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Ron&Hermione

The Relationship Thread

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anyone on here use online dating? I have a paid subscription to match.com, but i have not recieved a single message or a reply to any i have sent in nearly 2 months (99% sure its becasue i am short and am ugly as sin)

 

what are peoples experiences of sites like that?

Put up a pic in a suit, I did Last week and had more messages first than in the rest of the year put together

 

 

Don't be too surprised if you get a sudden influx of messages around the time your subscription needs re-newing. Mate of mine used Match.com and got loads of women sending him messages... these women and their profiles vanished once he re-newed for 6 months.

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Flicking through an old flame's Instagram account and there's a picture of her with a new engagement ring. I almost shit myself. Not because I still have feelings (we weren't together long) but because it was one of those "what are you doing with your life?" moments that hit you outta nowhere. Really need to get stuff together in 2015.

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Getting engaged is not equivalent to 'getting stuff together'. There are plenty of people for whom getting engaged was the worst thing they ever did. Concentrate on what you want, not what the internet suggests you should be wanting.

Edited by King Coconut

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Getting engaged is not equivalent to 'getting stuff together'. There are plenty of people for whom getting engaged was the worst thing they ever did. Concentrate on what you want, not what the internet suggests you should be wanting.

Amen.

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Getting engaged is not equivalent to 'getting stuff together'. There are plenty of people for whom getting engaged was the worst thing they ever did. Concentrate on what you want, not what the internet suggests you should be wanting.

 

You're right. I didn't quite mean that I should be getting engaged. More that since we split up, I've not achieved or done half as much as I probably should have. Saying that though and without wanting to derail the thread, I'd personally put a lot of that down to the booze. Anyone who's been there knows that over time it's a case of one step forward and two steps back three steps back. It's almost been two months since I last touched any and most of those around me have said that if I can keep off the sauce then it'll be the making of me. No plans to start drinking again in 2015.

 

Taking time out from being on a wrestling forum 24/7 might be a step in the right direction for some.

 

Thanks, Glass Smash.

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Like clockwork; love, lust and relationships turn otherwise sensible and reasonable people into nonsensical wrecks. Even in my mid-twenties I'm still moping around like a lovesick teenager.

 

Got friendly with a girl and we get on magnificently, to the point that I slowly fell for her over the months until I realised the other week I'm totally in love. Problem is she's in a five-year husk of a relationship she's clearly never going to end. So near yet so far.

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So it's been nearly a month since I first posted about my relationship, so figured I would give an update.

 

The holiday period was pretty great to be honest, there were times when things got sketchy when she came out with me for my annual Christmas Eve drinks with old friends. However that wasn't too bad really, just felt a tight grip on my hand all night and one too many malibu & lemonades ordered. But overall it was far more relaxed than what I was expecting.

 

We did the old make a New Years resolution where we weren't going to go through that any more, any of the arguing. So far so good, it's been much calmer. I would attribute that to the fact we are both excited for going to New York next week.

 

I think New York is going to be a massive test though, yes it will be awesome but I fear the closer we get the more anxiety riddled it will be. Especially all the people during touristy stuff. I'm trying not to worry about any of that even though it's a big concern for me.

 

I must also admit that writing on here has helped, when various people were saying how I was obsessive and everything it did make me take a step back and look at my behaviour. Since then I've definitely stopped coddling her as much, said "I'm not arguing" and left the room for her to cool down (works amazingly!!). Just things like that. We have made an effort to cook a meal a few nights a week with classical music playing (I read that it calms situations in some article), it does a wonder. You can't really argue with that in the background.

 

All in all definitely some improvements, even if they aren't massive (the fundamental problems are still there, but we all know they won't leave for a long time). So I'm much happier and it's clear that she is too.

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Firstly the yay!  

 

Police stuff all done and dusted, dropped no charges. Mainly because I didn't actually do any of the batshit crazy stuff that was claimed. She's got a new fella and deleted her self off facebook entirely, which is even better news. Actual Freedom! (I'll believe that when it goes longer than a month without some new insane reason to get the police involved!)

 

The not so yay!

 

About 3 months into a new relly, 2 x pregnancy scares (with the possibility of a 3rd, find out Sunday) due to hormonal issues and reactions to 'evra' patches. Precautions taken throughout, but she's still not certain she isn't. 9 weeks and counting no period ( standard for patches, apparently according to every source available) and 2 x negative pregnancy tests kinda are at odds with each other. 

 

It's not so yay, because current housemate is pregnant, and her and her fella are buying me out of the house, meaning I have had to find some short term digs away from there, the digs are all of 500 metres from Ex's mum. I cant do anything about that given timescale and price ( 50 quid a week all in and can move in within 3 weeks) I've squared it with Police and am at most looking to stay there for 6 months at most.

 

I should get 25k ish from house so will have money to buy a new place and am looking at Help to Buy and Shared Ownership places as will fall in budget. The potential is that will be moving in with new lass.

 

The conundrum

 

I'm not really feeling the relationship. I like her and things are good for the most part. She needs some baby stepping through as is 7 years younger than me and has gone from shit relly to shit relly. Basics like talking,communicating, being equals and going out with each other on a night out/meals/dates are new as previous fella's have left her home alone and not really communicated. 

 

However, she doesn't excite me, I'm getting to a point where I'm beginning to love her, but not like that. Passion seems to be missing, and I'm not entirely sure that's because I miss/ am still in love with,  the bat shit crazy ex or not.  I've talked it through with new lass and she still has residual stuff from her most recent ex too, so is not like we aren't anything but brutally honest with each other.

On the face of it's a rebound for both of us and likely to be two people getting back on track and then going separate ways after a short while. However, pregnancy stuff and house are making things a bit more intense in terms of pressure and where the relationship goes.

 

So what do I do? Carry on, back off or what?  I'm getting to a stage where settling down and having kids would be fantastic, but I'm not feeling it with her. If she is pregnant then I'll be over the moon because I have wanted to be a dad for ages and actually being one to a kid of my own as opposed to others would be awe inspiring. That however is not enough to sustain a relationship between two people. The house thing is another added pressure, because I cant afford it on my own and she wants to move out as she had to move back in with her folks after the last one ended.

 

I never do things straightforward and my head is telling me to end it before it goes much further, but my heart is saying give it a chance. 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

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Flicking through an old flame's Instagram account and there's a picture of her with a new engagement ring. I almost shit myself. Not because I still have feelings (we weren't together long) but because it was one of those "what are you doing with your life?" moments that hit you outta nowhere. Really need to get stuff together in 2015.

I saw a old friends photo of her getting married a few months ago, I really did like her, but never said anything... I'm pretty sure it was obvious that I did even my friends around me at the time thought so. Not sure if she did, I kind of decided that i should break contact with her for a while it was killing me., We lived too far away and i never had the balls to tell her how I felt.  Happy she's got married and settled down with her bloke.   Looking back some of my Facebook stuff that I wrote all cryptic about her is very cringe worthy..... 

 

 

 

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To be fair, pat, that last paragraph about wanting kids and needing someone to help you afford a house seems like a stronger foundation than most marriages in my family were built on. Tangible common goals and necessities are a stronger bond than fleeting things like attraction and chemistry. What are the odds that some big eternally-passionate romance is going to fall in your lap? The odds of dying alone are much safer, so be careful jacking it in. I worry that you're just being fussy and refusing to embrace what you've got. A lot of people don't have anyone. That's a bit "there's kids starving in Africa and you're moaning about having to eat green beans" but it's true. Chances are, you get out of what could be a decent, stable relationship with a house and kids to chase something more exciting/dramatic/stressful, and end up back in here again with the next one anyway.

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