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[wandshogun09]

You don’t need it at any time but Christmas can be stressful enough without all that. We’ve always had Christmas Day just the immediate family and then a big family gathering on Boxing Day but we’ve knocked that on the head now for similar reasons. Family members on both mine and my wife’s sides that just bring a load of unnecessary aggro and cause a bad atmosphere. Not worth it. Yesterday was just me, my wife, my daughter and my son and it was lovely. Today we’re seeing my parents, sisters, nieces and nephews and then my wife’s mum and sister are coming for New Years. Looking forward to just seeing people I actually enjoy spending time with and not having to deal with the extended family and their bullshit this year. I’m sure it’s offended some of them that we’ve changed plans this year but sod them. Like in your situation, at some point you have to put yourself and your son’s happiness first.

Hope you have a better New Year. 

[DavidB6937]

Family politics are shit. Luckily I've been alright personally but plenty of close friends have been through absolute messes. I'd say the majority have thankfully broken free and they're doing their own thing now and they're so much happier for it. I know it probably creates more drama but if Christmas is going to be full of drama anyway then fuck it. Just do what's best for you and your immediate family in the end. Especially for kids. I always hate it when bullshit adult stuff ruins it for the young ones.

[SuperBacon]

4 minutes ago, DavidB6937 said:

I know it probably creates more drama but if Christmas is going to be full of drama anyway then fuck it.

This. If people throw their toys out of the pram and try and use guilt, because people want to do their own thing on one particular day in December, then fuck them quite frankly.

I often wonder if things would be different if I'd had a closer family (parents and siblings I mean) but I suspect probably not. 

[patiirc]

There's a cracking article on family estrangement on the bbc https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20211201-family-estrangement-why-adults-are-cutting-off-their-parents

I've never had the greatest familial relationship and didn't speak to my dad of nearly 5 years because of transition, ditto with my brother. 

Because 'family' is ingrained as important in wider society, Christmas becomes this massive bundle of toxicity and full of red flags. 

Just because they're family doesn't mean that old relationship patterns exist, especially if parents or siblings were abusive or toxic. 

Just because they're family doesn't mean that you still have to be in that parent/child set up and be subject to toxicity as they try and parent you still. 

Just because they're family doesn't mean that your boundaries can be trampled all over. 

Just because they're family doesnt mean you have to bow to peer pressure, emotional blackmail or try to keep the peace. 

It's a hard thing to do, however being guilt tripped over the grand kids or emotional pleas to enter a bad situation should not over ride your wants and needs. 

No one should have to do that because of tradition or anything else if they dont want to. 

Some Further Reading: 

https://newframetherapy.co.uk/how-to-survive-a-toxic-family-christmas/

https://medium.com/practical-growth/your-toxic-family-doesnt-care-if-you-have-a-good-christmas-e3e6ea366c87

 

[Chili]

Today was worse, mum and fella went to his mams to see more of his family. I didn't feel comfortable, then had a daft anxiety attack, went back to bed. Still here. I don't know why I hate myself so much and deliberately seem to want to sabotage any glimmer of upbeat mood or positivity. I can post this and talk about it, yet I'll absolutely convince myself staying here in bed till I go home tomorrow is the best plan. Which is just basically every day I have now. This should be have been at least two days off to just shut my brain. Instead I go back home to my awful empty house share in Manchester where I have as it stands, no future plans for anything. 

[King Coconut]

6 minutes ago, Chili said:

Today was worse, mum and fella went to his mams to see more of his family. I didn't feel comfortable, then had a daft anxiety attack, went back to bed. Still here. I don't know why I hate myself so much and deliberately seem to want to sabotage any glimmer of upbeat mood or positivity. I can post this and talk about it, yet I'll absolutely convince myself staying here in bed till I go home tomorrow is the best plan. Which is just basically every day I have now. This should be have been at least two days off to just shut my brain. Instead I go back home to my awful empty house share in Manchester where I have as it stands, no future plans for anything. 

Have none of the people who pledged their time in this thread reached out to you? 

[DavidB6937]

8 minutes ago, King Coconut said:

Have none of the people who pledged their time in this thread reached out to you? 

Is it really your place to be asking something like that? People have said they're happy to listen and they're available to talk. Personally I wouldn't be expecting a whole thread of people bombarding someone with DMs or anything. If someone's comfortable and wants to talk to me then the offer is always there.

[King Coconut]

What the fuck do you know about my 'place'?

[69MeDon]

1 minute ago, King Coconut said:

What the fuck do you know about my 'place'?

It's probably somewhere in Germany, I would assume.

[King Coconut]

2 minutes ago, 69MeDon said:

It's probably somewhere in Germany, I would assume.

Bingo! But in all seriousness, you don't need Excel to see how animated the thread became when Kooks came in for a vent in comparison to Chili. I haven't had time to devote to the thread until now but was following with interest and that seemed a bit off. 

[Jazzy G]

52 minutes ago, Chili said:

Today was worse, mum and fella went to his mams to see more of his family. I didn't feel comfortable, then had a daft anxiety attack, went back to bed. Still here. I don't know why I hate myself so much and deliberately seem to want to sabotage any glimmer of upbeat mood or positivity. I can post this and talk about it, yet I'll absolutely convince myself staying here in bed till I go home tomorrow is the best plan. Which is just basically every day I have now. This should be have been at least two days off to just shut my brain. Instead I go back home to my awful empty house share in Manchester where I have as it stands, no future plans for anything. 

That's rough, Chili. Whereabouts in Manchester are you? 

[I Bent My Wookie]

I had a really peaceful Christmas. My family know I don't really like big ra ra celebration types so tend to leave me to just relax and play football manager and make fleeting appearances to open a few presents or have food. They've got real good at realising when things can be a bit too much. 

I did have a really cute evening with friends who don't have much family nearby so we all played music and drinking games and just chilled rather than heading out to the pub. 

[Jazzy G]

That does sound good. I played some Assassin's Creed and watched the Grand Tour while I installed Forza, then it was about half 1 so I went to bed. 

[Keith Houchen]

If this doesn’t help you, you’re already dead. 

 

[Thunderplex]

On 12/26/2021 at 6:28 PM, King Coconut said:

Have none of the people who pledged their time in this thread reached out to you? 

Probably because while we don’t necessarily read the entire contents of every thread immediately due to having lives, we still receive message alerts, so if anyone does need a chat, they can PM the person they feel most comfortable with and have a chat directly.