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The UKFF's ULTIMATE Action Hero [WINNER ANNOUNCED]


John Matrix

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On 7/27/2017 at 4:40 PM, John Matrix said:

Ever loving piss beaten out of him through insurmountable odds, and yet shows off the fighting skills to stay standing.  Its why Seagal characters don't feature heavily in my list, not because of the man himself although perhaps indirectly linked, but because he's rarely vulnerable and always portrayed as so vastly superior in group or one on one situations, that I rarely feel that overcoming of the odds that makes me really connect.

Yeah, exactly.

I'll watch his films, but he sells fuck all in them. Doesn't flinch. He's throwing fuckers around and not taking anything. Van Damme is the best seller. He's got that Ricky Morton shit down where he looks into the crowd with eyes that say "HELP ME!!".

Edited by bAzTNM#1
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3 hours ago, bAzTNM#1 said:

Yeah, exactly.

I'll watch his films, but he sells fuck all in them. Doesn't flinch. He's throwing fuckers around and not taking anything. Van Damme is the best seller. He's got that Ricky Morton shit down where he looks into the crowd with eyes that say "HELP ME!!".

Agree with both you and Matrix. Seagal films are OK, but he never gives anyone anything. Only film I enjoyed watching more than once was Hard To Kill, and that was mostly down to Kelly LeBrock. 

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My dad would be so disappointed Seagal isn't to be found on my list.

Out For Justice and Marked for Death are both as good as Under Siege IMO, although Erika Eleniak was my first crush so Under Siege gets bonus points for her.

Edited by Call me Bellend
To chat more guff about Seagal
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Don't make the mistake of thinking I don't love me some Seagull.  I think i've told my story of queuing for an autograph with the cunt on here on numerous occasions!

It's more the reason he doesn't feature in my list, is that he's too untouchable, which shed's light on something i'd never previously considered - clearly the hero's who resonate with me the most are those which have a hint of vulnerability about them...only a hint mind.  It's a fine line!

 

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11 minutes ago, John Matrix said:

Don't make the mistake of thinking I don't love me some Seagull.  I think i've told my story of queuing for an autograph with the cunt on here on numerous occasions!

It's more the reason he doesn't feature in my list, is that he's too untouchable, which shed's light on something i'd never previously considered - clearly the hero's who resonate with me the most are those which have a hint of vulnerability about them...only a hint mind.  It's a fine line!

 

It makes sense, though. If there's no vulnerability, there's nothing for them to overcome; a big part of their appeal is that they show heart and courage, which you couldn't do very well if you were never in trouble.

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7 minutes ago, Carbomb said:

It makes sense, though. If there's no vulnerability, there's nothing for them to overcome; a big part of their appeal is that they show heart and courage, which you couldn't do very well if you were never in trouble.

...and this is where I struggle to articulate why I can't connect with 'superhero' movies, because as far as I can tell, those guys are regularly on the brink of death in those films, however, I don't feel the same peril because the film is set in a universe in which guys have laser eyes, can make themselves invisible, can invoke the spirits of a fallen mystical god or whatever else it be, so i'm just sat numb waiting for the inevitable.  

I want to sit watching a human being who is to all intents and purposes, fucked, to see how he a) tough's it out or b) uses his superior skills or intellect to salvage a way out.

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In small doses, Segal's great because he's not a super agile high kicky or super muscular guy. It needs to be his peak mid-period too, when he no longer had the comically skinny legs and didn't know how to run like a normal person, but before he became sluggish and bloated.

Under Siege, is indeed his best work. He was in decent shape, the film had a decent budget, and there was a great supporting cast.

Under Siege 2 isn't bad, but there's that one weird moment with the double speed hammerlock. It's only a small moment, but nobody wants a trifle with only a small piece of shit in it.

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20 hours ago, John Matrix said:

...and this is where I struggle to articulate why I can't connect with 'superhero' movies, because as far as I can tell, those guys are regularly on the brink of death in those films, however, I don't feel the same peril because the film is set in a universe in which guys have laser eyes, can make themselves invisible, can invoke the spirits of a fallen mystical god or whatever else it be, so i'm just sat numb waiting for the inevitable.  

I want to sit watching a human being who is to all intents and purposes, fucked, to see how he a) tough's it out or b) uses his superior skills or intellect to salvage a way out.

Yeah, but in fairness to superhero movies, usually the villains have similar powers, so all they've really done is shift the danger level. Iron Man's usually up against guys with equal technology or superior alien tech, Thor's fighting other gods, Spider-Man's usually mixing it up with a variety of villains more powerful than he is, and Batman's just an ordinary guy with lots of equipment pitching wits against devious psychotics with either the element of surprise or perhaps even the odd superpower.

I get it, though. I used to hate Superman for the reasons you state - they actually had to create Doomsday to give him a villain that could (and did) kill him. For the casual, it's always bloody kryptonite, and you have to read loads of DC comics to really get all the threats to Superman beyond what a casual should be expected to read. 

But what you're saying makes complete sense. Plus, for a lot of people, a big part of what puts people off superheroes is just that barrier of fantasy; no matter how relatable you try to make them, they'll never be truly relatable, because no-one in real life can ever do what they do. At least the guys in action movies are portrayed as being plausibly within reach.

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Guys I promised an update today and...true to form, this week has been an absolute shit house, so i'm a little behind. 

However, to whet your appetite, here, in no particular order, is the first of the 'one and done's' who didn't make the list, but all received a solitary nomination.  Discuss.

Hulk Hogan - Off the wrestling
Chance Boudreaux - Hard Target
Kurt Sloane - Kickboxer
Frank Dux - Bloodsport
King Kong - Various
Chong Li - Bloodsport
Simon Pheonix - Demolition Man
Johnnie Gray - The General
Philo Beddoe - Every Which Way But Loose
James Bond (Roger Moore) - Various
Roger Thornhill - North by Northwest
John Nada - They Live
Ip Man - Ip Man
Hermoine Grainger - Harry Potter
Corporal Hicks - Aliens
Jack Traven - Speed 
Leon - Leon
Inigo Montoya - The Princess Bride
Henry V - Henry V
Jack Slater - Last Action Hero
Robert Muldoon - Jurassic Park
Douglas Quaid - Total Recall
Jack Bauer - 24
 

 

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