Mental health

[CavemanLynn]

14 minutes ago, King Mal the Glorious said:

After years of "just getting on with it", I finally had a consultation with a GP about my mental health this morning. Spent a solid hour talking about my moods, behaviour, history etc etc. Initial suspicion is type 2 bipolar, but that won't be confirmed until further down the line. Been referred to a specialist and have a follow up in a couple of weeks.

Glad I've finally taken this step, should have done it years ago but I've always thought "it's not that bad" even though it's very obviously affecting my day to day life, relationships, physical health and more.

Better late than never eh?

Well done!

I've had various family members, including my wife, advise me to see a therapist. In the last few years, I've tried to laugh off my changes in attitude to getting old enough to stop giving a fxxx, but it's more likely that years of bottling things up actually means my tether is on a knife edge. It doesn't feel like mood swings as such, but a lot of small factors and big events including grievances and family politics appear to have built up to the point that it's not just "a bad day" anymore.

One thing that I'm kind of afraid of is that I know if I start going, I'll be looking for a solution, therefore might start falsely attributing things as causes or results. Of course it's the therapist's skill to help you filter out those things and get to the actual crux of the issues, but I'm still wary of chasing shadows.

Edited February 10 by CavemanLynn

[SuperBacon]

I cannot tell you all just how instrumental for me seeing a psychotherapist was for a year. Probably saved my life and the reason I'm still here today. I owe so much to Mike my therapist.

I would love everyone to have the opportunity to havd this, however everyone's story is different and what works for me may not work for you.

And I would encourage everyone struggling to remember that (because it can be frustrating to see others doing well with certain things when you're not, its natural) and also that it's a constant situation that is always changing. How I cope and what I use (or more importantly don't use) changes all the time (not drastically) but I'm alwsys figuring out what works and what doesn't etc.

Keep fighting the good fight brothers and sisters x

[gmoney]

24 minutes ago, CavemanLynn said:

I've had various family members, including my wife, advise me to see a therapist.

Reminds me of the Sean Lock joke. "For my birthday this year my family clubbed together to get me psychiatry sessions. I was really pissed off. I wanted a crossbow. 

[DavidB6937]

1 hour ago, King Mal the Glorious said:

Better late than never eh?

Clichéd but it really really is.

Struggles with mental health are rarely obvious when you're younger unless there's major issues and there are so many things that only ever click into place once you're an adult and become a little more self aware.

Once you're armed with the knowledge and understanding things can make a lot more sense and allow you to make more informed decisions about help.

Of course there's the flipside where there's a lot more stubbornness in adults and very much "I am how I am" attitudes a lot of the time, so it's not an easy choice at all to pick up therapy or similar, so that first step is something anyone should be immensely proud of.

Just don't focus too much on the "should have done it years ago" aspect. You've taken this step now for a reason. You really have to be in the right headspace to do it, and while hindsight is great, past you wouldn't have necessarily engaged with the process successfully anyway.

My main advice is always to go in with an open mind, which it sounds like you're doing. It's very much a "here I am, here's where I'm at, what can we do?". No little piece of information or recollection is unimportant or irrelevant. Your entire life shapes who you are and why you are how you are. 

I really hope it continues to be positive. Be kind to yourself - you've taken a massive step forward. Allow yourself the small victories even if they may not seem like much.

 

[organizedkaos]

1 hour ago, CavemanLynn said:

One thing that I'm kind of afraid of is that I know if I start going, I'll be looking for a solution, therefore might start falsely attributing things as causes or results. Of course it's the therapist's skill to help you filter out those things and get to the actual crux of the issues, but I'm still wary of chasing shadows.

I think one of the key things to the theraputic process is the process of reflection and analysis and then how your brain starts to internalise that within your general thoughts.

There's a few things in my psyche that push me to unhelpful behaviours and when you discuss a speciifc thing one week you'll absolute then view things through the lens of that particular issue for a bit. It's very "when you're a hammer everything looks like a nail" but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing (different issues and different people may vary). I think one of the greater benefits of therapy is not so much the understanding of "Why do I do this" it's breaking things down into individual moments caused by forces that don't neccesarily represent you as a whole. You start to catch yourself doing something unhelpful, reflect on why that might be and if you still want to do it.  Treating things you do as learned rather than innate makes them feel much easier to adjust.

The more the reflection and consideration becomes an innate reflex the easier it is to either push against the behaviour or simply to see it as a temporary state. If you started vomiting after lunch it's certainly helpful to know what you ate/did that might have caused it. However by reflecting on the vomiting as state bought on by some external force you are less likely you are to assume that your life will forever now be vomitting, that  you cannot ever stop vomitting, you are just a person who is forever sick and what's the point because life will be forever vomit

Causes are great but it's not really about some lightbulb "i had this experience and that is why i'm anxious/depressed/etc". The process of reflection and analysis along with identifying behaviours as something you have control of is what really started to help me. Knowing how you got poisoned can be helpful but doesn't make you not poisoned, it just might offer some extra information on getting the poison out (or... to show how flawed these analogies are.. learning to live with the poison and control it)

 

[DavidB6937]

1 hour ago, CavemanLynn said:

One thing that I'm kind of afraid of is that I know if I start going, I'll be looking for a solution, therefore might start falsely attributing things as causes or results. Of course it's the therapist's skill to help you filter out those things and get to the actual crux of the issues, but I'm still wary of chasing shadows.

And that's why it's important for anyone to engage with therapy with complete transparency and honesty. If someone isn't willing to do that and trust the process and their therapist then it's a waste of everyone's time. You're not there to provide answers or reasons because if you already had them, you wouldn't be there. It's very much an opportunity to open up, discuss things genuinely, and allow the therapist to guide you with the correct information - but this massively relies on what you choose to share, and you have to be aware of the damage being selective with that information could have on the overall process. Leaving out a few bits of potentially useful information can really lead you down the wrong, or at least a less helpful, path.

[The Gaffer]

1 hour ago, DavidB6937 said:

Just don't focus too much on the "should have done it years ago" aspect.

Aye. A good reframing of this is that whatever you did for all those years worked on some level because you're still here. 

For all the mess the world is in, it does seem much more roundly understood in almost all circles now that it's perfectly fine to have your coming of age again story whenever you want it. People are finding out what they're all about and starting to live at all sorts of ages. It's great. 

[Lorne Malvo]

18 hours ago, CavemanLynn said:

 

I've had various family members, including my wife, advise me to see a therapist. In the last few years, I've tried to laugh off my changes in attitude to getting old enough to stop giving a fxxx, but it's more likely that years of bottling things up actually means my tether is on a knife edge.

This is similar to my situation. 

Growing up I was always somewhat of a shy/introverted sort until you got to know me, at which point I'd talk your ear off. I was also painfully obsessed with what other people thought of me and would often model myself on people in films/TV in order to come across cooler - tragic, I know. But I also hated any confrontation/conflict and would actively bite my tongue/keep my head down even in moments I should've stood up for myself.

In the past 10 years, but certainly moreso in the past 5 years, this has changed and I have had that feeling of 'I don't give a fuck anymore', and while I certainly don't go looking for trouble, if anyone is acting the knobhead around me I'll have a word*. It's at the point now though where it can lead to some dangerous situations - after AEW in Manchester there were two lads at the bus station playing arseholes and instead of keeping my mouth shut I had to say something, which lead to a knife getting pulled on me.

I told a friend about this and a few other similar situations and I put it down to me having a newfound boost of confidence now I don't have that obsession with what others think of me. But he said it is much more likely that I'm like Michael Douglas in Falling Down and that I have been keeping things bottled up so much for so long, that it's now spilling out in potentially dangerous ways, and that I should probably get some help before I do anything stupid/hurt myself etc.

It's gave me a lot to think about to be honest. 

*please don't read this as me trying to look hard, I'm not and would get my head kicked in if anything ever turned physical.

[DavidB6937]

@Lorne Malvo I had a similar situation many years ago on a bus with a group of like 10 guys who were being noisy and rude and I said something as I was passing them on the way off. They then decided to get off the bus and follow me, shouting various things.

I definitely knew once I got home that day that I couldn't carry on like that. It was a mix of things but the primary thing at the time was that I just didn't care what happened to me and so any consequences just didn't enter my head.

Obviously if there was any real danger/issues/etc then I like to think I'd still step in but I'm a little more sensible in my decision making these days.

[lars85]

8 hours ago, Ralphy said:

Anyone else considered colouring in books to help with anxiety?

Funny you should mention that. I've been in hospital for the last 12 days. Not been able to go anywhere. The last few days I've been in a side room by myself. 

I don't deal with being trapped inside at the best of times. But at least then I can go for a drive and get some air on my face.

Sleeping has been hard. And my anxiety has been playing up. My mum brought me in a colouring book and it has helped. I think it's something to keep the mind distracted and focused. I also spent most of the morning filling a side of card with squiggly shapes. That really helped.

 

Edited March 15 by lars85
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[DavidB6937]

11 minutes ago, Ralphy said:

Hi, in need of tips and advice please about grieving 

A few hours ago, I received word that one of my childhood best friends from the very few I had passed away from a heart attack late last year

It has completely floored me, Ive had not so close friends pas and that still stung badly

A thing that makes it tough for me is he got me in to wrestling back in 1990, and we both still adored it even though we are both in our early fortys. We both have the same name and is the son of one of my mum's friends. 

We never lost contact but we didn't talk as much as adults, my brain hurts and it's not sunk in at all

If you have a friend you want to talk to but maybe don't feel like bothering them or something then please, send that message 

Every single person will grieve in their own individual way.

The only thing I can really recommend is not avoiding feelings. Don't push it down. Let it take its time and develop in its own natural way and it'll hit you when it hits you.

Also don't be scared to get grief counselling if you find yourself really struggling and not sure how to process it all etc, because it's really useful to put things into perspective and talk to a professional who will have heard a million different things that people have been through. Less judgement/confusion than you may get elsewhere and more understanding.

Keep yourself distracted as you also don't want to sit in it 24-7 and completely overwhelm yourself so try and keep busy but do make sure you allow yourself to properly process it at some points too.

[DCW]

I'd an awful downward spiral last two weeks or so. I gave in and attempted to see my GP, but was told was a 3 week wait unless it's an emergency. I'm no good at advocating for myself so accepted that and tried struggling on. Eventually after being unable to sleep for 4 nights I sought a walk in clinic and am now back on meds and have a doctor's note for a week off, though I'm down 110 quid for the privilege. Hopefully things even out soon. 

Edited April 24 by DCW

[DavidB6937]

37 minutes ago, DCW said:

I'd an awful downward spiral last two weeks or so. I gave in and attempted to see my GP, but was told was a 3 week wait unless it's an emergency. I'm no good at advocating for myself so accepted that and tried struggling on. Eventually after being unable to sleep for 4 nights I sought a walk in clinic and am now back on meds and have a doctor's note for a week off, though I'm down 110 quid for the privilege. Hopefully things even out soon. 

Was there anything in particular that you felt triggered it a few weeks back?

[SuperBacon]

54 minutes ago, DCW said:

I'd an awful downward spiral last two weeks or so. I gave in and attempted to see my GP, but was told was a 3 week wait unless it's an emergency. I'm no good at advocating for myself so accepted that and tried struggling on. Eventually after being unable to sleep for 4 nights I sought a walk in clinic and am now back on meds and have a doctor's note for a week off, though I'm down 110 quid for the privilege. Hopefully things even out soon. 

At one of my lowest ebbs, I was told I'd have to wait 2 weeks to see someone when I foolishly came off my meds, so I walked in to the doctors and when they once again told me of the wait, I shouted in front of a full waiting room that I was going to kill myself there and then. Not my proudest moment but at that time I genuinely did feel like that. I was picked up by an ambulance (more a car really) and taken to hospital where I was looked after until someone came and told them I didnt need sectioning. And one of the nurses gave me a giant double Twix while I was there so that was nice.

You've made the biggest hurdle already in seeking help, well done. You should be proud of that.

And you've already overcome 100% of your worst days. So the fact that you've come through those, means you can come through them in the future. 

I'm proud of you and we're all here for you brother. 

[DCW]

4 hours ago, DavidB6937 said:

Was there anything in particular that you felt triggered it a few weeks back?

Nothing really. Just been increasingly fed up in work. I always tried to keep that separate from home life, but probably bled in I suppose. 

Cheers for the support too. I'm not on many online stuff so it means a good bit to me. 

Edited April 24 by DCW