Elimination Chamber 2025

[Supremo]

WARNING: May contain hyperbole.

How quickly things can change. The last B-show was only a few months ago, but it might as well be a different dimension. Bad Blood, in October, was the biggest flex imaginable. A white hot product, a stacked as fuck card befitting one of the Big Four, filled with coherent, logical, effective storylines and characters. A promotion firing on all cylinders, with razor-sharp focus.

Fast forward only a couple of months and it’s a wishy washy, chaotic mess. Nobody has any idea what’s happening. It‘s anyone’s guess what direction they’re going to go in. Still exciting, sure, but for all the wrong reasons.

On the metaphorical Road to Wrestlemania, Elimination Chamber should be like stopping at a Services on the motorway. You want to know where you’re going. You want to stop at a familiar, enjoyable place. The only problem is that one of your family members (The Rock) has hitched a ride, and for the second straight year has immediately shat themselves. You’ve got to take an emergency stop in unfamiliar territory. All plans are out of the window. Everything stinks. They might not even have a Burger King in this one!

Hunter must despair. Last year, after The Rock suffered a handful of public failures, he returned to WWE, made a complete mess of everything, forcing everyone else to clean up afterwards. And now this year, despite a complete turnaround in fortune, coming off the back of a handful of successes, signing on to star in a Martin Scorsese film, The Rock’s still came back and made his second annual balls-up! You can’t escape the fucker! He can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, remorse or fear. And he absolutely will not stop!... ever... until your product’s an incoherent mess!

Monday gave me hope though. That promo from Cody and Seth proved they’ve got the chops to potentially save this once again. A spectacular clean up job. It’s like a ridiculous pro-wrestling version of Ready, Steady, Cook. The Rock turns up with a load of nonsense, daft ingredients, and then it’s the job of Hunter and Cody to turn them into a proper dish.

If nothing else, there’s a real Wrestlemania XL Press Conference vibe about Cody selling his soul to The Rock, where I’m excited to see how the fuck they write themselves out of Dwayne’s thick skull. If they salvage this for a second year that might be their biggest achievement yet. Prediction: it’s revealed that Cody is an actual android and doesn’t have a soul, forcing The Rock to look elsewhere.

You assume whatever they decide to do with The Rock will have a direct effect on the Men’s Elimination Chamber. Does Cody turn heel and face either Punk or Cena? Do Cena or Punk sell their soul once they earn the shot at Cody? Other than the result, does anyone actually care about this match? I’m sure Logan Paul will do something athletically impressive. I’m sure Seth Rollins will do something annoying. The only spot I’m desperate for is CM Punk and John Cena interacting! Look at us!

Prediction: CM Punk wins. He sells his soul. Corporate Man Punk and the Woke Edge Society vs. Cody Rhodes at Wrestlemania. It just looks right. Will definitely make Tony Khan cry, too.

Whatever happens, and whatever chicken salad they manage to make out of this chicken shit, I still fully expect The Rock to somehow overshadow everything. Maybe he ends up being the guest ref. Poor Punk. He managed to avoid main eventing Wrestlemania 2000, but then he ends up main eventing Wrestlemania 27 instead!

“You are what you hate! YOU are 2011 Mike Mizanin!”

Women’s Elimination Chamber is only unpredictable in the sense that they’ve barely pushed it and there’s almost no-one who feels ready to face Rhea. I guess they could go with Liv, since she’s the most pushed star and her feud with Rhea has carried much of Raw the last twelve months, but surely everyone agrees that program is finished and there’s nothing else in the tank? Prediction: Bianca and Naomi go to a draw. Wrestlemania is a Triple Threat between Bianca, Naomi and Rhea, eventually playing into the, “Who Killed Jade Cargill?” angle.

Zayn vs. Owens is the most earnestly exciting thing on the show. A real, genuine, great bit of business. The greatest legacy feud of all time. A pairing that absolutely should not still work considering how often they’ve gone back to the well, and yet I’d argue this is the best work they’ve ever done. I’m gripped! Super bitter sweet that this suggests they won’t be battling at Wrestlemania, but I’ll try and enjoy it all the same. Fuck me though. If they move from this, to Kross and Orton feuds?! Biggest downgrade since Glenn Jacobs put on the Diesel tights.

So yeah, a bonkers, chaotic, unmissable mess. Roll on Saturday! Midnight start time, too! Unless The Rock fucks up those plans, too. He’s got half a billion Instagram followers, don’t you know.

[Devon Malcolm]

JUST ADDED - MCMG vs DIY in a 90 minute Iron Man match.

[Arch Stanton]

3 hours ago, Supremo said:

On the metaphorical Road to Wrestlemania, Elimination Chamber should be like stopping at a Services on the motorway. You want to know where you’re going. You want to stop at a familiar, enjoyable place. The only problem is that one of your family members (The Rock) has hitched a ride, and for the second straight year has immediately shat themselves. You’ve got to take an emergency stop in unfamiliar territory. All plans are out of the window. Everything stinks. They might not even have a Burger King in this one!

This is absolutely perfect. Bravo! 

[Dr. Alan Grant]

Jesus, Seth’s face in that poster. I’m utterly mystified at his continued prominence. Clown. 

Candice LeRae somehow getting onto a PPV card is a minor miracle. But no room for either of the newly crowned midcard champs. I can’t think of a single women’s match that I’d be interested to see at Mania. They’ve done a poor job this past year of building anyone not named Rhea, Liv or Nia. There’s certainly still time for them to make Rhea/Bianca a big deal, but since Bianca is still embroiled in the Jade saga, I can’t see her winning. Fuck it, I’d settle for one final blow-off between the two women who have carried the division. Rhea Vs Liv, Hell In A Cell. 

Hopefully Triple H will accost Rock as he’s entering the arena to tell him that James Gunn called and wants to make Black Adam 2 immediately. He buggers off there and then and everyone can move on from this soul-snatching stuff. 

[WyattSheepMask]

9 hours ago, Dr. Alan Grant said:

Jesus, Seth’s face in that poster. I’m utterly mystified at his continued prominence. Clown. 

 

Every time I see him I just want to put my fist through his face

[CDM]

I think it's fair to say it's either punk or cena. I think punk wins. Cena maybe headlines day 1. Although its very hard not to see him on day 2 so I think it's more likely he is second from last. 

[DavidB6937]

 

The lad on here that doesn't like hyperbole just had an aneurysm.

[Kfogg1991]

I'm going to try and watch live tonight hopefully I can keep awake for it all.

The only thing I'm interested and care about is the men's chamber. This should be punk winning and finally getting his main event dream.

However I am praying anyone wins that's not John Cena because a Cena mania main event in 2025 screams absolutely awful main event so I'm praying they don't give him the win 

[TheScarlettChad]

14 minutes ago, Kfogg1991 said:

However I am praying anyone wins that's not John Cena because a Cena mania main event in 2025 screams absolutely awful main event so I'm praying they don't give him the win 

What year is it again? 2008?

[SuperBacon]

12 minutes ago, Kfogg1991 said:

However I am praying anyone wins that's not John Cena because a Cena mania main event in 2025 screams absolutely awful main event so I'm praying they don't give him the win 

[DavidB6937]

Kfogg bring the Kfed vibes back. 2006 is calling.

 

[NeverYield]

15 hours ago, WyattSheepMask said:

Every time I see him I just want to put my fist through his face

That was the exact thought I had

[Mr Butternut Squash]

1 hour ago, TheScarlettChad said:

What year is it again? 2008?

Nah, Cena was still good in 2008.

[air_raid]

Drew and Priest will have an interaction that adds fuel to the fire for their issue into Mania. Punk may get pinned by Logan Paul if they’re taking Reigns off him for Mania, Cena will win.

Tiffy & Trish will win because there’s fuck all value in beating Trish in Toronto considering Nia isn’t taking a title into Mania.

If I was a betting man… Roxi pins Alexa then Bayley pins Perez. Maybe Naomi turns but in the end Belair wins, for a big generational fight with Rhea at Mania. Fuck off Charlotte, we don’t need you.

Cody will say no to the Board, Roman will turn up. Rock vs Roman at Mania.

Kev and Sami will near kill each other but go again at Mania anyway.

The “World Champion” and Royal Rumble winner both watching the last PLE before Mania on telly like the rest of us, yeah? Bollocks.

[gmoney]

Holy fucking shit. Never doubt them again.