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The 2017 Royal Rumble surprise entrant pool


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The Royal Rumble's round the corner - January 29th - so it's time to predict the future and tell us who you want surprising you surprisingly with a surprise Rumble appearance.


Last year gave us the debut of AJ Styles and the return from injury/NXT call up of Sami Zayn. Cuthbert Lilly, Saba Simba and Bob Carolgees sadly did not appear.


What do you have to do?


Just pick up to or around 3 people you want to turn up unexpectedly in the Rumble!


You can post a picture to add to your post if you want, but you don't have to.


It's also nice if you can run down how you think they'll do in the match, what will happen to them, and why you want them to appear. You don't have to, but it's more fun to read than a plain list of names.


The rules:


- You can have anyone, wrestler or non-wrestler, any gender, dead or alive, real or fictional. Only pick someone dead or fictional if you're really confident they'll show up.


- You can't have anyone currently active on the main WWE rosters unless you change their gimmick, like last year's Star Wars inspired Kylo Reigns, or they're currently on long-term injury.


- Only the specific gimmick you state will count. So if you said Earthquake, but Golga shows up, it won't count.


- NXT people are fine unless they announce their entry beforehand, but, GLORIOUS as they may be, it's a bit boring to pick NXT people.


- Part-timer picks are at my discretion. For example, Triple H didn't count last year.


- DON'T BE BORING. This is the most important rule. The point is to come up with something fun rather than trying to be right. You don't actually win anything for a correct prediction except the gift/curse of knowing events before they happen.


- You can't have the Big Boss Man. It's pretty clear that as a Hall Of Famer, this is his year.



Deadline's the weekend of the Rumble - four weeks from time of this post. Any posts after the 27th won't count!


So let's go for it! Who do you want to show up on the 29th?




Picks so far:


Alex Wright Mark - Alex Wright / 'UK Shinobi' Dean Gaffney & Wellard / Rohit

Astro Hollywood - Maureen Lipman / Jules Tavernier from Eastenders / Brian Sewell

chardcore - Perry Saturn / Raven / Hardcore Holly

CleetusVanDamme - Ernest 'the Cat' Miller

cobra_gordo - CGI Peter Cushing / Mr Blobby / Pat Sharp

ColinBollocks - The Three Faces Of Carty

Daaaaaad! - Scooby Doo / George and Elroy Jetson /

D@mm - Hulk Hogan / Ahmed Johnson / Byron Saxton

Devon Malcolm - Razor Ramon / Zombie Owen Hart

eugenespeed - Kurt Angle / Dixie Carter / The Shockmaster

extasy of farts - Kriss Akabusi

Fanny Pack - Zeus / Z-Gangsta / D-Bo from Friday

Fox Piss - Conor McGregor / Stone Cold Steve Austin

Frankie Crisp - Ronald Koeman / Purple Aki

Gordon_The_Gopher - nWo Sting / Ax / Smash

Grecian - Mickey Gall / Mary Berry / Donald Trump

Gus Mears - Jeremy Beadle / Dale Winton / Fred Dibnah on a pissing steam train

hallicks - Pat Tanaka / Bret Hart / Bungle

HarmonicGenerator - Essa Rios & Lita / The Barbarian / The Spanish Inquisition

icwkev - Robbie Fowler / Barack Obama / Big Daddy

jazzygeofferz - Rob Van Dam / Gillberg

John Tenta Blues Explosion - Post-stroke Bette Davis / KC Colossus / your e-fed character from when you were 13

Jon-Carr_92 - Momma Benjamin / Vader / Gio Compario

jonnybgoode82 - X-Factor Albert / Funaki / Buckethead

Keith Houchen - Darcus Howe / Derek Griffiths / Athelstone from Never Mind The Buzzcocks

kickin it wit the kliq - Pete Lothario / Norris Cole / Janet Street Porter

libertine - Peter Beardsley

Linus - Chris Hero / MVP / Maven

Lion_of_the_Midlands - Sir Andy Murray

Lorne Malvo - Scott Steiner / Val Venis / Rey Mysterio

Merzbow - Insane Clown Posse / Disco Inferno / Lance Storm

mikehoncho - Ryback / Alex Shane in a pig mask / Damien Sandow / Tatanka

MoistVaj - Jake Roberts / Barry Windham / Benjamin Zephaniah

Mr.Showtime - Charlie Haas / Shelton Benjamin / Eric Angle

neil is brill - Big Bubba Rogers

Nick Soapdish - Conquistador 41 / Bull Buchanan / Neil Buchanan

Onyx2 - Jamie Oliver / Chris Martin / Season 6 of LOST

Otto Dem Wanz - CHEESE ON

patiirc - Vanguard 1 / T-Bone / Cosmo and Dibbs

PowerButchi - Jim Robinson / Rhodes Boyson / Michael Barry

PunkStep - Earth, Wind & Fire

Really Big Shoe - Adebisi / Tobias Beecher / Walter White / Diesel from Thomas the Tank Engine / CM Punk

Rosler28 - Matt Hardy / Lucas Radebe

Sergio Mendacious - Dr Cube / Coco Savage / Pob

Sheffbag - Terry Funk / King Maxell / Mil Mascaras

SiWri - Akeem / Teddy Sheringham / a Brussels Sprout

sj5522 - Samoa Joe / Jack Evans / Necro Butcher / Kenta Kobashi

Stinky Dad - Pete Gas / Tony Yeboah / Tazz

SuperBacon - the pirate with a sword from Never Mind The Buzzcocks / Hugo Lloris / King Louis Theroux

The Hitman - D'Lo Brown / Faarooq / The Rock

theironshake - Ray Stantz / Nailz / Brother Love

tiger_rick - Mike Goldberg / The Warlord

Tommy! - Michael 'PS' Hayes / Gangrel / Grado

Trout Stain - Derek Acorah / Sam the spirit guide / Michael Portillo

UK Kat Von D - Daniel Bryan / Ronda Rousey / Steve Blackman

Undefeated Steak - Santino Marella / Batista / Edge

WyattSheepMask - X-Pac / Shawn Michaels / Sid





These are my choices.


1) We're at around the number 10 mark. Kalisto is in the ring, so are Sin Cara and Gran Metalik. It's the Lucha Libre section of the Rumble! Just like in 1997, we need one big lucha name from times gone by to complete the quartet. The countdown starts... the music hits...




It's ESSA RIOS! He's back! He takes out Metalik with his bouncy bouncy springy jumpy arm drag, but the Lucha Dragons reunite to beat him down. But that's not the only reunion happening tonight... LITA pelts down from the Kickoff Panel to save her former partner, Litacanranas the Dragons out of the way, and 2000's most dynamic duo is back together! Then she eliminates him in an act of villainous treachery.




2) Forward to the 20ish mark. People are sitting on their hands a little, waiting for Goldberg or Lesnar to come out. They don't get them. Instead they get...




THE BARBARIAN. He saw Tatanka fucking about in the battle royal at WrestleMania last year and thinks, that could be me. What better way to prove himself than a showing in the Rumble? He singlehandedly smashes Slater and Rhyno before Roman Reigns eliminates Barbar to cement his heel turn.



3) We've had 29 entrants. Only one to go. The final spot is taken by...




Nobody would expect it.






Your turn! Let's make this the best Rumble since the last good one!

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Imagine the scene. New Day are in together trying to get Mark Henry over the top rope. The seconds tick down and YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE REAL DEAL NOW majestically flows from the speakers. D'Lo Brown heroically battles back against the New Day but the heat is still on until the buzzer sounds again and the strains of WE ARE THE NATION hit and down comes Farooq. The reunited Nation of Domination clean house and await the next participant as a unit.


Buzzer goes and the crowd goes BANANA to the sound of IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEELL...Rock walks down wearing that quizzical look he does so well. They drag it out for ages then Rock hits the NOD raised fist and they all join him. Rock then lobs them all over the top rope and gets chucked out by someone like Brock later on.

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Chris Hero


Yeah, he's a bit more, erm, wobbly since his last run but he's in the form of his - or anybody else's - life.








Surely it's time for another run? He's in great form on the few indy dates he does and is one of the more recent old guard with a character that doesn't suck.






And then 3.. 2... 1.....




My yearly pick. Still hasn't been eliminated from that one Rumble that time.



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James Ellsworth has managed to stay in by sheer luck until it's just him and Strowman, how is this little oddity going to manage to escape the grip of this hoss? The countdown end and the chinless one is on his knees praying for help.. "EVERYBODY COME SEE THE GREATEST SHOW!" Shaggy 2 Dope runs to the ring while Violent J waddles behind as Braun inexplicably starts dancing and The Oddities 2000 are formed. Asuka later joins the stable and the internet explodes.


My 2nd pick includes even more dancing! Your boy D.I, the Disco Inferno with the sweetest haircut of his career.


And last, the human charisma vacuum from Calgary, Alberta, Canada.. Lance T Storm.

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No particular reason for it, just that he's a name from the past who will pop the crowd and one of HHH's boys that can still go to a certain degree unlike 'Dust Knees' Kevin Nash. Can probably get a good ten minutes out of him no bother.


As its a massive show in Texas, you've got to think they'll be trying to get someone with a Texas connection. Steve Austin a no no due to his neck problems, so going out on a whim with Shawn Michaels

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This time of year again. 


Kurt Angle. Wins the Royal Rumble with a broken freakin' neck


Dixie Carter. In an attempt to recreate when Paul Heyman and / or Eric Bischoff turned up on WWE TV. (Spoiler, it doesn't work!) 


The Shockmaster. Trips up entering the ring. 

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We are approaching number eleven, and in the ring, Dean Ambrose and The Miz are punching fuck out of each other, Bo Dallas and some other Raw chumpstain like Darren Young are teaming up on Fandango, and Sheamus is having a nice little rest in the corner. Then countdown is on. And once the buzzer hits, familiar techno music hits...





The crowd go batshit insane seeing their German hero on American Wrestling soil once again. There's even a "Hall of Fame" chant directed toward him.


He climbs in the ring as the competitors stop and glaze in awe of the man who is 200 plus pounds of Angolo Deutsch muscle. He then walks to the middle of the ring and does his signature Wunderkind dance, which causes everyone to join in with him. Once the dance finishes, everyone bar Wright goes over the top rope and is eliminated because the dance has much power as Michael Jackson's had in the Mega Drive game, Moonwalker.


Moments later, and as Rusev is beating down Wright and Kofi Kingston, the buzzer sounds, and on the titantron, we see a Belgian Tevuvern dog barking on the titantron. Then the theme to the Sega Arcade classic Shadow Dancer hits...





They do a cool spot where Dean commands Wellard to bite the testis of Rusev. Lana is furious that Rusev can no longer pleasure her. "Calm it! You're with me now love. NOW SCREAM YOUR BRA SIZE AT ME!" Gaffney says oh so calmly.


Rusev is sent to the hospital as Wellard is growling at Kingston and Wright in the corner. As Gaffney is getting off with Lana, Wright shows why he is the Dog master by convincing Wellard to be allowed to be petted by Kingston, as Wright cleverly ejects Gaffers from the Rumble. Wright then grabs Wellard, and dropkicks the poor dog ala Johnny Utah in Point Break.


Then we're approaching Number 30. Goldberg and Lesnar are the only two that remain. The crowd are booing the fact two part timers could be headlining Wrestlemania. "BOOOOOO" they all cry. Then the buzzer hits...





He squares up to Brock, and laughs right in that cunt's face. Brock attempts to hit a German Suplex, but Rohit lands on his feet, and shoves Lesnar over the top rope. "I'm not fucking with that guy!" Lesnar tells Heyman.


And it's down to Rohit and Goldberg. The circle like two modern day Gladiators. But that coward Goldberg rakes Rohit's eyes, and starts hammering his testies like Keith Hackney did to rapey Joe Son at UFC 4. But then just as all hope was lost, The Indian Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring, and with his strength, pushes Goldberg, who stumbles over the top rope, causing Rohit to win the match!

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Scott Steiner - Similar to the DDP/Bubba entries a few years back. Comes down, hits his signature spots on a few no-marks then gets tossed by Rusev. Would be amazing to hear 'HOLLA IF YA HEAR ME' again too.


Erick Rowan - Comes out while the Wyatts are dominating, they laugh at how useless he is and batter fuck out of him before dumping him out. Crowd doesn't give a fuck either way.


Val Venis - Comes down a little while after Steiner is eliminated. Takes out most people in the ring, gets distracted by Lana. Starts gyrating towards her then Rusev lashes him out from behind.

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OK, let's have a little speculate. First up Tajiri. He can still do a job if need be. MAkes up the numbers nicely and could get a few mentions for 205 live since he was involved in the Cruiserweight Classic over the summer.


RVD, as sometimes he'll get roped in for a little run on the way to 'Mania.. Solid enough hand for the Rumble.


Duane Gill, as Gillberg comes out after Lesnar and promptly gets destroyed, only for the real Goldberg to come out one entry later.

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Michael PS Hayes, jiving to the ring and dishing out left jabs to everyone before Mizark's music hits and Darren Young makes a quick elimination while his back is turned. The post match promos don't make the dvd edit.


Gangrel, filling 10 minutes bobbing about in the isle and spitting Ribena and eating Cheese and Onion crisps.


Grado. Blokes a household name for fucks sake.

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So as anticipated by many, Samoa Joe has just entered the Rumble, and it's now time for him to be put over to less-acquainted..


first to follow him out is Jack Evans in a durag coming out to some rap music, he flip flops and handsprings all over the shop for a minute before getting on the top rope for a double shooting star press but Joe jumps to the top turnbuckle and catches him with a sickening lariat. Evans takes a double moonsault bump to the floor and his head falls off


next up, fucking hell, that's Necro Butcher! While the crowd mostly just see some raggedy assed middle aged dude, Joe's eyes light up as he's reminded of the wars he's gone through with Necro. he bursts through the middle rope to hit the oncoming Necro with a suicide dive. They start throwing massive haymakers and begin to brawl into the crowd. Necro's chucking and every chair he can see at Joe's face and then runs at him before being hit with a disgusting powerslam on the chairs & concrete. Joe then gets Necro up on his shoulders..oh my god Joe don't do this.. MUSCLEBUSTER ON THE CHAIRS IN THE CROWD! that's gotta be game over for Necro


Joe dusts himself down and gets back into the ring. Bo Dallas, seeing what just transpired, politely eliminates himself Drew Carey-style. Just #30 to come out now...and oh fuck, it's Kenta Kobashi! they immediately go to war with stiff chops, and then comes a battle of suplexes. Joe looks in trouble as Kobashi is laying these hard chops in one after another but the adrenaline in Joe raises.. he gets in Kobashi's face.. "NOT THIS TIME, OLD MAN" he hits Kobashi with 5 nasty open palm chops then gets behind him, chokes him out and chucks him over the top rope



the winner of the 2017 Royal Rumble..with a blistered chest and detached retina.. SAMOAAA JOEEE. Joe gets on the apron facing the hard-cam and roars






but wait!! Necro Butcher was never officially eliminated!! he gets on the apron and lifts Joe up for a ridiculous tiger suplex from the apron to the floor! 



the real winner of the 2017 Royal Rumble....






and he'll go on to main event Wrestlemania against Joe in a fans-bring-the-weapons match, special referee; Ian Rotten

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The lights dim, the crowd goes quiet as a single spotlight picks out a bagpiper. The horrific caterwauling that is Flower Of Scotland fills the arena. Out steps Sir Andy Murray! He walks to the ring clad in a sequined saltire singlet, tennis racquet in hand. As he gets in the ring he starts swinging the racquet smashing all before him. Ziggler, down and out, Sin Cara banjaxed in the plums and writhing in pain, and finally Rusev, with the racquet smashed over his head so it like a horse collar on him.


As he stands in the middle of the ring laughing at the destruction he has caused, Neville hits the ring and throws him over the top rope. Sir Andy slopes off to the back, once again defeated by an English foe, like all Scotch people everywhere.

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