Jump to content

WOOOR YOU LIKE Great and Woeful Relatives EH?


Gus Mears

Recommended Posts

  • Paid Members

The Bad:

My dad's mum & dad wouldn't have me, my bro and my mum in their house because my mum was a Catholic. "Grandad" fucking hated my mum. Tried to lay a punch on her supposedly too. Stories Mumzie tells me about Protestant and Catholic relationships in the 70s make them sound absolute nightmares. I have another "granny" but I haven't spoke or seen her since I was about 2. Unsurprisingly this was in the Larkhall area.

 

I went to a Protestant school, so I consider myself half and half.

Edited by bAzTNM#1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I need to know more about you cannibal man. I want to understand what a product of that environment is like - do you do it when one if your mates expresses an interest in something? Did you start doing it ironically and now can't stop, maybe?

 

Great story. None of my family is that entertaining unfortunately. Lovely people, for the most part. Even the ones that are a bit racist or whatever, generally have their heart in the right place, and I just ignore it as a generational thing.

 

That said, the amount of shit 'you look like a Muslim' jokes I had to endure when I first grew a beard was really fucking tedious (we're Indian, Hindu background).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

whenever he either asked for 'CHEESE ON' or heard somebody was having 'CHEESE ON' he'd stand up and do this bizarre ritualistic dance where he'd wave his arms about like he was cupping two sets of imaginary bollocks and a running on the spot type of thing and shout out load a variation of -

 

"WHOOOOHOOHOHOAAA FUCKIN' BIT OF CHEESE ON HEY LIKE A BIT OF FUCKIN' CHEESE ON DO YOU LAD"

 

 

Tears of laughter at this bit in particular, what the actual fuck?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have spent the last 7 Christmases with my girlfriend's family (luckily this year I am not).

 

The bad:

Her grand parents. What a pair of mean spirited racist bastards. I went there one christmas with brown shoes on and her grandmother said "I like your nigger brown shoes". My jaw just dropped in shock, my girlfriends in shame. They still use the phrase paki shop, hate polish people and are shocked if they see an asian person working somewhere else other than a newsagent. They sold their home to an asian couple and started ranting about how their house of 30 years will be ruined by an asian family. Well if it bothered you so much why fucking sell it too them. They also hate gay people. Her grandad complaining that gay people have stolen their language because gay should mean happy and that gay people have no right to be gay. We should only call them queers as they are odd. Nobody has told them yet that their only grandson is gay and he is in his late 30's.

They live in Rushden but are from Bedford. Going into Rushden is like being in the 80's, non white people confuse them. Being told they shouldn't use racist comments confuses them. It seems in that area if you can tolerate minorities you live in Bedford or Northampton, otherwise you live in Rushden or Irthlingborough.

Her grandad seems to dislike men who did not serve in the army. I didn't, my disability would not allow me to, but I wouldn't anyway so fuck off.

 

Her sister's boyfriend. He's just fucking weird and poncy. He's horrible to his girlfriend, he used to lock her in the flat if he went out so he would know where she was. Force her to go on skiing holidays despite it being dangerous for her due to her blood circulation problem. He's so up his own arse about coming from a wealthy family.

 

Her Mum. She won't let you open presents until after dinner. She bellowed at me for not eating the sprouts she cooked. I refused and said I don't want them, I told you I hate them so you didn't have to cook them.

 

The good

Her Dad is a bit funny, both mentaly and in a haha way.

Edited by westlondonmist
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I need to know more about you cannibal man. I want to understand what a product of that environment is like - do you do it when one if your mates expresses an interest in something? Did you start doing it ironically and now can't stop, maybe?

 

If somebody brings something up more than once or it becomes a sort of occasionally returning topic i'll end up going WOOOOR FUCKIN BIT OF THAT LADS but I had the awareness to generally stayed away from acting like that side of the family too much, luckily, though for ages on birthdays i'd tell people things like "birthday is it mate hey? must be nice that, lovely is it hey?" instead of the usual. The 'KWESH' thing genuinely did stick with me for years though. It never put me off it but every time I had a slice the pronunciation was in the back of my mind. I guess you never forget being forced fed an egg pie by a bouncer who's one bit of advice to you during your formative ages was

 

"WHO THE FUCK WANTS MATES? THEY'RE ALL ROBBING BASTARDS"

 

After an incident where his mate Andy, the same guy who once goaded me my brother and a cousins into a fist fight for a laugh that ended with them convincing us to tombstone one another in the garden, robbed some cassettes from him. That was the concept of mates done with after that for him.

 

I hadn't thought about most of what I wrote for years and the items down the kecks in particular until I was posting it but I did finally see everyone mentioned after about 7 or 8 years back in October and i've been thinking about all that behaviour and stuff loads so it's good to get them written down and remember a few of those things. Half of 'CHEESE ON's teeth have fallen out and the other one nearly broke my nephew's hands and reduced him to tears with a full on Yeboah of a volley during a quiet game of penalty shootouts despite repeated pleas to not 'blast' the footy so it was good to see things hadn't changed too much.

Edited by Cannibal Man
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Christ, WestLondon, that sounds woeful . How have you put up going to see them every year? Has nobody of the younger generations said anything to the grandparents?

I put up with it because I like my girlfriend. She admits she is embaressed by them. My family, I enjoy it but they don't, are not really into Christmas but my girlfriend loves it.

The younger people have tried but just stopped bothering because nothing changed. They're in their 80's and stubborn as fuck. They get away with it because they just hang around with other old people who accept it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

I guess you never forget being forced fed an egg pie by a bouncer who's one bit of advice to you during your formative ages was

 

"WHO THE FUCK WANTS MATES? THEY'RE ALL ROBBING BASTARDS"

 

After an incident where his mate Andy, the same guy who once goaded me my brother and a cousins into a fist fight for a laugh that ended with them convincing us to tombstone one another in the garden, robbed some cassettes from him. That was the concept of mates done with after that for him.

 

I hadn't thought about most of what I wrote for years and the items down the kecks in particular until I was posting it but I did finally see everyone mentioned after about 7 or 8 years back in October and i've been thinking about all that behaviour and stuff loads so it's good to get them written down and remember a few of those things. Half of 'CHEESE ON's teeth have fallen out and the other one nearly broke my nephew's hands and reduced him to tears with a full on Yeboah of a volley during a quiet game of penalty shootouts despite repeated pleas to not 'blast' the footy so it was good to see things hadn't changed too much.

It gets better. "Who the fuck wants mates".

Bloody hell, incredible.

Edited by Kaz Hayashi
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Paid Members

 I guess you never forget being forced fed an egg pie by a bouncer who's one bit of advice to you during your formative ages was

 

"WHO THE FUCK WANTS MATES? THEY'RE ALL ROBBING BASTARDS"

 

After an incident where his mate Andy, the same guy who once goaded me my brother and a cousins into a fist fight for a laugh that ended with them convincing us to tombstone one another in the garden, robbed some cassettes from him. That was the concept of mates done with after that for him.

 

 

Fucking hell, that's done for me. I've been awake since just before midnight, and in my delirious state, I can't handle that. You're a wonderful person, and you deserve all of the awards.

 

Westlondonmist — jesus, they all sound terrible. About their grandson, though, I feel it's best to let them find out on their own that their grandson is in his late 30s.

Edited by Sergio Mendacious
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...