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Jesus Fucking Christ


Frankie Crisp

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3 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

Do you all know of the story/myth/certainly made up story of Mike Read and his late 70s show “Runaround”? Well, for the benefit of younger keffers (Basically anyone not called Houchen or Thunderplex) it was a kids show where you jumped on the line of one of 2 or 3 answers, then at the command of “Rah rah rah runaraaahhnd!!” You could jump over to a different answer. The tale goes that during recording, a little black lad jumped too early and Reid pointed at him and said “Not yet, darkie”. 
 

Anyway, was just driving back from the shops and the lights at the crossroads were on green. But as I approached, a little black lad ran out onto the road. You can guess what I said in a gruff voice. 
 

So, I’m sorry to break the hearts of all my fans on here, but I have no option but to cancel myself. 

Not a million miles away from this but I had to "cancel" myself yesterday as well.

There is an account on Twitter which lists the clubs that a player has played for from Wikipedia and you have to guess who it is. @wikiballersquiz if you're interested. 

I play it every day with a mate on WhatsApp and he was struggling to get yesterday's as it listed 0 goals but it wasn't a goalie.

I messaged him "I can give you a clue with one word and you will 100% get it"

The player was Eric Abidal and I am a bad, BAD person, as you can guess what the word would've been. 

I still feel bad.

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4 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

Not a million miles away from this but I had to "cancel" myself yesterday as well.

There is an account on Twitter which lists the clubs that a player has played for from Wikipedia and you have to guess who it is. @wikiballersquiz if you're interested. 

I play it every day with a mate on WhatsApp and he was struggling to get yesterday's as it listed 0 goals but it wasn't a goalie.

I messaged him "I can give you a clue with one word and you will 100% get it"

The player was Eric Abidal and I am a bad, BAD person, as you can guess what the word would've been. 

I still feel bad.

That’s the clue I would’ve gone for tbh. That and Barcelona = easy answer. I wouldn’t cancel you. 

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The only 2 I've managed to get right on there so far are Benjani and Scott Parker. I feel like such a dunce. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

More workplace related japes as I am in the office today and sat opposite a guy called Ben Mitchell who I'd never met.

Pleasantries exchanged, and I said "Last time you were here it was a different bloke" making a subtle Eastenders joke and it was met with a steely gaze and silence, and then I had to explain the gag whilst my colleague (who I do know) was silently dying with stifled laughter.

I'm writing this as I smoke 5 cigarettes in a row as I don't want to go back to my desk.

Current mood: spacer.png

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  • 3 weeks later...
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My mum and my sister are big fans of an American comedian called Matt Rife who as far as I know is reasonably well known but it's not like he is massive like Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle or someone like that. He's over here on tour next year and I wanted to get them tickets. Today was the presale and the cheapest were £133 each plus booking fee. They can watch him on YouTube because that is fucking ridiculous. 

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12 minutes ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

My mum and my sister are big fans of an American comedian called Matt Rife who as far as I know is reasonably well known but it's not like he is massive like Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle or someone like that. He's over here on tour next year and I wanted to get them tickets. Today was the presale and the cheapest were £133 each plus booking fee. They can watch him on YouTube because that is fucking ridiculous. 

Just looking at youtube, Rife's had almost 10 million views in the last two months on his last special. And that's just the special - not even mentioning the clips on tiktok etc. I've only been aware of him recently, but fair play to him.

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1 hour ago, Chris B said:

Just looking at youtube, Rife's had almost 10 million views in the last two months on his last special. And that's just the special - not even mentioning the clips on tiktok etc. I've only been aware of him recently, but fair play to him.

Turns out it's not him that set the price, it's Ticketmaster. Tickets seem to be £36.50 face value plus fees. My friend in Canada paid exactly that price. The old Dynamic Pricing scam by those Ticketmaster bastards. 

I think most of those 10 million views are my mum and sister Chris. 

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1 hour ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

My mum and my sister are big fans of an American comedian called Matt Rife who as far as I know is reasonably well known but it's not like he is massive like Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle or someone like that. He's over here on tour next year and I wanted to get them tickets. Today was the presale and the cheapest were £133 each plus booking fee. They can watch him on YouTube because that is fucking ridiculous. 

I've never heard of him, but fuck me he's got the most punchable face I think I've ever seen.

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