Paid Members waters44 Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 I love a good Dad joke or funny quip so thought people could share their favourites here. During the usual chaotic work Teams calls at some point someone is likely to type in the chat "Can you hear me?" and one colleague will always type back "Pardon?" Also last week my sister and family went to Spain for a week. During the flight an announcement came over the radio to say there was someone on board with a nut allergy so please do not open any nuts. Apparently my nine year old nephew shouted out "I'll put my two away". The kids got a bright future Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members BomberPat Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 any time I see or hear a word that doubles as a military rank, I will repeat it with a salute - General Groceries, Private Browsing, Major Incident, and so on. Taken to another level, when I started in my old job there was an in-tray marked "General Admin", and my boss and I would talk about "General Admin" as if he was an African warlord/despot. Similarly, whenever the Democratic Republic of Congo is referred to as "D.R. Congo", my brother will act as if "Dr Congo" is the name of a supervillain. My absolute favourite joke is one that used to drive my ex absolutely mad, which only made it funnier, especially if she inadvertently gave me the set-up. "Would you like a sandwich?" "Yeah, I'll have the Ploughman's. He'll be fuming when he finds out". It works equally well with Shepherd's Pie. And, if you're ambitious enough, with Colman's Mustard or Goat's Cheese Sandwich. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperBacon Posted August 1 Members Share Posted August 1 Courtesy of @PunkStep this very morning that gave me a very minor chuckle. I also love when something like a fine is outstanding and have to reply "Why, what's so good about it?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Some Guy Posted August 1 Share Posted August 1 When Just Some Girl has made sandwiches with bread rolls I always exclaim, "Lovely baps" At Christmas Dinner I try to get my hands on the paxo first so I can ask, "Do you want stuffing" to which she always says, "yes". Way-hay! Good Times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 A mate of mine made a really tortured joke the other day about how the Gladiator sequel is really raunchy so they're giving it the title Gladiator Out. In hindsight its terrible but I was well lubricated at the time so thought it was hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperBacon Posted August 1 Members Share Posted August 1 4 minutes ago, Lorne Malvo said: mate of mine made a really tortured joke the other day about how the Gladiator sequel is really raunchy so they're giving it the title Gladiator Out. Maximus Decimus Cunnilingus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Chris B Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 Seems appropriate. Or might just be funny to me. Spoiler The Chuckle Brothers when they were young. Literal minor chuckles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members ReturnOfTheMack Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 Not long after I met my now wife I got her with a terrible joke that still makes me laugh, and makes her irritated. We drove past a field with some horses in 'Look there, a flock of horses' 'Herd of horses!' 'Course I've heard of horses, there's a flock of them in that field.' I was far too happy that she fell for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Blog Posted August 1 Share Posted August 1 I always get my girls with this one. “Dad can you put my shoes on?” ”No, they won’t fit me” It is now at the point that it I just put them on for them they make me recite the joke. My eldest (5) came out with an outstanding joke, I was putting the dishwasher on and she said “oh no is the dishwasher sick again?” I looked at her rather puzzled and she said “you are giving it another tablet.” I thought it was quite brilliant for a 5 year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members BomberPat Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 When my niece was little, my brother started getting really hung up on not having a go-to dad joke to annoy her with. Then they moved near a street called "Church Close", and every time they walked past the street sign he'd say, "I know it is, it's right there" and point to the church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted August 1 Moderators Share Posted August 1 A bit of a departure as it's not a dad joke, but my go to small stupid joke that amuses me every time - Whenever I am handing someone a beer bottle I tell them that it's a twist top. People always fall for it and that 5 seconds of frustration and confusion is always funny to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Arch Stanton Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 1 hour ago, ReturnOfTheMack said: Not long after I met my now wife I got her with a terrible joke that still makes me laugh, and makes her irritated. We drove past a field with some horses in 'Look there, a flock of horses' 'Herd of horses!' 'Course I've heard of horses, there's a flock of them in that field.' I was far too happy that she fell for it. This is my favourite so far, definitely going to steal that one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Carbomb Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 I always like the classic of when any emergency service is driving past at full pelt with the sirens going, uttering "They'll never sell any ice creams going that fast". Also, the one where kids ask their dad "Can we watch TV", and he replies "Yes, but you can't turn it on". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lorne Malvo Posted August 1 Paid Members Share Posted August 1 My old art teacher said he got so good at drawing because he drew the same thing at the same time everynight. I asked him what that was and he said 'the curtains'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SuperBacon Posted August 1 Members Share Posted August 1 Just remembered my favourite thing my Dad does and that's text me every year to say "I see Oxford and Cambridge have qualified for the Boat Race final again ??????" which always gets a laugh. And I think I've mentioned it before but I have a friend who's birthday is 9th March, same day Notorious BIG died. Without fail for the last 20 odd years I've messaged him "RIP Biggie...oh and happy birthday" which we both love obviously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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