The Smackers Thread

[Snitsky's back acne]

As has been said, it's more Punk laying there motionless for ten minutes that made me roll my eyes. Sell. Hold your ribs. Try and crawl out of the debris towards Cena. He can kick you or whatever. Just laying there is bullshit but nobody cares these days so, whatever....

[JNLister]

.

Edited June 21, 2025 by JNLister

[JNLister]

2 hours ago, Supremo said:

Really funny that this is the same guy who asked Jack Perry why he insisted on doing this dumb internet shit on TV.

He’s so many layers deep into this Meta Wank Inception that I can no longer keep track of what’s going on, who this is for or what it’s even attempting to achieve. It’s enough to give you a migraine. Like bad A.I.

“Write me an attempt at inverting the infamous Pipe Bomb Promo, with Cena as the heel and Punk as the babyface, but make sure Punk is made to look like a complete dickhead, both his shoot and kayfabe characters assassinated throughout, with Cena simultaneously mocking his hypocrisy, and playing up to the increasing cheers of the crowd.”

Apologies to the lake I wasted, but I couldn't resist testing this it out. I mean, it's definitely not worse.

[quote]

[Scene: Monday Night Raw, live from Chicago, Illinois. The crowd is red-hot, crackling with anticipation. A familiar riff tears through the arena—Cult of Personality. CM Punk struts down the ramp with that trademark smug smirk, basking in the ovation of his hometown, mic already in hand. But tonight, he’s not alone. As he hits the ring, the trumpets of The Time is Now hit, and the reaction flips like a light switch. John Cena walks onto the stage—but this time, he’s not smiling. He’s got a mic too, and his eyes are ice. He starts talking before he even reaches the ring.]

---

John Cena (Heel, striding down the ramp):
Oh, look at this. Chicago’s Favorite Son. The Voice of the Voiceless. The martyr of the Straight Edge, pipe-bomb-throwing, tattle-tale movement. CM Punk—the guy who thinks having a Twitter account and a persecution complex makes him a revolutionary.

[Crowd jeers Cena hard—but some pop at the jab.]

You wanna sit in the middle of my ring in your little cross-legged tantrum pose again, Punk? Gonna drop another pseudo-intellectual diatribe about how you should be the top guy? About how you were “held back”? Oh wait… that’s right. You got everything you wanted. WWE Title? Check. Longest reign in the modern era? Check. Your little Heyman mouthpiece? Check. You headlined shows, you sold merch, hell—you were on cereal boxes.

[Cena climbs into the ring, stands right in front of Punk, nose to nose.]

And then what happened? You left. You packed your bags, ran off to play karate in your pajamas and fight baristas in the UFC. You didn’t just leave the company—you walked out on the fans. On this city. On every single person who chanted your name and bought into your martyrdom complex.

CM Punk (cutting in, mic raised):
Oh, don’t twist it, John. I walked out because I was tired of being part of a broken system that favors guys like you. Guys who are all muscles, jorts, and catchphrases—guys who say nothing but stay on top.

John Cena (grinning like a wolf):
You walked out because you couldn’t stand not being the center of attention. Because for all your talk about “change,” the only change you ever cared about was the change in your paycheck. You didn’t want better for the boys in the back. You didn’t want a new system. You just wanted a better seat at the table—for you.

[Some of the crowd starts turning. Cena’s hitting deep. Punk looks rattled.]

You stood in this ring and called yourself the best. But let’s talk best, shall we?

I’ve been here every single night. Through cheers, through boos, through busted noses and torn triceps, I showed up. I shook hands with sick kids. I ran Make-A-Wish like it was a damn second job. I let crowds hijack my matches with your name and still smiled through it.

You? You cracked under pressure. Couldn’t handle being second fiddle for a second. Couldn’t stomach the idea that maybe—just maybe—the WWE Universe got sick of hearing you bitch and moan. Maybe they realized that the “voice of the voiceless” sounded a hell of a lot like just another bitter egomaniac with a microphone and a Messiah complex.

CM Punk (fuming):
You don’t get to paint me as a villain, Cena. I was change. I kicked the doors open for guys who didn’t look like you. Daniel Bryan. Sami Zayn. Kevin Owens. Without me, they’d still be jerking curtains.

John Cena:
Without you? They thrived when you left. When the shadow of your ego finally cleared the damn room, real talent got a chance. Not because of you—in spite of you.

And let’s get one thing straight: you didn’t “kick doors open.” You knocked, you got let in, and when it stopped going your way, you torched the house like a spoiled child.

[Crowd starting to cheer Cena. A dueling chant breaks out: “LET’S GO CENA!” “CM PUNK!”—but the Punk side’s not as loud as it once was.]

You wanna talk about hypocrites? Let’s play.

You mocked me for being a corporate puppet—but you went on Talking Dead, whining like a teenaged goth who didn't get a prom date. You sneered at the Miz for reality TV—but you showed up on Wrestling with Shadows acting like you invented suffering. You spat venom about part-timers—then ran off to try being one in MMA and failed spectacularly.

You weren’t a rebel, Punk. You were a footnote who thought he was a chapter. A man who thought pipe bombs were power—but all they were was noise. White-hot, attention-grabbing noise.

CM Punk (bitter, pushing forward):
You think you’re better than me, John?

John Cena (calm, low):
I am better than you. In the ring. In the locker room. In every charity event, media appearance, hospital visit—hell, I’m better just by staying.

You got cheered tonight—but it’s empty. These people cheer because you were the guy who said what they wanted to hear. But eventually, even they saw the truth. That you weren’t a savior. You were a man who screamed the system was broken—until it bent to you. And when it stopped bending, you ran.

[The crowd murmurs. Cheers for Punk grow uncertain. Cena’s voice rises, fire behind the calm.]

I never called myself the voice of the voiceless. I let my actions speak. You called yourself the best in the world—then ran the moment the world didn’t agree.

So if you wanna sit there again, Punk, legs crossed like a child in detention, and cry about how unfair it all is—do it. But just know… this isn’t 2011 anymore.

This time, the pipe bomb’s ticking in your hand.

[Cena flips the mic up into Punk’s chest. The crowd erupts—a mixture of gasps, cheers, and raw adrenaline. Punk catches it, but says nothing. He’s furious. Red in the face. Chest heaving. The icon of defiance, deflated in the place that once adored him. Cena stands tall. Not saluting. Not smiling. Just staring down the man who once tried to burn it all down—and failed.][/quote]

[Supremo]

Theorising what this does to Phil Brooks the human being feels like a lost cause at this point. He cashed in any credibility when he re-signed with them. It’s much easier to just accept he’s as big a grifter as the rest of them. He either doesn’t care, or is willing to eat shit for this one final run and that tasty, tasty blood money.

What this does to the character is the big one. You assume he’s headlining next year against Cody, but right now he feels like Austin Theory after Cena chewed him up and spat him out. Destined to argue with Grayson Waller for years on end.

Maybe I’m in the minority. I’m seeing a little of people praise Cena’s promo and pick up all the clever nods to the original Pipe Bomb. I wish people would have a bit of perspective though. (Maybe too much fucking perspective). The only reason the Pipe Bomb promo ever worked was because everything was absolute shit, and they let someone vocalise that on-air. That’s the last thing I’d want to go back to. The last thing I’d take inspiration from. It’s genuinely crazy how quickly we’re back in this meta hell, where you need a PWInsider PhD to track or understand what the fuck is going on.

There’s a reason Sami Zayn’s World Title Quest is the one true North Star this company still has. This is the type of promo people should be trying to copy. This is the time period they should be taking inspiration from. Proper fiction. With simple, interesting characters.

Do this segment in June 2025 and Sami would be calling him, “Joe,” and referring back to years earlier when he was pushed despite the fans rejecting him. “You call yourself the Tribal Chief, but I call you the Number One Politicker!”

[d-d-d-dAz]

7 minutes ago, JNLister said:

Apologies to the lake I wasted, but I couldn't resist testing this it out. I mean, it's definitely not worse.

[quote]

[Scene: Monday Night Raw, live from Chicago, Illinois. The crowd is red-hot, crackling with anticipation. A familiar riff tears through the arena—Cult of Personality. CM Punk struts down the ramp with that trademark smug smirk, basking in the ovation of his hometown, mic already in hand. But tonight, he’s not alone. As he hits the ring, the trumpets of The Time is Now hit, and the reaction flips like a light switch. John Cena walks onto the stage—but this time, he’s not smiling. He’s got a mic too, and his eyes are ice. He starts talking before he even reaches the ring.]

---

John Cena (Heel, striding down the ramp):
Oh, look at this. Chicago’s Favorite Son. The Voice of the Voiceless. The martyr of the Straight Edge, pipe-bomb-throwing, tattle-tale movement. CM Punk—the guy who thinks having a Twitter account and a persecution complex makes him a revolutionary.

[Crowd jeers Cena hard—but some pop at the jab.]

You wanna sit in the middle of my ring in your little cross-legged tantrum pose again, Punk? Gonna drop another pseudo-intellectual diatribe about how you should be the top guy? About how you were “held back”? Oh wait… that’s right. You got everything you wanted. WWE Title? Check. Longest reign in the modern era? Check. Your little Heyman mouthpiece? Check. You headlined shows, you sold merch, hell—you were on cereal boxes.

[Cena climbs into the ring, stands right in front of Punk, nose to nose.]

And then what happened? You left. You packed your bags, ran off to play karate in your pajamas and fight baristas in the UFC. You didn’t just leave the company—you walked out on the fans. On this city. On every single person who chanted your name and bought into your martyrdom complex.

CM Punk (cutting in, mic raised):
Oh, don’t twist it, John. I walked out because I was tired of being part of a broken system that favors guys like you. Guys who are all muscles, jorts, and catchphrases—guys who say nothing but stay on top.

John Cena (grinning like a wolf):
You walked out because you couldn’t stand not being the center of attention. Because for all your talk about “change,” the only change you ever cared about was the change in your paycheck. You didn’t want better for the boys in the back. You didn’t want a new system. You just wanted a better seat at the table—for you.

[Some of the crowd starts turning. Cena’s hitting deep. Punk looks rattled.]

You stood in this ring and called yourself the best. But let’s talk best, shall we?

I’ve been here every single night. Through cheers, through boos, through busted noses and torn triceps, I showed up. I shook hands with sick kids. I ran Make-A-Wish like it was a damn second job. I let crowds hijack my matches with your name and still smiled through it.

You? You cracked under pressure. Couldn’t handle being second fiddle for a second. Couldn’t stomach the idea that maybe—just maybe—the WWE Universe got sick of hearing you bitch and moan. Maybe they realized that the “voice of the voiceless” sounded a hell of a lot like just another bitter egomaniac with a microphone and a Messiah complex.

CM Punk (fuming):
You don’t get to paint me as a villain, Cena. I was change. I kicked the doors open for guys who didn’t look like you. Daniel Bryan. Sami Zayn. Kevin Owens. Without me, they’d still be jerking curtains.

John Cena:
Without you? They thrived when you left. When the shadow of your ego finally cleared the damn room, real talent got a chance. Not because of you—in spite of you.

And let’s get one thing straight: you didn’t “kick doors open.” You knocked, you got let in, and when it stopped going your way, you torched the house like a spoiled child.

[Crowd starting to cheer Cena. A dueling chant breaks out: “LET’S GO CENA!” “CM PUNK!”—but the Punk side’s not as loud as it once was.]

You wanna talk about hypocrites? Let’s play.

You mocked me for being a corporate puppet—but you went on Talking Dead, whining like a teenaged goth who didn't get a prom date. You sneered at the Miz for reality TV—but you showed up on Wrestling with Shadows acting like you invented suffering. You spat venom about part-timers—then ran off to try being one in MMA and failed spectacularly.

You weren’t a rebel, Punk. You were a footnote who thought he was a chapter. A man who thought pipe bombs were power—but all they were was noise. White-hot, attention-grabbing noise.

CM Punk (bitter, pushing forward):
You think you’re better than me, John?

John Cena (calm, low):
I am better than you. In the ring. In the locker room. In every charity event, media appearance, hospital visit—hell, I’m better just by staying.

You got cheered tonight—but it’s empty. These people cheer because you were the guy who said what they wanted to hear. But eventually, even they saw the truth. That you weren’t a savior. You were a man who screamed the system was broken—until it bent to you. And when it stopped bending, you ran.

[The crowd murmurs. Cheers for Punk grow uncertain. Cena’s voice rises, fire behind the calm.]

I never called myself the voice of the voiceless. I let my actions speak. You called yourself the best in the world—then ran the moment the world didn’t agree.

So if you wanna sit there again, Punk, legs crossed like a child in detention, and cry about how unfair it all is—do it. But just know… this isn’t 2011 anymore.

This time, the pipe bomb’s ticking in your hand.

[Cena flips the mic up into Punk’s chest. The crowd erupts—a mixture of gasps, cheers, and raw adrenaline. Punk catches it, but says nothing. He’s furious. Red in the face. Chest heaving. The icon of defiance, deflated in the place that once adored him. Cena stands tall. Not saluting. Not smiling. Just staring down the man who once tried to burn it all down—and failed.][/quote]

Genuinely don't know whether it says more about how far AI has come or how far WWE has fallen, but this is miles better. Good grief.

[Supremo]

There is some art that A.I. cannot replicate. The true beauty of a creative genius. Bron Breakker has become an actual dog that barks at people.

 

[DavidB6937]

Bron being a dog is infinitely better than when Braun was a train.

I thought the show would've actually been a pretty decent 2 hour show to be honest. Crowd were really great for most of the night.

LA Knight is still insanely over despite the fact he's lost all his big opportunities. Interesting to see the crowd still backing him.

Sad for him that he's got no mates though so just got his arse handed to him.

I've enjoyed the fact they've made the KOTR feel important. They've got some big players in there. And Sami HAS to win the title at some point right? They keep mentioning it. And I will cry like a fucking baby.

Rest of the show was alright too I think. The Cena stuff was more entertaining than anything involving Travis Scott so.. I realise I'm setting the bar low there but I'll take it.

[jm29195]

It's funny that both of these pipebomb promos, in 2011 and 2025, took place after a Cena vs R Truth match. Pretty sure Truth won both too.

[The King of Old School]

18 minutes ago, DavidB6937 said:

And Sami HAS to win the title at some point right? They keep mentioning it. And I will cry like a fucking baby.

It will probably happen when nobody gives a shit unfortunately.

[Chico Torres]

In this Neo-Russo era we are living through, I thought Blake Monroe’s terrible diva cosplay would easily be the worst thing on tv this week but then they pull out the Vinnie Ru crown jewel, the SHOOT PROMO. 

[RedTwoster]

22 minutes ago, DavidB6937 said:

I've enjoyed the fact they've made the KOTR feel important. They've got some big players in there. And Sami HAS to win the title at some point right? They keep mentioning it. And I will cry like a fucking baby.

It’s definitely going to happen, but I’d really like to see him win the WWE title, rather than the World heavyweight title, which wouldn’t feel quite as magical a moment. If they do Cena/Cody at Summerslam (it’s either going to be that, or Cena/Jey, I imagine) Sami being the one to stop Cena from ‘ruining wrestling’ might make this whole thing worthwhile. If it’s not Cody or Zayn, I’ve no idea who it would be.

[Merzbow]

I just don't know who the hell that was meant to make look good, the company's biggest heel making the best babyface promo he's made in years does nothing positive in the build up to the title match. I'm half expecting people to get stuck in Saudi again after that.

[Chili]

If, IF this is Triple H being so tragically fragile and pathetic about CM Punk that he wants to make someone who is or was incredibly over look like a bitch because he's just here to stockpile his paychecks, I almost admire how pathetically petty that is.

And then if TKO eventually sack him off  because he's actually quite indispensable, it will be absurdly funny. 

And Bret will be the winner. Great days.

Edited June 21, 2025 by Chili

[Supremo]

Seeing people unironically praising Cena’s promo because they used code names for the wrestlers they were too scared to actually mention.

Nic Nemeth: Nick Jackson
Matt Cardona: Matt Jackson
Claudio Castagnoli: CC (Colt Cabana)

Fucking hell. What happened to the game that I love?

Remember when promos were about getting you invested in characters and storylines, in order to sell a match? Now a promo’s success is determined by how good it is at reminding you of things, giving you references to recognise and providing codes to crack.

The Marvelisation of pro-wrestling. Circle jerk fart sniffing. Absolute dog shit.

Edited June 21, 2025 by Supremo

[Cousin Jim Bob]

23 minutes ago, Supremo said:

Seeing people unironically praising Cena’s promo because they used code names for the wrestlers they were too scared to actually mention.

Nic Nemeth: Nick Jackson
Matt Cardona: Matt Jackson
Claudio Castagnoli: CC (Colt Cabana)

Fucking hell. What happened to the game that I love?

Remember when promos were about getting you invested in characters and storylines, in order to sell a match? Now a promo’s success is determined by how good it is at reminding you of things, giving you references to recognise and providing codes to crack.

The Marvelisation of pro-wrestling. Circle jerk fart sniffing. Absolute dog shit.

 

Is that what they were doing ? Fucking hell. I just presumed Punk had found a way to piss of all 3 at various times.

I found it completely ridiculous and counter intuitive but also entertaining in a bonkers way. Even if just to see how Punk even attempts to recover from this. 

They missed a trick by not having a sponsor for the Pipe Bomb. An onscreen graphic saying "This Pipe Bomb was sponsored by Dude Wipes" over the whole thing would have added to the madness and probably sent Punk over the edge.

Edited June 21, 2025 by Cousin Jim Bob