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The 2017 Royal Rumble surprise entrant pool


HarmonicGenerator

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Read the rules, extasy, Boss Man doesn't count!

 

 

Devon - very sorry but Lorne Malvo has already claimed Big Poppa Pump. However, I'm not going to let Lorne have Erick Rowan because I'm a tyrant and barely realised he'd been off TV since October, so maybe the two of you can work out a deal.

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You are a bloody tyrant!

 

In that case I'll replace Erick Rowan with Rey Mysterio. He'll be number 30 again, and get the fuck booed out of him for not being Daniel Bryan. Would work better if somebody like Joe/Balor doesn't enter the Rumble too.

 

Nobody is touching my Big Poppa Pump!

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The 2017 Royal Rumble is in its final throes and has already clocked in at over an hour of intense wrestling action.

 

Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and surprise package Braun Strowman are in in the ring after 29 entrants have appeared, the Alamodome is at a fever pitch as we're counting down to see who is about to compete for a Wrestlemania title match.

 

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

 

**buzz**

 

It's Cannibal Man's uncle!

 

A middle aged Scouse male comes from behind the curtain and appears to be cupping two pairs of imaginary bollocks whilst jogging on the spot. The bemused looks of the wrestlers in the ring are priceless, and the action grinds to a halt. The man appears to be shouting about something called 'cheese on', and is rubbing quiche into the faces of several audience members.

 

The rest of the crowd, except perhaps a few members of the UKFF message board, are stunned into a confused silence and we abruptly fade to black.

 

The Rumble match is subsequently declared null and void after Arriva North West threaten litigation against Vince McMahon for lost earnings. The lawsuit was dropped when it was agreed he would've stolen them anyway.

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My hope of Bugs Bunny in a dress playing a girl bunny (Did anyone find that attractive?) didn't come to fruition last year. But I do have some picks.

 

About a third of the way in. The ring is getting busy. 3! 2! 1!

 

AIN'T NO STOPPIN' ME! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

Crowd goes wild for this return. Been longer awaited than people would've wanted. But they now have as they welcome someone who was always a one to watch...

 

Momma Benjamin!

 

There is the off chance Triple H might enter to screw Seth Rollins over (remember when he did it the first time?) Has a chair with him. Momma however is armed. Brandishes her knitting needles. Prompting Hunter to eliminate himself like Jake Roberts used Andre's fear of snakes against him.

 

Also I'm thinking IT'S TIME there will be a big entry after the 205 Live regulars are in the ring. IT'S TIME to brace yourself for this. IT'S VADER TIME!

 

Yep. The masked legend is back. However, given the way he sounded off against a certain match from the BOSJ. They simply reply by getting the gymnastics equipment out. TJ Perkins takes the rings and does a few somersaults. Rich Swann is doing the floor routine and Neville becomes good guy by getting out Sin Cara's trampoline and does his routine. This dazes him which allows everyone to throw him out together.

 

And lastly. But no means least. Dulcet tones ring out as Gio Compario comes out towards the end. The crowd sing along just like they do with Bobby Roode and The Sandman. But next out is R Truth who he challenges to a rap battle. Gio completely owns him. But they've been distracted long enough for both to be eliminated by Brock Lesnar and Goldberg who briefly team up to improve their chances. The next day, WWE.Com confirm they are working on an album and will collaborate at WrestleMania.

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Twas down the glen one Easter morn
To a city fair rode I.
When armed line of marching men
In squadrons passed me by.
No pipes did hum, no battle drum
Did sound its loud tattoo
But the Angelus bell o'er the Liffey's swell
Rang out in the foggy dew.


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Uh, uh, uh, c'mon

Hah, sicka than your average
Poppa twist cabbage off instinct
niggas don't think shit stink, pink gators,
my Detroit players
Timbs for my hooligans in Brooklyn

Since there in Texas....


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The lights dim, a stream of smoke seeps from beneath the Titantron and out of nowhere, Voodoo Child starts to play. IS IT HIM? IS IT... hang on. Hendrix is cut short and we hear Z Cars. Fucking Z Cars. It's Ronald Koeman. Flanked by Tony Hibbert, he enters at number 30, delivers the big boot to Purple Aki and hits the bitterest leg drop we've seen. Hand to ear, he gets the crowd's support and lashes Purps over the top rope to book his place at the big dance.

 

HULKOEMANIA IS RUNNING WILD.

 

94412B74-CE94-4CE3-8502-A64ADEF1CC58_zps

 

Scott Malbranque never watches wrestling again.

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