Just seen a big spider

[Ladiesman345]

 

Because it just never gets old:-

 

http://ukff.com/topic/132830-grand-national/#entry2720254

Four blow jobs is just excessive, I mean two at a push would be nice but by the time the fourth rolled around I'd have mentally picked my first two seasons preferred signings on Football Manager. Was that his last ever post as well?

 

I always have a shower after a BJ. Four showers is a lot on top of my normal one or two a day.

[JNLister]

Anyone else finding it's not just bigger spiders this year, but more insects/creepies generally? We've had way more ants than normal, there seems to always be at least one fly buzzing round, and this is the first year I've ever considered moths to be a significant annoyance.

[Sergio Mendacious]

See, this is exhibit #1 against mega threads. Spiders to snake-twattery to Richie's good fortune to BJs. Obviously, they were even more varied, but there was no narrative... this thread is a wild ride.

Edited September 25, 2014 by Bill Diarrhea

[PowerButchi]

Bringing up that HIV lad stole the thunder from my Phillipa Forrester bombshell as well. Fuck you all.

[Undefeated Steak]

Ok, I went into the bathroom this morning and as I was looking in the mirror I saw a spider running up over my shoulder (I had a top on).

 

It wasn't a huge one but it wasn't a money spider either. It made me jump and I got it straight off but my biggest concern is that I wouldn't have had a clue it was on me had I not looked in the mirror.

 

Without freaking you gents out, there's every chance we're walking around with spiders on us more often than we realise.

[Sergio Mendacious]

Ok, I went into the bathroom this morning and as I was looking in the mirror I saw a spider running up over my shoulder (I had a top on).

 

It wasn't a huge one but it wasn't a money spider either. It made me jump and I got it straight off but my biggest concern is that I wouldn't have had a clue it was on me had I not looked in the mirror.

 

Without freaking you gents out, there's every chance we're walking around with spiders on us more often than we realise.

Fuck off... I'd kill myself, or at the very least, pour some hot bleach on my shoulder. This happening in the morning would almost certainly mean I'd take the first option — I'm forever vigilant in the shower to the presence of spiders, especially as I feel like they have established a social club in the loose strip of paper I need to repair on the ceiling. I bet they've got one of those poker slot machines, and a busty spider barmaid.

[Mr_Danger]

What's everyone's worst spider experiences? Mine is either when I was sleeping on the floor in my Nan's and a spider dropped on to my face or when me and the wife were playing with the baby singing the spiders, snakes and bugs song when the biggest house spider I've ever seen ran from down the side of the bed guard and I leapt off the bed leaving the poor wife and baby defenceless.

 

My favourite is when my little brother was chasing me with a spider he'd found in the down stairs bog and it bit him on the arm thus rendering him as scared of them as me for the rest of his life.

[Arch Stanton]

Our garden shed is absolutely terrifying, like a horror movie set. If I can't reach a tool from the doorway, I just don't use it. My head will not pass the threshold. There's stuff at the back of the shed that I've never touched. There are webs and twisted spider carcasses everywhere you look. Few months ago I looked up into the back corner and saw an enormous spider spinning its web around a giant white ball of eggs. Still freaks me the fuck out to picture it.

 

We rent, so the shed and most of its contents isn't actually ours. If it was, I'd have paid for a man to come and take the whole fucking thing away by now.

[Mandingo's Donger]

A couple of months ago i was in the shower and i turned round to see the sillhoutte of what looked like a huge body of a spider near the top of the shower curtain and 2 hairy legs poking over the top.

 

I freaked out and sent it flying and god knows where it went. I'm not usually that bothered by spiders, in fact there's pretty much always several in my flat any one time (the ones with small bodies and long thin legs) but it totally looked like a scene out of some B-movie where the spider was about to crawl over the top of the shower curtain and eat me.

[DCW]

Moved into a new place that had been empty for a while earlier this week, and despite hoovering up every spider and brushing away every cobweb in sight there's always still a few of those really thin legged ones about most evenings when I get home. Resorted to sleeping under the duvet in fear of one crawling over my face during the night. Also been filling in every little crack in the external walls with expanding foam like a nutter all week in a vain effort to stop them getting in.

 

Had to kill two bastard wasps on the bus this week too, they definitely seem more aggressive than usual.

Edited September 26, 2014 by DCW

[SpursRiot2012]

I don't know for sure but I think my fear of spiders come from my mother being shit scared of them when I was a kid, so I'd like automatically jump up on the sofa with her or whatever when she saw one. I don't remember being that scared of them when I was little, little kid. Nowadays, if I see one on the ceiling at one end of the room I end up sitting on the bed, almost rocking back and forth, before deciding that, if I keep an eye on it, I could probably get dressed and go to work and not worry about it.

 

I'm huge with out of sight out of mind when it comes to spiders. If I see it and I don't know where it went after looking away, that's terrifying. If I see it, go out for 12 hours and come back and don't see it, I'm not concerned.

[Surf Digby]

I used to work in a garden centre and we'd get some monster ones there. I had an industrial staple gun though, so they generally came off worse.

I was a bit of a cunt back then. I'd cut the legs off one side of them so that they could only run in circles.

[Sergio Mendacious]

I feel bad for my mum — she went to clean up my London flat to prepare it for sale after we'd turfed the Lithuanian toerag tenants out, and as she walked in the front door, my dad tells me there was a five-second sequence of events where she said "It stinks in here, why is it so humid?" and then a bunch of cockroaches fell in her hair. Her dodgy mate from down the Meadows (would mean something to Nottingham people) says she thinks they were growing a lot of weed in there, which explains the stink, humidity, water damage, and bugs.

[HarmonicGenerator]

Had a dream last night where I was bitten by a venomous snake, and I blame this thread.

 

Also, add me to those who say 'fuck wasps'. They hang around my car in the mornings like they're waiting for me and I have to go to great lengths to avoid them actually getting in when I open the door.

[neil is brill]

Add my shed to the ones that have been colonised. The grass needs cutting and the lawnmower is in that shed. Fuck my life.