What's your family been up to now?

[Chest Rockwell]

3 minutes ago, gmoney said:

Oooh, now you've got me thinking.

About soundproofing..?

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

This was just a genuine question from my mum. 

"Can a duck transgender into a goose?"

Where do I even start...

[SuperBacon]

1 minute ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

This was just a genuine question from my mum. 

"Can a duck transgender into a goose?"

Where do I even start...

You should've said absolutely and the preferred pronouns are he/honk. 

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

Tremendous work Rashers, consider my hat well and truly tipped. The thing is, what she actually meant was "Can a duck and a goose fuck?" Which is not a better question but I will explain why it came about. 

My sister and I have to go to the decaying market town of Sleaford on a Wednesday afternoon. On our way here we drive past a lot of fields (soon to be solar panels) and in one of those fields is a little trough and for the past two months every time we pass, a duck and a goose are stood near the trough. They are real we've seen them moving. Whether it's the same two, who knows what am I a waterfowl expert. They aren't caged in so they can obviously fly off, but every week they are there. We'd told our mum about this and somehow that lead to the questions. 

The answer to both is obviously. No, and No. 

[SuperBacon]

1 hour ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

"Can a duck and a goose fuck?"

I don't see why not?

A new low for the forum. 

[Devon Malcolm]

1 hour ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

Tremendous work Rashers, consider my hat well and truly tipped. The thing is, what she actually meant was "Can a duck and a goose fuck?" Which is not a better question but I will explain why it came about. 

My sister and I have to go to the decaying market town of Sleaford on a Wednesday afternoon. On our way here we drive past a lot of fields (soon to be solar panels) and in one of those fields is a little trough and for the past two months every time we pass, a duck and a goose are stood near the trough. They are real we've seen them moving. Whether it's the same two, who knows what am I a waterfowl expert. They aren't caged in so they can obviously fly off, but every week they are there. We'd told our mum about this and somehow that lead to the questions. 

The answer to both is obviously. No, and No. 

The question you should ask in return should be, "Would their offspring be a doose or a guck?"

[Mr_Danger]

6 hours ago, Lion_of_the_Midlands said:

This was just a genuine question from my mum. 

"Can a duck transgender into a goose?"

Where do I even start...

They can but they prefer the term Transgander.

[Carbomb]

35 minutes ago, Mr_Danger said:

They can but they prefer the term Transgander.

Good work from Mr_Transdanger

[King Coconut]

A duck will try to fuck anything that looks roughly like a duck. They also have corkscrew cocks, which makes the act life-threatening for any poor recipient whose fanny isn't designed for it. 

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

1 hour ago, King Coconut said:

A duck will try to fuck anything that looks roughly like a duck. They also have corkscrew cocks, which makes the act life-threatening for any poor recipient whose fanny isn't designed for it. 

Thank you David Attenborough. 

[simonworden]

Anyone remember when we were knowm for just slagging wrestlers off? We've clearly matured as a forum since then. 

[Mr_Danger]

Off Topic has always been an oasis of culture and arts.

[Thunderplex]

Mother has just bought one of these that she states is a “Dinner Masher”, and is proudly telling anyone who will listen in the Sheltered Scheme, including a couple of extremely camp workers in there who were literally in tears.

 

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

So my brother works for DHL in one of the sorting centres. If your postcode starts PE, LN or DN then he was probably involved in getting it to the van or lorry driver that delivered it. 

As you can imagine pretty much everything gets sent by courier these days, but last night he had a first. A coffin. 

So my brother is getting it off the conveyor belt and the agency worker who was supposed to be helping him asked if he needed a hand. My brothers reply was "Only if it's full"

So as you can no doubt deduce, all of us in my family are cunts. 

[Lion_of_the_Midlands]

Sorry for the double bubble but my mum has opened her mouth and gone in like Roy Keane on Alf-Inge Haaland. 

A friend of hers who she speaks to every day has a son that my mum does not like. He's one of those Tommy Robinson is a misunderstood genius types who also thinks that King Charles is secretly a Muslim, so of course he has a YouTube channel to spout that rubbish. Anyway he is currently somewhere in Eastern Europe and he was filming a video in some World War 2 tunnels and he was bitten quite badly by a bat. He had to go to hospital to get the bite sorted and have anti rabies shots. They have told him he has to have a course of injections over the next three weeks and that he will not be allowed to leave the country until they have been completed. 

Now understandably his mum is upset by this and as she was relaying the saga to my mum I heard my mum say jokingly  "How is the bat?" and her friend misses the joking tone and snaps that that is hardly important. My mum who doesn't register the snap back because she is busy laughing to herself that he has been bitten follows up with "Perhaps that bat now thinks King Charles is a Muslim"

That was yesterday, they normally speak at 10am-ish and mum's friend always rings her. The phone has been silent, I think she is offended. 

So as you can no doubt deduce, all of us in my family are cunts.