King Coconut Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 It's always worth asking if there's still a chance. If not, at least you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UK Kat Von D Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I'd say leave it. If she really is different from every other girl then you might just have a long story. No need to rush. There is always that one girl you go back to, if she's the one you are meant to be with just let it happen in its own time. Prove you can stay sober first, then one day it might all come together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator Onyx2 Posted January 16, 2016 Awards Moderator Share Posted January 16, 2016 FWIW, the women in my office definitely use Tinder for long-term relationships. One definitely has loooooong chats before a date comes up. My boss met her husband on there. Â So feel her out before you feel her up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted January 18, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted January 18, 2016 This is a bit odd. My wife and I have hardly slept together for two years. I don't mean sex, I mean it literally. She was pregnant and uncomfortable which led tome getting booted onto the sofa a lot and then after baby arrived I tried to do everything to avoid a repeat of her post natal depression so I slept with baby so I could do all the feeds and stuff. Then she got PND and ended up on pills and we had a couple of horrific experiences which quietly haunt us. Now everything is back close to normal but if we sleep in the same bed, we just have such terrible sleep. I don't really know what to do about it. Such a strange situation. Â I remember when I was a kid my Nan and Grandad had single beds. I always found it a bit weird but I'm worried it's the answer to our problem!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr.E Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 This is a bit odd. My wife and I have hardly slept together for two years. I don't mean sex, I mean it literally. She was pregnant and uncomfortable which led tome getting booted onto the sofa a lot and then after baby arrived I tried to do everything to avoid a repeat of her post natal depression so I slept with baby so I could do all the feeds and stuff. Then she got PND and ended up on pills and we had a couple of horrific experiences which quietly haunt us. Now everything is back close to normal but if we sleep in the same bed, we just have such terrible sleep. I don't really know what to do about it. Such a strange situation. Â I remember when I was a kid my Nan and Grandad had single beds. I always found it a bit weird but I'm worried it's the answer to our problem!! Â Is an option to get a bigger bed? (If you don't already have a crazy large bed) Â My wifes parents are the same, the mother sleeps in a different bed, which in my mind is crazy. I get how you can be uncomfortable and so on, but you're married, so surely you should be sleeping in the same bed? Don't get me wrong, it's great to have an odd night on your own in the bed, but its strange to me to not have Mrs.E there also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Linus Posted January 18, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted January 18, 2016 Double bed each, that's the dream, surely? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MungoChutney Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 The mum and dad of a girl I used to go out with slept in separate rooms but that's because he was an horrendous snorer. I'd say in this case you've both just adjusted to a different sleeping pattern and, like any sleep pattern, disturbing it can be detrimental to you getting a good night's kip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Surf Digby Posted January 18, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted January 18, 2016 Considering the number of poor sleeps I've had recently from my other half twitching, snorting and murmuring in her sleep, separate beds doesn't seem like a crazy idea. It doesn't help that she always feels three times colder than I do. Â My Grandparents had separate beds. Little matching bedside cupboards too, with a teasmaid on my Grandad's side, like a little guesthouse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Awards Moderator Onyx2 Posted January 18, 2016 Awards Moderator Share Posted January 18, 2016 It genuinely sounds like something worth having therapy about, not because it's threatening to split you up but the way you describe it implies a tension between you that's triggered (relived?) when you share a bed. Talking with a professional about it would be extremely cathartic for both of you. Â Sleeping apart is more common in couples than is reported. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted January 18, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted January 18, 2016 Double bed each, that's the dream, surely? Only if you can get Bunk double beds! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Chest Rockwell Posted January 18, 2016 Moderators Share Posted January 18, 2016 I'd agree with Onyx that it is probably linked the the psychological stuff that might be worth getting out in the open. But I would very consciously decouple that from any ideas you have about it being weird for you not to share a bed, because it's really common and it doesn't necessarily mean anything about your relationship. Â It's really common in Europe. I've stayed in towns in Germany where they literally didn't understand what a double bed was. And even where couples do share the bed, they have separate duvets. Â Tbh from the point of view of having a decent night's sleep it probably makes more sense. Â I always used to sleep horribly if I had to share my bed (like, one night stands or casual occasional fuck buddy type things - I never really had any serious relationships before I met my wife). It took me a while to get used to it. And even now when she goes away, I love it for the first couple nights because I sleep really well. And then I start to miss her in the bed by the third night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members tiger_rick Posted January 18, 2016 Paid Members Share Posted January 18, 2016 I'm sure if we just pushed through it, it'd become normal again. It's just each night when faced with the option of having a good night's sleep or facing tomorrow with kids to look after and jobs to do while tired - it's easier to make the wrong decision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Pitcos Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I'm not sure how old you are, but anecdotally, it seems really common for people of my age (32) and younger with kids to dump them on the grandparents an absurd amount. Could you not do that for a few days and see if that makes it any easier to sync up? Â You didn't mention if you discuss the situation with the wife, if you don't, that would probably be beneficial to do soonish -- if it's playing on your mind now, it'll fester if left unmentioned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Coconut Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 My girlfriend's German and she pretty much insisted on sleeping alone as soon as she could get away with it. I snore like a motherfucker and we still have a great sex-life so I've got absolutely no problem with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glenryck Pilchards Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I read a study recently which said that the human body is not designed to share a bed with a partner, still the wife takes offence if I sleep in the spare bed.  Maybe the answer is to get a hotel Queen bed which can be zipped apart to create two single beds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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