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WOOOR YOU LIKE Great and Woeful Relatives EH?


Gus Mears

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I feel charmed, there's no one horrific in my family. The touches of racism exist in my 90 odd year old grandad, but it's literally him not moving with the times and there is zero malice meant.

 

The only gripe I can think of are about my mother-in-law who's a bit batty and a clean freak. I once caught her having a good go at cleaning my kettle as it wasn't shining ... it was a brushed metal finish bless her.

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I feel charmed, there's no one horrific in my family. The touches of racism exist in my 90 odd year old grandad, but it's literally him not moving with the times and there is zero malice meant.

 

 

That's old school racism due to general ignorance of the day. My Nan reported the first black man she saw to the police. She also refused to acknowledge my cousin was mixed race and put it down to a bit of jaundice.

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My Nan reported the first black man she saw to the police. 

 

 

 

This just cements this thread as possibly the best one I've ever read. What did she base the report on, someone's shadow had detached itself and gone rogue?

 

"There's a bloke walking down our road, he's fallen in tar. He's covered in it head to toe, but it seems to have given him super rhythm abilities."

Edited by Sergio Mendacious
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My Nan reported the first black man she saw to the police. She also refused to acknowledge my cousin was mixed race and put it down to a bit of jaundice.

 

 

 

Fucking hell! Those stories are incredible. Almost the best story in the thread, the 'juggling bollocks jogging on the spot' dance just tipping the scales in favour of Cannibal Man.

Edited by Lorne Malvo
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My Nan reported the first black man she saw to the police.

 

Amazing.

 

In a similar thread once, someone made a post that I never forgot, and in fact, I think I cribbed it for something I wrote, where they said that their racist father once "gave the wrong directions to a black man."

 

I'm sure it's in this thread, which in rereading the first page alone, fully deserves its placement in Gold: https://ukff.com/topic/132665-racist-homophobic-offensive-things-your-family-has-said/

 

Yes, first page

 

 

As a child, I witnessed my Grandfather sending a black man the wrong way after he'd asked directions.

Edited by Astro Hollywood
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My Nan. I never really had time for her, and vice versa. She was a right wing bigot, but she gave me one of the funniest moments of my life. Never swore, hated it, hated crudeness, apart from one day, when she was about 85 I reckon.

Just me and her in her front room. Complete silence when out of the blue, completely from nowhere she just came out with: "That David Beckhams a bit of a pussy isn't he?"

Nearly died laughing.

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My family seem to be pretty normal in comparison to the stories told here. The only thing is the usual bit of casual racism from a grandparent.

We were at my girlfriends parents on Christmas Day watching the special episode of Eastenders. Her mum asked him if he usually watches it and he replied with "nah, too many blacks in it for my liking". But then again he's in his late 80's, he wears a tie with a polo shirt, hates the Welsh with a passion despite living there for most of his life and has said 'cunt' at the dinner table on more than one occasion so I can let it go. Plus his name is Tom Jones. He's a real champ.

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The Bad:

 

My grandparents: Don't get me wrong, to young me, they were absolutely ace, it was always a great time with them. It's anyone over the age of about 18 that they had problems with. They were "characters," which translates to "ornery, stubborn nutters who would feud with a lamppost for looking at them wrong". My grandad had extreme little-man syndrome, which meant until his early 80s he was still getting in everyone's faces — I remember him being annoyed at the size of the fish he'd been given at the chippy, so he didn't discuss it, he just lobbed it at the young lass behind the counter. They had a long running feud with the neighbours across the road, because they'd parked their car in the wrong place or something. My mama used to look out of the window all day long when they weren't at their caravan, waiting for "Lupton's" to do something. Anything. If one of them came out of the front door, she'd be like "Look! Lupton's! Ooh, what's she wearing? What a cunt, a jacket!"

 

It didn't end with this, but it climaxed in a street fight where my uncle sparked out Mr. Lupton, and then their dog which was set on him. Fucking nightmare. Carried on weakly for years after that, but mostly just my mama playing inverted Tetris with visitors cars, asking them to park inconveniently.

 

I'll also never forget at the tail end of me going to their caravan in Ingoldmells, by which point I could recognize the crazy — she made my grandad drive to the caravan park of some woman she was feuding with — I'm quite sure the woman didn't know there was a feud, but anyway... they pulled up, and she said "she's out". Didn't matter, she stuck her head out of the window and started yelling about what a cunt Mrs. Whateverhername was. I pointed out that she wasn't there, for all they knew she was back in Nottinghamshire, and Mama just said "I'm sure it'll get to her." Then we drove off.

 

The Good:

 

My Great Aunt Christine: I assume she's still alive, but I haven't seen her for years. She was just one of those people who propped up her entire side of the family. Didn't matter the situation, if you went round to her house, she'd have a cuppa on the brew, and an endless bowl of sweets (Roses/Quality Street/knockoffs from the market), and if you needed to (I never did, but plenty did) she'd put you up in her spare room, or the living room. Just a diamond of a person — everyone loved her. My mum saw her common-law husband nicking from Sainsburys, I always hoped it wasn't because they were having money troubles, and was instead just because nicking stuff is fun. He had a stroke, took him ten years to speak legibly again, and then he died about two months afterwards. They lived in pretty much the nastiest part of Nottingham, didn't matter, was a treat to go to her house (except on my birthday, which was a tradition that I could have happily moved to any other day).

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Veering slightly off topic now, but in the years following that thread I linked above, one of the moments we talked about has since found its way onto Youtube. So please enjoy Geoff Hurst casually referring to the 'nigger in the woodpile' while sat next to Garth Crooks.

 

It's the none sell that batters my head. As you say, the way he casually chucks it out there, almost as if 'it's just a turn of phrase'... Fucking astounding.

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My Nan reported the first black man she saw to the police.

Amazing.

 

In a similar thread once, someone made a post that I never forgot, and in fact, I think I cribbed it for something I wrote, where they said that their racist father once "gave the wrong directions to a black man."

 

I'm sure it's in this thread, which in rereading the first page alone, fully deserves its placement in Gold: https://ukff.com/topic/132665-racist-homophobic-offensive-things-your-family-has-said/

 

Yes, first page

As a child, I witnessed my Grandfather sending a black man the wrong way after he'd asked directions.

Yup, that was me. I'm sure I've posted that a few times in similiar threads over the last seven or eight years. I think in the thread you linked to up there, I mentioned my Dad not letting me watch Kenan & Kel when I was a kid.

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