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Just seen a big spider


IANdrewDiceClay
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Fuck me. It was massive. Legs like Ahmed Johnson and the girth of Omar gigglestick. I've seen Troma films with villains less animated that this bastard. He was shuffing and doing the Brock Lesnar dance and all sorts. Never took a picture of it, because it has just been murdered using David Seamans autobiography. I've never seen anything like it. Never been a Spider-man, but this is a different level of 8 legged twat

 

Why did this happen? Why now? I thought it was just Daily Star bollocks, but true enough there was one there. In the front room. Watching Sky Sports News as Southampton scored the winner against Sunderland. Upon seeing it, I initially didn't believe it. I'm sure he had a Ben Sherman shirt on, it was so big. It was like when Father Ted saw Todd Unctuous trying to nick the Golden Cleric. This is not on. Anyone else seen one as cartoonishly big as I'm describing here? And were you as big a girl as I was?

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Was it one of those with a really tiny body and stupid huge legs? I don't remember these kinds of spiders from when I was younger, where have they mutated from? They never seem to have any fucking clue where they're going, completely uncoordinated. 

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We've been getting them in our house daily for about a fortnight and it never gets any easier to deal with. I jump like a little girl while our three cats massacre the bastard things, then I get the missus to collect the legs and remainder of it's body and flush it down the bog. Hate the fucking things.

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Was it one of those with a really tiny body and stupid huge legs? I don't remember these kinds of spiders from when I was younger, where have they mutated from? They never seem to have any fucking clue where they're going, completely uncoordinated. 

No exaggeration, this is almost exactly how it looked. It wasn't like a normal spider.

23rpsmo.jpg

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I've been getting constant massive spiders and daddy long legs in my flat, I saw a spider so big I could clearly make out the pale patterns on it's body & Legs. I don't remember seeing such exotic looking arachnids before. I can't kill them though, I can't kill anything, not even a mosquito, I have to use the glass and postcard technique. Anyway who the fuck named the daddy long legs? Why does an insect have such a silly name? It sounds like something a Victorian child would come up with.

Edited by Call me Bellend
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I have a horrible, horrible fear of spiders. The problem is, my girlfriend is also afraid of them. We were cooking dinner the other night and a massive one was in the kitchen so we nearly had to abandon food on the stove.

 

I had a thread similar to this on here years ago.

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Brilliant! Have that gastroenteritis thing, and first genuine laugh out of me in two days amidst an onslaught of puke and scuts.

Only Thursday night last week, it was lights out at bedtime and myself and the missus were in bed and I felt something scarper across my forehead and I jumped up, turned the light on, and on the pillow was one of those poxy oversized B-Movie cunts looking at us. Luckily, I’m not afraid of spiders (bats and butterflies, I am terrified of though) so I put it in me hands and threw it out window.

It wasn’t the first one either, as a couple days prior to that I was on my knees hoovering the floor, and those bits between the wall and floorboard that I left too much of a gap in when laying the floors in the first place were full of dust, when I saw a massive clusterfuck of leg being dragged into the hoover.

And to think the Aussies deal with this shite daily.

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I have a horrible, horrible fear of spiders. The problem is, my girlfriend is also afraid of them. We were cooking dinner the other night and a massive one was in the kitchen so we nearly had to abandon food on the stove.

 

I had a thread similar to this on here years ago.

I'm with you here. I can't even get near one with a glass/postcard. If I see one in my bedroom then I'm sleeping downstairs. Think I might try putting some conkers around the house this year - anything has to be worth a punt.

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