Paid Members Carbomb Posted October 6, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 6, 2017 11 minutes ago, Thunderplex said: Had a chat with a girl I worked with a couple of years ago about quorn. She loved it as it was a wonderful substitute for meat. I explained to her it was still meat, and the quorn is a genetically bred brainless animal that comprises of a round body, no legs, no eyes or ears, just a mouth and an anus. They are grown for 2 years, at which time they are euthanised by inserting a finger into both the mouth and the anus at the same time, suffocating it. In despair, she contacted PETA. This was the same girl I had the haggis discussion with. Bless. Howling at this. Thunderplex, you gem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted October 6, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 6, 2017 Oh man, that's the funniest thing I've read on here for a while. Good work Plex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted October 6, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 6, 2017 Wait a sec, @Thunderplex, I've just realised I might not have read the haggis story before. When did you tell that one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members mim731 Posted October 6, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 6, 2017 @Thunderplex There's a load of people on my train giving me dirty looks because I burst out laughing reading your post. That's superb work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Thunderplex Posted October 6, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 6, 2017 36 minutes ago, Carbomb said: Wait a sec, @Thunderplex, I've just realised I might not have read the haggis story before. When did you tell that one? It was a while ago. Haggis was brought up in a conversation with the same girl. it was a spin on the old story of the haggis being a vicious little animal with very sharp teeth, and that it is the fastest six legged land mammal on earth, but the legs on the right are shorter than the left, due to the haggis running round mountains in a clockwise direction. My spin was that to slaughter the haggis, they trapped them in a cage. The haggis is normally a carnivore, but they go completely apeshit for jam. You stand one end of a corridor with the jam, release the haggis and it runs at top speed to the jam. Unfortunatly due to the discrepancy in leg length, instead of running to the jam, it bears right and smacks the wall face first at top speed killing it. Sadly, if it’s an unusually tough haggis, this can take 3 or 4 goes. She was in tears. This was not a stupid woman, far from it, but she was very, very gullible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted October 6, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 6, 2017 Oh, my god. That's incredible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members PunkStep Posted October 6, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted October 6, 2017 Good fucking lord, I'm in tears, you absolute shit! Brilliant Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators PowerButchi Posted October 6, 2017 Author Moderators Share Posted October 6, 2017 Heemasexes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Dead Mike Posted November 26, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 26, 2017 (edited) ASDA have decided to give Iceland a run for their money in the fine dining stakes. Might get one & stick it in the freezer for when I'm going through my next bout of self loathing. Edited November 26, 2017 by Dead Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 My girlfriend has just fallen in love. Thanks, Mike! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merzbow Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 As John Zandig would say, Jeezus. That sounds ace, ASDA is the one store nowhere near me but I'll make the effort for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Arch Stanton Posted November 26, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 26, 2017 Rather than driving miles out of your way, I'm quite sure that's not the most difficult pizza topping to put together yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merzbow Posted November 26, 2017 Share Posted November 26, 2017 True but I'm due a rummage around Nuneatons charity shops, I'll grab one when I'm over there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted November 26, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 26, 2017 Bollocks. I'm stuck on my todd and I've already got dinner in the over. If I'd known that existed I would have gone via Asda on the way home. Oh well, there's still tomorrow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Thunderplex Posted November 26, 2017 Paid Members Share Posted November 26, 2017 Looking at it, I think you would need to crank the oven up high to get a bit of crisp on the fries, and put a foil shield round the edge to stop it burning. Awesome idea though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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