Mental health

[Tamura]

11 minutes ago, SuperBacon said:

I know it sometimes seems as they are an extension of HR, but once when I was referred to occupational health they were a massive help. They were really influential in me bring fast tracked to a years psycho therapy, I'd been on a waiting list for ages until I'd spoken to them. This was 15 years ago, and I'm sure things have changed, but it was very helpful.

Good luck mate.

Thanks. Spoke to the main union guy this week as I wanted a bit of privacy compared to the in-store union reps, who I'm hoping to be working with on days. I asked him if I should be totally honest about my mental health situation with occupational health, he says tell them everything. Once I do that, I really don't see how they can possibly contemplate putting me back onto nights.

[deathrey]

1 hour ago, I Bent My Wookie said:

Finally got myself put forward for a referral for ADHD after a year or so of putting the idea off. Think the idea I can potentially nip away the more frustrating parts of my brain with a diagnosis and medication/therapy just has me feeling a lot more positive about everything. 

This is something I really need to do, the older I'm getting and the more I've got to juggle (perimenopause is notorious for ADHD meltdowns) I'm starting to realise that I could really benefit from being medicated. I'm struggling to go and see my GP about it though because a) ADHD and b) there is a real stigma around it being trendy for perimenopausal women wanting to get diagnosed and it makes me feel like I'm just going to be fobbed off and I mentally don't have the fight. I spend a lot of time fighting for support and services for my autistic son, I don't have the energy to take on another fight.

[BigJag]

On 1/28/2026 at 9:27 AM, BigJag said:

Great advice. There are exactly those type of  places nearby. Unfortunately, the issue is getting him to commit. He does go for walks himself. That aspect definitely needs to be built upon.

I have noticed that he sleeps a lot. And at odd times. He blames this on his mother and her erratic behaviour.

Update on this situation. 

Sadly he is NOT doing what he needs to. Reduce alcohol intake! Look after his physical wellbeing. All things that he is NOT addressing.

The Dr has given him a very ominous diagnosis. According to his report of what the Dr said. He has a 20% chance to survive beyond 3 months. He has severe Liver damage. He has then contradicted this report by claiming a stage B Liver diagnosis. My research suggests that this can be stabilised and somewhat recovered. It would require him to take the matter seriously and put in the effort to change his ways. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to help himself.

His tone is dismissive and his actions self destructive. He's had all the best advice. Just doesn't give a fuck. All he wants to do is drink. The absolute worst thing for his health.

 

[theironshake]

This last 12 months have honestly been the worst of my life. In January my best friend and house mate lost his battle with Leukemia we had been best mates since the age of 6 and at 45 It just destroyed me. At the same time my dad has late stage Alzheimer's and has been in hospital for the last 5 weeks and was critical last week. I've been diagnosed as type 2 diabetes and am losing weight to get rid of it (and that is working) then yesterday I found footage of my girlfriend kissing another man outside the pub that I run (someone saw them and I have CCTV) but I'm too week and scared to do anything about it. I honestly feel like nothing is going the right way and don't know what to do. I know this probably isn't the place to put all this. But I just feel like there is no hope. Sorry I should have wrote this but I'm really not doing well

[DavidB6937]

30 minutes ago, theironshake said:

This last 12 months have honestly been the worst of my life. In January my best friend and house mate lost his battle with Leukemia we had been best mates since the age of 6 and at 45 It just destroyed me. At the same time my dad has late stage Alzheimer's and has been in hospital for the last 5 weeks and was critical last week. I've been diagnosed as type 2 diabetes and am losing weight to get rid of it (and that is working) then yesterday I found footage of my girlfriend kissing another man outside the pub that I run (someone saw them and I have CCTV) but I'm too week and scared to do anything about it. I honestly feel like nothing is going the right way and don't know what to do. I know this probably isn't the place to put all this. But I just feel like there is no hope. Sorry I should have wrote this but I'm really not doing well

That is so much to unpack and so many things for one person to go through so I'm really sorry to hear that.

The only thing I can truly say is that there is always hope. Even in your darkest times and the most difficult of days there is always a tomorrow. Just keep doing what you're doing. One day at a time. Process one thing at a time. Allow yourself whatever you need to get through it all. The most important thing is that you wake up every day and you choose life. That's the hardest part done.

[BigJag]

@theironshake good luck with the health goal. Being healthy will make the other issues easier to deal with. A positive goal focus on will be good for you.

[simonworden]

A few weeks ago I got a bit butt hurt with some feedback about my typos (neither is really that new an occurrence) and decided to check if it was linked to my old Dyspraxia diagnosis from when I was 10. 

This has opened up a massive can of worms as back in the 90s Dyspraxia/DCD was considered basically medically clumsy but since then there's been huge research on how it affects so much more including the way people think, speak, collect thoughts, memory etc and is a type of neurodivergence. 

I've been managing my whole life and just accepted it but reading through the literature and thinking back has brought up a lot of trauma and upset from the past I'd bottled up where quite frankly had I known I would t have taken the blame so much or at least I could explain myself. 

I actually don't really know what to do about it next. I feel like my eyes have been opened but with that, I'm almost less ambitious. Like I'm looking for maybe a new career path and there's so many things I just won't consider anymore. I can't really explain it to be honest (part of the problem!) it's helped to know but hurt my confidence and I don't really know how to handle all this new info about my condition moving forward. 

I appreciate this is the UKFF and not a doctor's office but just wanted to share somewhere I feel reasonably comfortable. 

[DCW]

After waiting 3 months for an appointment with a psychologist in the community and then and lots of different tests and interviews with them, I have been given a diagnosis of complex PTSD largely down to incidents in my childhood. I'd not really heard of it before outside of it being a trope in war movies etc, but the way it was explained to me it makes a lot of sense. We are now going to see which therapy might be the best for me, the two the psychologist has in mind is schema therapy or EMDR. It feels good to at least have a reason for how I've been feeling all these years. I am still on a rake of medications for depression, anxiety and sleep but hopefully I will eventually be able to reduce them at the very least.

[DavidB6937]

22 minutes ago, DCW said:

After waiting 3 months for an appointment with a psychologist in the community and then and lots of different tests and interviews with them, I have been given a diagnosis of complex PTSD largely down to incidents in my childhood. I'd not really heard of it before outside of it being a trope in war movies etc, but the way it was explained to me it makes a lot of sense. We are now going to see which therapy might be the best for me, the two the psychologist has in mind is schema therapy or EMDR. It feels good to at least have a reason for how I've been feeling all these years. I am still on a rake of medications for depression, anxiety and sleep but hopefully I will eventually be able to reduce them at the very least.

PTSD is massively misunderstood in general by society and yeah most people have the typical war understanding of it. But as you say, it can all fall into place when actually examined in context. Sounds like you've definitely taken a positive step towards a better future 🙂

[lars85]

Don't know if this is the right place for this, apologies if not. But I lost my dad yesterday and I don't know how to handle it. 

I don't know if I've fully processed it. But it still doesn't seem real. Like, I know it is. But there's still a part of my brain saying "No, someone's made a mistake. He's going to call soon and explain the mix-up". But i know that really, that's not going to happen. 

I don't know what to do. I feel lost. He was always the one who picked me up when I was down. And now he's gone, just like that. What am I supposed to do?

[johnnyboy]

I'm sorry for your loss.  Sounds a bit trite, but be kind to yourself and give yourself some time.  I think feeling lost is a normal part of the grief.  I've linked to a page of resources below that might be useful to look through if you want/need some practical things to look at or someone at the end of a helpline to talk to.

 

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/bereavement/support-and-self-care/

[Frankie Crisp]

I’m so very sorry to read of your Dad’s passing.

You’re most likely in shock based on your post. There’s no handbook on how to navigate it and you’ll feel absolutely helpless and lost in waves, then you’ll go into survival mode as you navigate your way through the arrangements and coming days and weeks.

It’s healthy to let your emotions out and try not to bottle it in for the sake of others, so please try to remind yourself that you’re okay to be vulnerable.

You’ll find it difficult when arranging the funeral but I would recommend letting the directors take the lead if it takes some of the admin away.

And in these immediate days I’d recommend going for walks, as daft and obvious as it may sound. Being cooped up at home or only focusing on the arrangements can be very distressing, so a walk - even if just for 30 mins each day - may help balance your mind a touch. I’d also recommend downloading the Hub of Hope app as it’s an incredible resource that you can use any time.

Don’t worry about replying to this and importantly don’t feel obliged to respond to every message you get. It can be extremely overwhelming and whilst people are wanting to be there for you, they’ll understand if you can’t get back to them.

Feel free to drop us a message if you’d like to chat but above all else, try to give yourself time each day to process what’s happened.

Take care.

[DavidB6937]

37 minutes ago, lars85 said:

Don't know if this is the right place for this, apologies if not. But I lost my dad yesterday and I don't know how to handle it. 

I don't know if I've fully processed it. But it still doesn't seem real. Like, I know it is. But there's still a part of my brain saying "No, someone's made a mistake. He's going to call soon and explain the mix-up". But i know that really, that's not going to happen. 

I don't know what to do. I feel lost. He was always the one who picked me up when I was down. And now he's gone, just like that. What am I supposed to do?

I lost my dad in 2009 and I still get some of those feelings. That's not meant to be a scary thing but just validating that how you're feeling is entirely normal and understandable.

Time is a healer supposedly. I prefer to think of time giving you the chance to adapt and rebuild around the loss. You'll never be who you were before. You'll always carry it but that's okay. The love. The memories. All of it. And in time they become slightly less painful to remember and think about. The photos. The videos etc.

It's going to be a lot to process so all I can say is take one day at a time. One hour at a time if you have to. But do give yourself the time and the space to properly process it. Grief can't just be pushed down and ignored with the hope it goes away. It wont. It'll just come back stronger and more difficult.

Also remember that there's no right or wrong way to be thinking and feeling. You and your emotions are completely valid no matter what anyone else may think or feel about the same thing so allow you to do you.

I'm really sorry for your loss and I hope you reach out to us or any organisations if you feel you need additional support. Take care of yourself as best you can.

[BigJag]

@lars85 best wishes to you and yours. I found solace in talking with and hearing stories about my dad from the people that came to pay their respects. I'm fortunate enough to have a strong family structure around me and my family. This includes friends and neighbours. At a time like you are experiencing, that structure is massively helpful.

You should absolutely take some time for yourself. It is important. Please ensure that you let someone you trust know that you are just taking a bit of time to collect your thoughts.

[theironshake]

So since my last post I managed to get the balls and send her the CCTV of her snogging the man outside my business. She is now taking action for a data breach and I could lose my alcohol licence and be massively fined. Seriously she cheats I catch her and I could get done for it. I'm glad I got rid of her but on top of everything I find she is a massive arsehole. And possibly a narcissist