategy for denying responsibility was that if Andrea asked them if they did it, Bob would answer "I never printed those labels", and Kelvin would say "I never stuck any labels on anything" - both technically true, because Kelvin did the printing and Bob did the labelling. But Kelvin played a blinder, because right before the end of Andrea's shift, while Bob was on lunch, he pulled out a stapler from his desk drawer, on which he had stuck a label saying "MELVIN", and loudly protested, "oh no, look, he got me as well!". With Bob thoroughly thrown under the bus, on a Friday afternoon, Bob was made to painstakingly remove every label before Andrea's next shift on Monday. Fast-forward to Saturday morning, when those of us unlucky enough to work weekends turn up, Bob shows up with his keys and lets us in to start the day. On entering the office, we find that someone has let themselves in either late Friday evening after the office had closed, or very early Saturday morning, because everything in the office is now labelled - not with anyone's name, just with the name of the object. Every stapler, hole puncher, keyboard, monitor, mouse, mug, plantpot, everything is labelled. Two years and an office move later, with Kelvin having been out of the company for a year, I was still finding things with those labels on them, and they cracked me up every time. By Monday, Andrea told both of them that they had been ridiculously immature, and while it had been funny, it set a bad example and they should stop messing around with this stuff. I popped into their office for something that afternoon after Andrea had gone home, and found them supergluing her mug to her desk and her jar of Bovril to a shelf, and working out how feasible it would be to glue all of her paperclips together end-to-end and then put them back in their jar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tamura Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 16 hours ago, Lorne Malvo said: I'll just continue getting my own back by taking in tinned fish everyday which they both hate the smell of. If you feel like pushing the tinned fish envelope a little bit further, take in some surströmming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 27 minutes ago, BomberPat said: But Kelvin played a blinder, because right before the end of Andrea's shift, while Bob was on lunch, he pulled out a stapler from his desk drawer, on which he had stuck a label saying "MELVIN", and loudly protested, "oh no, look, he got me as well!". With Bob thoroughly thrown under the bus, on a Friday afternoon, Bob was made to painstakingly remove every label before Andrea's next shift on Monday. Kevin for 'Heel of the year 2024' please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Healys Chutney Spoon Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 On 1/10/2024 at 9:35 AM, Lorne Malvo said: This reminds me of somebody on Facebook was was using the phrase 'cozzy livs' instead of 'cost of living'. To my shame I started using it ironically and now use it automatically when moaning about the price of something. Reminds me of plenty of others that wind me up: Saino's Platty Jubes Waity's Statey Funes Etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB6937 Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 Viral trends. "Oh we just HAD to try this viral trend! Look how cool we are!" I get it. I'm 40 and I have no interest in participating so it just pisses me off having to see the same fucking thing over and over. Maybe it was funny or entertaining the first time. It probably wasn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted February 1 Share Posted February 1 14 minutes ago, DavidB6937 said: Viral trends. "Oh we just HAD to try this viral trend! Look how cool we are!" I get it. I'm 40 and I have no interest in participating so it just pisses me off having to see the same fucking thing over and over. Maybe it was funny or entertaining the first time. It probably wasn't. I say you get 12 hours to participate, and then it's over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Scratch Posted February 2 Paid Members Share Posted February 2 Not wishing to just sounds like a right grumpy sod, but it feels as though every email these days starts with: Hi Douglas Hope you’re well. Could you please send me…. It feels as though everyone just assumes that if you don’t start with “hope you’re well” then the recipient will automatically think you’re utterly careless. It’s become so meaningless and insincere, I guess that’s why it’s become an annoyance to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 I prefer "hope you're well" rather than "hope this email finds you well" Sometimes I'll add a little something in if I haven't contacted them for a while, "hope you've had a good week" for a Friday, "hope you had a good weekend" on a Monday etc, but it's very much on feel with me, and I'm calling audibles as I write. My biggest work related annoyance is still 'reply all chains when we all have a bloody Teams chat that we can use and doesn't result in me shouting "STOP FUCKING REPLYING" at the laptop while the cat starts at me judging like "Mate, you need to calm down and relax, its just an email. Here have a dreamie" Erm, sorry, bit abstract there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members gmoney Posted February 2 Paid Members Share Posted February 2 (edited) HAPPY FRIDAY!!! 🥳 🤣 Cheers, I work shifts, so I'll be working Saturday and Sunday. Edited February 2 by gmoney Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 Sad that you don't get to enjoy a little FriYAY to be honest hun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB6937 Posted February 2 Share Posted February 2 Even though I don't work weekends I still hate Fridays. Fridays are never good at work. It's when all the clients realise they've done fuck all during the week and then decide to bombard me and chase for everything. So I don't celebrate anything until Friday is over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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