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Post Of The Year 2016


air_raid

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Belter from Matrix in the kids at school thread here.  The "fiver lads?" bit killed me.

 

I dont event remember that Crap Schools thread, and I fucking started it!  That is a world class thread that.

 

Anyway, most of what I was coming in here to say, I already did in there, but there's since been one new entrant to the Eastholm Hall of Fame.

 

We've got murders and dealers in there, now, a prolific thief.

 

Ladies and gentlemen....I give you, Robert Marvell.

 

1896767704.jpg

 

If you're that way inclined, have a read of these beauties...

 

Burglar is caught by furious householder

 

Highlights include:

 

"He tackled Marvell causing them both to fall back through the back garden patio doors and on top of the burning embers of a bonfire outside".

 

"The burglar ran down the street leaving his heavily pregnant girlfriend, who was keeping watch outside, standing in the road."

 

Prolific Peterborough thief sentenced after 68th conviction

 

and his crowning achievement...

 

Peterborough poppy tin thief given maximum sentence as judge brands crime “as low as it gets”

 

"Describing Marvell as a “hopeless case”, he stated: “I wish my powers were greater, to be frank. If I had the ability to throw away the key I would."

 

"It is unknown how much money was in the poppy tin but last year the hotel had raised £36.85"

 

"Andy Cave, defending Marvell, said he had a lot of respect for the Poppy Appeal"

 

Incidentally, he was sentenced on Armistice Day of all things. Then there was this, an incident I personally witnessed...

 

Few years back, I used to frequent a really cheap and nasty gym, proper sweat and saw dust place only accessible by a staircase above a bookies and overflowing with eastern European roid monsters.  

 

He pops his head round the corner clutching two tubs of Holland and Barrett own brand protein powder. "Tenner lads? Tenner?". He was told in no uncertain terms by the manager who's broken English didn't appear to be hampered when it came to profanity, to 'disappear'.

 

He's persistent though our Rob, and walked into the gym approaching guys during their workout. "Tenner lads? Tenner?" As you can probably imagine, these boys weren't overly enamoured with having their workouts interrupted by a smack head peddling knocked off budget line protein powder and he was let's say, escorted from the building.

 

A few of the guys training stopped for a chat at the reception desk, and in one last valiant effort to flog on his ill gotten gains, Marvel reappeared at the door.  "Come on lads, tenner?".  The manager, somewhat irked by this point stood up in a threatening manner and Marvel legged it.  By legged it, i mean a proper Looney Tunes legged it where his legs appeared to run on the spot for a moment before he actually went anywhere and as he disappeared from view we heard an almighty crash as he fell down the stairs sounding as if he'd (ironically) smacked his head on every single step on the way down, honestly, it sounded like a fucking drum roll.

 

Anyway, I was on the treadmill during all this and had a perfect vantage point, so you can only imagine my amusement when some 10 minutes later, a battered Marvell, bleeding from his nose with visable head and facial wounds popped his head back round the corner and in a last ditch attempt to salvage something for his efforts, uttered through his busted lips and wobbly teeth..

 

"Fiver lads?".

 

That's not my favourite Robert Marvell story though.  My favourite, is this cracker right out of the Jay from Inbetweeners playbook which he came out with after he was remorselessly bullied after someone had spotted him getting dropped off for school in one of these...

 

skoda_105_l.jpg

"Nah, it's a porsche.  My dad had a skoda body kit fitted so it wouldnt get nicked".

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Vivid are filming more stuff with Sunny, though, so I imagine Chris Candildo and Bret Pussy Fart and Sean Michaels (the black dude who used to do porn in the 90s) will be waiting all dressed up in leather jackets and chaps cocks in hand for her next release.

 

 

Chris Candildo. One of the Body Dongers, I guess, with Tom Prickhard.

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