Mr.E Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Any divorce veterans knocking about? I think she's going to try to say I emotionally abused her which I would contest. There's been a bit on both sides, it's almost impossible not to argue without ticking a few of those boxes but it's never been Trevor and Mo and I have never consciously tried to carry out any form of emotional abuse, neither has she. Â Ayway, if it does pop up how do I react? Is it as bad as it sounds? Will it affect my access? I'd rather get it over and done with but won't accept being labelled as an abuser in any form. As an aside she did mention that the only way she could get financial assistance was if there was abuse in the relationship so it could be her crazy brain reinventing our relationship in a certain light. Â Wouldn't she need to try and prove it? Surly those suggestions would be waved off without some form of proof? (doctors reports/previous history of abuse etc) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 I'd have hoped so. It was all pretty amicable until i got into a new relationship then suddenly everything was an issue. Shame because she's a brill mumnbuy some of her actions and comments in front of our children have seriously let her down. Â The new relationship is amazing though. 7 years my junior and pretty much everything I'm looking for physically and emotionally in a partner. Plus, being in a rotten relationship was like having cheat codes to the new one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MungoChutney Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Danger, are you referring to access to your child(ren)? If so I would advise getting in touch with Families Need Fathers. They're a joint parenting charity and they have a wealth of experience in dealing with stuff like what you're describing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Yeah, the access really isn't an issue as of this point and even with her useless ex she was always very compromising so I'm not overly worried. I just don't want social services looking in to things if she tries to say i emotionally abused her. Not sure if something like that would reflect on my parenting rights? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MungoChutney Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 I'm not 100% on English law but if you definitely have parental rights, married and on the birth certificates (I think - Scotland differs here) then they can only be removed by a court. That would obviously require proof that you're an unfit parent of some sort. FNF would be a good place for better advice though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Mr two divorces here! Â Emotional distress is impossible to prove or disprove. Be warned though, courts tend to rule in favour of the primary care giver and in the society we live in, that's overwhelmingly the woman. Best thing you can do is try and be civil about it and never try to score points. Keep a diary of events should you think she is trying to score points. Last thing you want is to have to communicate via solicitors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathrey Posted September 20, 2016 Share Posted September 20, 2016 In regards to access to children firstly social services would want some proof of the emotional abuse, secondly (and what they would be more concerned about) is whether children were present/witness to it and if they were ever emotionally abused. Depending on the age of the child, that assessment is usually done with the child alone, so unless your ex was to 'prep' the child and they were able to act well enough to fool a trained adult wouldn't worry to much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Thanks guys. My mind just skips to worst case scenario all the time it's not something I think will be an issue but I feel a bit easier about things now. Â That said, fuck me I miss my kids. I have them every weekend and a couple of nights a week for two hours a time but not being in their everyday lives is slowly sinking me. When I'm not miserable for missing them I'm feeling guilty for being happy without them. It's getting to a point where I'm increasingly sad in their presence because I'm dreading them going back and then im even sadder when they've gone because I don't feel like I enjoyed them enough. Â They've a great mum but if anyone is open to a strangers on a train type of deal I'm willing to listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mikehoncho Posted September 24, 2016 Share Posted September 24, 2016 Mr two divorces here! Â Emotional distress is impossible to prove or disprove. Be warned though, courts tend to rule in favour of the primary care giver and in the society we live in, that's overwhelmingly the woman. Best thing you can do is try and be civil about it and never try to score points. Keep a diary of events should you think she is trying to score points. Last thing you want is to have to communicate via solicitors. Â Some brilliantly sound advice here; I'm the same as Houchen, but both previous didn't produce progeny. Â If it comes to solicitors being the only course of communication, then it'll get VERY expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted September 26, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted September 26, 2016 (edited) Well I'm shagging Gus met Sally girl again, albeit behind her boyfriends back. I don't care, he's a complete mong. It's just like that Edge and Lita angle from years ago, I'm going to start dying my hair blonde and wearing a leather trench coat around the house.  I'm just relieved we're actually friends again. Falling out with pretty much my best mate was the worst part of all of this. She said sorry, I said sorry and I feel like I can make a fresh start between this, getting a new job and moving to a place in Bath. Edited September 26, 2016 by Gus Mears Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.E Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Well I'm shagging Gus met Sally girl again, albeit behind her boyfriends back. I don't care, he's a complete mong. It's just like that Edge and Lita angle from years ago, I'm going to start dying my hair blonde and wearing a leather trench coat around the house.  I'm just relieved we're actually friends again. Falling out with pretty much my best mate was the worst part of all of this. She said sorry, I said sorry and I feel like I can make a fresh start between this, getting a new job and moving to a place in Bath. OK, whilst this isn't a jab at you Gus (as despite you knowing she has a boyfriend...its her job to stay faithful I suppose) but is it worth seeing somebody who willingly cheats on her current actual boyfriend? (if that makes sense)  Like, to me, that would make her generally not very trustworthy and if the end game is potentially to be together.....could you trust her not to cheat on you? or who's to say she isn't sleeping about more whilst she's seeing the pair of you?  Not the end of the world like, and to be honest if you're happy, then screw it, but thought it might be worth mentioning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Gus Mears Posted September 26, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted September 26, 2016 (edited) Nah, they are basically 'together' due to renting the same place at present and it's essentially a holding pattern until he fucks off. He's also been unfaithful to her for what it's worth and this was before it became what's basically an open relationship. Having known her for a decade or so, it's also definitely not the norm for her to go shagging about while going out with someone.  It's essentially just the friends with benefits thing that it started out at and we both know that's all it's ever likely to be at this point. I can live with that. I'm on a second date with someone tomorrow and I wouldn't be surprised if I do end up going out with them if it continues well, if that's the case, then this all gets knocked on the head anyway.  Apologies if the original post makes me sound like a twat. The Edge/Lita thing was meant to be glib and not accurate. Edited September 26, 2016 by Gus Mears Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.E Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Ah no worries, I didn't think you were, more info for you rather saying "you dirty..." hah. That's fair enough then I suppose, just do whatever makes you happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lenin Posted September 26, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted September 26, 2016 Nah, they are basically 'together' due to renting the same place at present and it's essentially a holding pattern until he fucks off. He's also been unfaithful to her for what it's worth and this was before it became what's basically an open relationship. Having known her for a decade or so, it's also definitely not the norm for her to go shagging about while going out with someone. Â It's essentially just the friends with benefits thing that it started out at and we both know that's all it's ever likely to be at this point. I can live with that. I'm on a second date with someone tomorrow and I wouldn't be surprised if I do end up going out with them if it continues well, if that's the case, then this all gets knocked on the head anyway. Â Apologies if the original post makes me sound like a twat. The Edge/Lita thing was meant to be glib and not accurate. I'd be somewhat disappointed if you didn't have the trench coat on. Always a grain of truth somewhere. Â Well done, things are working out well for you. Always good for a bit of light at the end of the tunnel in amongst the doom & gloom in here from time to time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uklaw Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 And on that note, my Bumble adventure continues. Have met two ladies. Went out with one twice and she sacked me off (I said sacked, you dirty guys). Â Met the other and we're going out again this Friday. We seem to get on better but you never know. Â The Zimbabwean is still ongoing. We'll meet up when she gets back from abroad and we get on as well. Â I actually have prospects, so let's see how I cock this all up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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