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Mr Butternut Squash

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About Mr Butternut Squash

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  1. Nothing in The Firefly Funhouse match lived up to its utterly mental set up with The Fiend pointing at the Wrestlemania sign and Cena doffing his cap, but I loved it and thought it totally delivered in telling the story of Wyatt through the weird and wacky Funhouse vision. So many cool and surprising bits scattered in there and its always refreshing to see them pull from their own history vaults. Sure, it was all a bit smarky insider, but they were creative and fun as hell with it and we're the only fuckers left watching this stuff anyway. A welcome reminder of what a unique star Bray Wyatt can be when he's not wrestling and John Cena is just the best. Both a lovely, silly, tribute to the career of one of the all time greats and a nice shot in the arm for Wyatt. There's always a risk of overdoing anything good, but there might be just enough history there if they wanna do something similar for whenever Bray vs Braun happens. Good on all the guys for putting a shift in through all of this and the Boneyard and Funhouse matches alone made Mania better than I thought it'd be. Holy fucking shit though, that LMS was an absolute war crime. That was everything I dreaded a Orton/Edge match could be and then some. "Sorry, I love you", forced WWE melodrama at its dirt fucking worst with Edge at his most unbearable. Even skipping through it this thing never ends. And, my God, Tom Phillips might take the mantle as the shittiest commentator in history with this one. Why does he sound like he's calling the snooker? And don't get me started on the endless grunting, groaning and gagging during all of this. That was . . . distracting at the very best. I can't imagine what kind of torture porn Ciampa and Gargano have conjured up for their one. Ripley vs Charlotte suffered from similar main event EPIC-style grunting and laying about and had the kind of story that dies in this environment. Great match in itself though. Charlotte delivered and Ripley looked like a future star again. Otis/ Dolph was perfectly fine for what it was and had the nice feel good ending. Drew/Brock was a bummer for all manner of reasons and felt especially dry following the Funhouse match. Good for Drew I guess but this was proper lose/lose for the poor bugger.
  2. Not much to add about the Boneyard match. Awesome stuff and the first time this empty arena era delivered a match that truly washed away the weirdness in this world. There were points in this where I just laughed and laughed. Ridiculous match but utterly spot on at the same time. Taker's trash talkin was top tier and brought some hate to the absurdity. It probably would have died playing at a real arena but this is definitely a potential option they have to preserve The Undertaker and the other real stars without embarrassing them in a live setting. Best Mania main event since the first Brock vs Roman. Couldnt bare to watch Corbin/Elias, the ladder match or Owens/Rollins but the other stuff was like a good episode of Raw. I get why they did that finish but I can't help but feel bad for Baszler. She's a lost cause on this roster and the Becky character continues to go down a dreadful, dreadful path without a single intriguing feud in sight. Goldberg looked terrible and I was glad to see him squashed. Hollow victory for poor Braun though. With Roman gone for the foreseeable, I'm guessing he's keeping the belt warm while they try scramble back together The Fiend.
  3. Seeing the people pop off huge for heel Luger in '87 was a mini shocker. Easily the most over of the Four Horseman during that incarnation. The hardcore Crockett crowd seriously loved them some jacked-up dudes.
  4. The sound of Lex at his late 80s peak. Absolutely epic guitar shredding. All Japan putting the FUNK in Terry Funk. The incredible phased violin (or whatever the fuck that is) is head spinning. Bloody lush little tune. The lovely brass never fails to put a spring in my step. Chipper. THE BEST. Space disco, robot funk. Two minutes in, when most wrestling themes are winding down, vocals come from out of nowhere and it becomes some bittersweet pop gem before the Mothership takes off again. Dump made this famous but its cool as fuck Yumi Ikesita that carried it. So many more that I'd put up there too: NWO (So much better than the mere 'porn music' its dismissed as. Brilliant mash-up of stray Hendrix riffs that I don't know how they got away with. Suited the gritty black and white aesthetic perfectly), Terry Funk's Ennio Morricone theme, DOOM/Ron Simmons, Heavenly Bodies in SMW, Bull Nakano, Crush Gals, Riki Choshu, BDK, Stan Hansen's AJPW theme, Flair, OZ/Kevin Nash's second WCW theme, about a dozen Golden Era WWF tracks, and of course, The Midnight Express' version of 'Chase'.
  5. My favourite thing on Dynamite was the young boys. At first I thought that Darby Allin would be nothing more than a hardcore stunt monkey. I couldn't be further from the truth. Where'd this kid come from? When it comes to the important things - selling, facials, body language - he's miles ahead of plenty more experienced folk. I thought he came across better than anyone in the crowdless environment. And then there's Sammy Guevara, who's reminding me of 1997 Shawn Michaels the more I see him. Very disappointing show though. I thought they'd step further outside the box but if anything this was a step back from last week. Lads interacting in the crowd was much missed, they could have at least kept up the audio of the boys cheering backstage. In a bubble, I quite enjoyed the commentary - maybe I just hate Excalibur that much and was relieved of his nasal nerd shrieking. But man, the low-key, conversational tone of Tony, Cody and Kenny just compounded the eerie, hollow feel of it all. Matt Hardy . If this is what the 'Broken' thing was all about then I'm kinda dreading his involvement in the main event scene. That was Black Scorpion levels of wrestlecrap. And I've a soft spot for daft early 90s nonsense, but inserting him into this blood feud? No fucking thanks. Call it a day boys. Tape a load of interviews, profile pieces, some vignettes or something. Hell, let Matt go mad and do a show in his backyard or whatever. Anything's better than this tragic shell of wrestling.
  6. Filming from different locations is a good sell. It's gonna be hilarious watching Cena in his jorts tumble around the fun house, it could work if it's daft enough and they use the Mr Rogers version instead of trying to get dark with The Fiend. 'Boneyard' match sounds ridiculous, guessing its a buried alive deal. They should definitely stick Becky and Baszler inside a UFC cage or Dracula's castle or whatever. I can't get over how much they've ruined those two.
  7. I really liked the opening promo from the Elite, set a nice tone for the show. Especially loved that it was Kenny Omega with the final rallying cry, best he's come across in AEW yet. Rolled my eyes a bit when I saw them going ahead with the matches like normal, although it was an admirable effort. Tazz, JR and Jericho being loose and entertaining on commentary really helped to carry the show and the guys at ringside did their best making noise. It's so much easier when you've got a bunch of well defined characters interacting and doing their thing to bring some life to it. MJF, Cabana and Sammy G were all gold. Still though, you can't help the flat feeling with a missing crowd. But fair play on them making something watchable out of the situation. (In contrast, I watched the first five minutes of Smackdown out of curiosity. Sasha Banks and Bayley doing the same, shitty, scripted entrance and promo routine like robots to a bunch of empty seats, like it was any other show, was so unbearably awful I was done.) My heart sank when Brodie Lee was revealed as the Exalted One. A massive waste of him and I fear the Dark Order will just drag him down. It's like he stepped into a time machine and he's back in Chikara. Jake Roberts and the Lance Archer video were incredible though. Hoping they come up with something mental for Blood and Guts and shoot it in the Hardy compound or something.
  8. Tale of two shows for me. The Inner Circle attack on Nick Jackson was tremendous and reminded me of the grit and realism of early NWO beatdown angles. The blood capsule might’ve been goofy for some but I loved the visual of him under the shutter. Everyone reacted in a realistic enough way and it effectively upped the stakes for blood and guts. Loved Dustins promo too. More Dustin in general would be good. The Chris Daniels spoof was funny enough and ripped the piss out of a lame duck gimmick. Matt Hardy better be the Exulted One, he’s the only one that can salvage it. The Britt Baker promo was decent and Big Swole finally getting a mic sounded good. Those two trios matches though. Woof. Whether it’s WWE or Dynamite, I just can’t stand “protect everyone at all costs” 50/50 bullshit. Death Triangle came out looking like main event badasses but felt like scrubs by mid-match. The sight of PAC and Pentagon bumping their asses off for Joey Janela like he was Hulk Hogan was sickening. Why do that? The Lucha Bros suck the more I see them unfortunately. Any appeal Pentagon had is long gone. MJF/BB vs Jurassic Express was amateur hour, with the usual over contrived shit and B and B being painfully late for some spots. And you can see why Luchasaurous is limited to tags. Just give MJF the strong win. Fuck the convoluted distraction shit to protect Marko Stunt at the end.
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