Post of the Year 2010 Now Online

[King Pitcos]

I'll second it, Pritt. Waterboy, you're too self-critical, it was good.

[Ronnie]

No.

 

I thought it was great, did you not get it?

I think that there's every chance that he didn't, because I was going to respond to it the same way that he did. Being a risk-averse sort I read it over, oh, a dozen times, then finally got it. Very dry.

[Wideload]

As above, it took me a minute to get it too. I liked.

[seph]

An even bigger thanks to those of you who have emailed a Scouser with your address and a note to say when you won't be home. It really is like Christmas for me now.

[Devon Malcolm]

Nobody nominated this yet?

 

 

Love

 

Not on TV, and I can cherry pick the diamonds from the dogshit for my own enjoyment.

 

 

Hate

 

Daft - You're on first, you've got 7 matches, and 3 hours of wrestling coming after you. Why not warm them up? Why not use a 900000000 degree double salto into a brainbuster? That'll warm the crowd up!

 

Lazy Eyes Right, you fancy doing a stilted promo? Brilliant, in that case delegate your eyes in between looking 90 degrees, followed by an awkward glance at the hard cam. Do this every 30 seconds. Do you know what makes a great promo as well? Swearing, and acting the cock.

 

Paul Orndorff - Piledrivers are for girls, everyone should kick out of them before being pinned by a fucking clothesline like they are one of Tito Santana's team at Survivor Series '90. The more people fall on their head, the MORE REAL IT IS! And also, why not do a Double Underhook Tombstone? After all, if your finsher is pointlessly flashy and involves a dangerous risky head drop it's a great finisher, but we don't like unprotected chair shots yet that isn't hypocrisy, it's because wrestling is a SPORT! Only it's a sport where someone can get dumped on their spud and no-sell it then win with a clothesline or a really unconvincing Kimura. That's for dickheads, not like a sloppy DVD. That's Workrate.

 

Ignorance Worse Than Mine - I've read on this board that Rcihards/Black is the Flair vs Steamboat (Which wasn't a match, it was a fucking feud going back to the late '70's in Mid-Atlantic, and also, if you base it on one of their '89 trilogy tussles at random it still doesn't measure up) of our generation. WHat an ignorant statement. Flair vs Steamboat was built on 11 years (approx) of not getting on according to the developments of the characters involved. For example, Steambaot went from stud, to family man. Flair smashing Steamboats face on the floor in Mid-Atlantic. Eddie Gilbert bringing him back, and Steamer telling him to get out of the Sandbox, if he wishes to "play". Over a decade of one upmanship, brought to the fore, and they've wrestled each other so many times they have to try and catch the other off-guard. It's called context, it's called Wrestling. Also, it's worth considering Ric Flairs submission to a double chicken wing on the clash, and how important a Flair submission on TBS was, also their complementary styles. Two sellers, going 60 minutes, grabbing for life. Whereas comparing Richards vs Black?

 

Davey Richards did his normal "I'm Benoit, only I'm not intense", and Tyler Black did his usual "Not great, me". And that's our Flair and Steamboat? Where's the story? Where's the reason? What bollocks. And for all Indie diehards claim to be wrestling connoisseurs, then they'd understand why Black vs Richards doesn't even come near Bagwell vs Barabarian. It's not gymastics, it's wrestling, there's story and context, and that's why the '89 Flair vs Steamboat feud was so good. Something the ignorant need to learn. Wrestling is telling a story, not an exhibition of how can look better and get their stupid shit in, and do that "Japanese" style which even as someone who's not a big fan of puro I can see through it as just cock waving.

[Loki]

Seconded. Butch watches it so we don't have to.

[martyngnr]

Make that a third for Butch. Great stuff.

[tiger_rick]

I thought Seven would have nominated it. Anyway, seconded, it's ace.

[Green]

I'll fourth Butch's post...or is it fifth by now?

[gmoney]

That's them fucking Catholics, isn't it, PITCOS?

 

Seriously though, how can you expect a group of people with a large Irish Catholic sympathy (if not always actual roots) not to be opposed to lionising the British troops who murdered and interred their families and friends?

I don't expect them to do anything else, that's why I mock 'em. They're fuckwits obsessed with violence that happened years before they were born to people they've never met -- and even more than that, they're so brainwashed and stupid that they turn a blind eye to all the bad things their "side" did. They're not very opposed to lionising the Irish terrorists who murdered and interred English lads and protestants who had families and friend, are they/you, Kenny?

 

It's not about being Catholic (despite someone's martyr complex), because exactly the same kind of bell-ends exist on the Rangers-friendly end of the spectrum as well. It's about being thick cunts clinging onto stupid, old, pointless grudges because they've got sod-all else to care about. There are plenty of decent Catholics in the world. But you can spot one who's a total mindless wanker if they answer "yes" to the question "Do you hate protestants?"

 

Hear, hear

[HarmonicGenerator]

From 'UKFF's 50 Favourite Footballers', because it's Brian Fucking Deane (but also because it's a good post).

He's died. I'll finish off the list.

 

1. Brian Deane

 

 

Stats

 

Club appearances 654 Goals 195

International appearances 3 Goals 0

 

Clearly the UKFF's favourite footballer. Brian Deane scored the first goal in the history of the Premier League during Sheffield United's comfortable victory over Manchester United in August 1992. Later, he casually slotted in a penalty, making Peter Schmeichel's nose even redder in the process. Schmeichel - usually the most vocal of goalkeepers - stood silently, in awe of the magnificence of the Blades striker. He later went on to say that Deane was clearly his toughest foe. It's rumoured Alex Ferguson immediately tried to sign Deane saying 'He shits on Brian McClair'. Dave Bassett was willing to do a deal and even offered to throw in a second-hand Vauxhall Nova but Big Brian told him to 'Fuck off'.

 

Deane was not as prolific for England as he was at club level, but this was primarily due to the long ball tactics of Graham Taylor, which didn't suit the mercurial Yorkshireman, whose incomparable control and vision was largely wasted by the national team. They picked Les Ferdinand - a poor man's Deane - instead. It's also suggested Deane was reluctant to play in any team that included Carlton Palmer.

 

Brian Deane left Sheffield United to play for Leeds, making him the only non-cunt player in the club's history. He also played for West Ham, but it was before that Tevez business, so it's OK. He also played for Benfica. He really did.

 

Player's quote

 

"A horse once pissed me off, so I sparked it out with a headbutt because I'm Brian Deane" - Brian Christopher Deane

 

UKFF quote

 

"My wife calls me 'Brian' sometimes when we are having sex. At first she claimed it was simply an accident, but she later admitted she was thinking of Brian Deane. I don't really mind because he's Brian Deane."

 

Other quotes

 

"When I was a kid, I really wanted to play for Sheffield United. Mainly because of Brian Deane. Didn't happen in the end." - Ronaldo

 

So now you know.

 

/thread

[Frankie Crisp]

Seconded. Belting stuff from one of the forum's finest.

[Devon Malcolm]

Seconded gmoney's last post. And from the same thread, and the same poster, this is subtle and brilliant:-

 

You know nothing about me. I already said that I am quite prepared and happy to honour those who died in the World Wars. Also, given the bit of education I got in this thread, I'm less certain about my attitude to the Falklands. To call me an IRA sympathiser is fucking bullshit though. I've never supported a lot of the IRA's tactics and I've walked out of a couple of "Irish" pubs during Celtic games when certain songs started being sung.

Fair enough. I apologise for misconstruing your stance on some things, but I do indeed enjoy indulging in the old grotesque parodies and stereotypes. Mea culpa. Which songs drove you out of the pubs, out of interest?

 

But I'm not a fucking idiot either.

Now now.

 

And no, I don't hate protestants. I have plenty of friends of a variety of faiths and I'm going out with a hardened atheist.

What does he make of all this poppy bollocks?

[The Cum Doctor]

The last few comments remind me of THIS

 

 

Dangerously420 reminds me of this...

 

 

 

I thought this was superb.

[HarmonicGenerator]

'What's the worst date you've ever been on' is full of great/hilarious/horrifying stories, but this one stood out.

 

mattbro1984 just reminded me of a horrific incident with my ex (were still mates but this story is fucked) after a date with a couple she knew.

 

We were at her mates in the spare bedroom and things got a bit frisky and she was starting to jack me off but she pulled down WAYYYYY to hard accidently, I felt some substance running down my legs. BLOOD.. BLOOD.... BLOOD.. MORE BLOOD... luckily no bits of sick. I run to the toilet across her mates wooden floor (leaving a trail of cock blood) and into the toilet which was the size of a cupboard. I've been grasping and holding the end of my lad at this point and decided to let go to get some bog roll to stop the flow. I let my hand go and a massive sexxy eddy style shot of blood flies off and hits the wall, in my shock I do a full turn to the toilet, firing along at the wall as I turn. Because my missus got me so damn hard the blood flow was naturally not planning on stopping. I ended making the bathroom look like the pig scene from Carrie.

 

It doesn't end there, I was still bleeding and was in work in about 6 hours so I needed some sleep somehow. What was my grand idea to stop this bloodflow while I slept. ELASTOPLAST, fucking genius is me. Anyway I crown my lad with about 6 or 7 plasters around the circumfrence of the old boy and somehow got some sleep while my concerned missus apologised over and over. I walked home like John Wayne being the receiver and sneaked upstairs to the toilet to remove the plasters and see the damage. Ever tried ripping plasters off your Johnny B. Goode? No.... sure, it fucking kills. I slowly pulled the epic pain away and to my horror my now flacid little fella was bleeding again. I did the only thing a then 21 year old would do. "Mum.... Mum" I shouted like a total fucking arse. I briefed my ma, she came in, looked the wounded right in the eye and suggested maybe you should go hospital, just in case. I went on the bus (speed humps are a bitch) and walked into the hospital.

 

I had to tell the woman on reception without a fucking hint of shame or irony what I did. She didn't laugh (she must get dicks literally like this all the time). The sheet I had to give to the nurse said and I quote "Reason for Visitation: Problems with Penis". Beautiful. Anyway I go and the nurse tells me to to get changed in the surgical gown. While I'm lying there taking in the last several unfortunate hours this heffa of a nurse walks in with surgical gloves on. OH GOD, OH JESUS CHRIST, like Woodward in the Whickerman, I think to myself, pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee do not get a lob on when she starts checking out the damaged goods pleaseeee don't. Luckily she didn't get the worlds most unpleasant money shot, wrapped the old war hero in athletic dressing and I got the week off because I couldn't bend down or walk. Still my boss at work is mates with my mum, and she only actually told him what I did rather than make some excuse. Work was embarassing next monday, and my ex learnt how to masturbate with a bit more care. And Norman Bates was right. A boys best friend is his fucking mother.