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Jesus Fucking Christ


Frankie Crisp

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In 2018 I took delivery of my new car. It’s not something you see everyday, with only 120 made in the UK. Needless to say, it was the result of decades of hard work and it’s very much my pride and joy.

In January, it had to go in for the first part of a service and I was told there was also a software update. When I asked what it would change, I was told it would change one thing and one thing only, and as that was something I never used, I saw the benefit in at least ticking the box and keeping the car up-to-date with the manufacturer.

When I picked it up, the update had significantly and negatively changed how the car behaves, sounds and drives. I’m still waiting to hear from the manufacturer what they’ll do, but for now it seems somewhat irreversible. When I called the dealership having gotten home, they said that when they re-read the release notes, it was clear that the update was much larger than I had been told that morning.

Last week, the car went back for the second part of the service. I was told to pick it up at 15:00 and I got there 5 minutes beforehand. As I was about to pull in to the dealership, I saw my car leave the forecourt with 2 blokes in it, so I followed them as it looked very much like a jolly.

I followed them as best I could, but they absolutely didn’t hang about. When I got the car back, I took the footage from the Dashcam and clocked them doing 52mph on a 30mph road (right past a nursery at picking up time), 64mph in a 40mph zone and 98mph along a stretch of an A road.

I followed them back, and immediately had it out with the two blokes who shrunk like a pair of schoolboys having been sussed. Despite my immediate horror, the look on their faces when I informed them I’d just witnessed their entire joyride was truly beautiful.

On Friday I had a missed call from the bloke on the service desk who’s been dealing with my complaint, asking if I wouldn’t mind leaving them a good review when head office send out their customer service questionnaire. The shake in his voice was truly painful to listen to, it being very much apparent how ridiculous he knew it was to be asking.

First world problems and all that, but I guess a reminder how modern services seem to be so lacking in care and respect, whilst being absolutely bound by a constant need for positive customer feedback.

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5 hours ago, Scratch said:

In 2018 I took delivery of my new car. It’s not something you see everyday, with only 120 made in the UK. Needless to say, it was the result of decades of hard work and it’s very much my pride and joy.

In January, it had to go in for the first part of a service and I was told there was also a software update. When I asked what it would change, I was told it would change one thing and one thing only, and as that was something I never used, I saw the benefit in at least ticking the box and keeping the car up-to-date with the manufacturer.

When I picked it up, the update had significantly and negatively changed how the car behaves, sounds and drives. I’m still waiting to hear from the manufacturer what they’ll do, but for now it seems somewhat irreversible. When I called the dealership having gotten home, they said that when they re-read the release notes, it was clear that the update was much larger than I had been told that morning.

Last week, the car went back for the second part of the service. I was told to pick it up at 15:00 and I got there 5 minutes beforehand. As I was about to pull in to the dealership, I saw my car leave the forecourt with 2 blokes in it, so I followed them as it looked very much like a jolly.

I followed them as best I could, but they absolutely didn’t hang about. When I got the car back, I took the footage from the Dashcam and clocked them doing 52mph on a 30mph road (right past a nursery at picking up time), 64mph in a 40mph zone and 98mph along a stretch of an A road.

I followed them back, and immediately had it out with the two blokes who shrunk like a pair of schoolboys having been sussed. Despite my immediate horror, the look on their faces when I informed them I’d just witnessed their entire joyride was truly beautiful.

On Friday I had a missed call from the bloke on the service desk who’s been dealing with my complaint, asking if I wouldn’t mind leaving them a good review when head office send out their customer service questionnaire. The shake in his voice was truly painful to listen to, it being very much apparent how ridiculous he knew it was to be asking.

First world problems and all that, but I guess a reminder how modern services seem to be so lacking in care and respect, whilst being absolutely bound by a constant need for positive customer feedback.

Was this the dealer?  I take my car to an independent specialist for very similar reasons, because the local official dealership are massive charlatans. I had a coil pack replaced by them and they sent me a “quote” for other work that needed doing that amounted to 3k.  I declined but got my local friendly mechanic to look at the list when he subsequently did the MOT and he said it was all bollocks, unnecessary stuff.

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1 hour ago, Loki said:

Was this the dealer?  I take my car to an independent specialist for very similar reasons, because the local official dealership are massive charlatans. I had a coil pack replaced by them and they sent me a “quote” for other work that needed doing that amounted to 3k.  I declined but got my local friendly mechanic to look at the list when he subsequently did the MOT and he said it was all bollocks, unnecessary stuff.

Yeah, it was the dealer. I have used a local garage opposite my office many times but since I’ve been working from home I stupidly took the closer, more convenient option. Lesson learned though.

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15 minutes ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

Bring back down votes. Not for the tweet which is exactly as you'd expect but for bacon for giving her the oxygen of publicity. Fuck off to the Mail online if you are going to post this shit. 

Like I said, if I've seen you, you have to. I can't bear this burden alone. Sorry Lion.

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I just happened to mention in passing I was rewatching Enterprise to my neighbour. He said "Oh great, I used to love the ones with Kirk and Picard, before it went all woke!" I should also mention that this guy is also a Flat Earther, a Holocaust denier and believes the Soviet Union (not Russia, *The Soviet Union*) is behind [insert conspiracy here].

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Metal Hammer magazine posted an article on their Facebook earlier about a bloke who is a recovering alcoholic and has set up a record shop that also has a fully stocked non-alcoholic bar and coffee shop to give non-drinkers an alternative place to hang out. Pretty inspiring stuff you'd think but no, some twat comments saying that "wokeness has no place in metal" and he won't be visiting. Being teetotal is woke apparently.

It's metalheads on social media, I know, I know, you should expect complete binwater opinions but this one just baffled me.

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1 hour ago, cobra_gordo said:

Metal Hammer magazine posted an article on their Facebook earlier about a bloke who is a recovering alcoholic and has set up a record shop that also has a fully stocked non-alcoholic bar and coffee shop to give non-drinkers an alternative place to hang out. Pretty inspiring stuff you'd think but no, some twat comments saying that "wokeness has no place in metal" and he won't be visiting. Being teetotal is woke apparently.

It's metalheads on social media, I know, I know, you should expect complete binwater opinions but this one just baffled me.

Funniest thing about that is the only reason I've seen anything about this place is because I'm seeing friends criticise them for stocking Burzum and other far-right bands' albums!

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