Mental health

[I Bent My Wookie]

5 hours ago, DCW said:

I'd an awful downward spiral last two weeks or so. I gave in and attempted to see my GP, but was told was a 3 week wait unless it's an emergency. I'm no good at advocating for myself so accepted that and tried struggling on. Eventually after being unable to sleep for 4 nights I sought a walk in clinic and am now back on meds and have a doctor's note for a week off, though I'm down 110 quid for the privilege. Hopefully things even out soon. 

As much as it may not feel it, please take comfort in that even looking for help is a step forward and you are doing okay. 

If you ever want someone to vent to, my messages are always open and know I always take great interest in reading your opinions on here. 

Keep your head up mate, theres always better days ahead. 

[DavidB6937]

Not the biggest fan of 'weeks' as a concept in general - far too many of them, and all different ones worldwide - but one that's close to my heart.

I'm lucky enough to have been doing grief therapy through my son's hospice since he passed, and also different therapy through Mind, and I've been getting the support I need but many don't.

I've recently started working with Samaritans and it's a real eye opener to know all the different things that people go through and the real lows they can experience.

Having an online community like this where I can escape and also feel supported has played a massive part in getting me through some really difficult times too and I consider myself incredibly lucky to have that because so many are alone.

If you're ever feeling like that - you're not alone. There are people out there who will listen. I know life can be tough and cruel and so many other things but you know what? It can also change in an instant. Whether that's today or tomorrow or some time in the future, who knows?

If you'd told me a year after losing my son I'd be at WrestleMania I would've laughed in your face because I genuinely thought it was the end of my life. It's not easy and I absolutely understand why some people can't do life anymore, but just know you've got other options out there and a potential way forward. Sometimes one conversation can save your life.

[DavidB6937]

Mine's felt a bit rubbish lately.

It's one of those really tough things when it feels like people lose interest and stop checking in after a while and so I feel like I've been a bit more isolated in 'year 2' of the grief cycle.

I get it - people can't check in every day or whatever, but whether it's because they still don't know what to say or they just assume things are getting better, I've definitely felt a lot more alone with it recently.

There's no time scale. There's no linear grief cycle or anything. Some days I feel worse now than I ever have done. I've tried to obviously do positive things and channel that energy into important things but that can't be a 24-7 thing. 

I'm glad I've stuck with therapy because that's given me an outlet still that doesn't feel like it has an expiry date on it.

But yeah even the people that were there straight away in the beginning etc don't seem to really ask anymore. Even work feels like it's just returned to how it was, and it just generally feels like there's some sort of expectation for me to just get on with it you know?

[Joe Blog]

2 hours ago, DavidB6937 said:

But yeah even the people that were there straight away in the beginning etc don't seem to really ask anymore. Even work feels like it's just returned to how it was, and it just generally feels like there's some sort of expectation for me to just get on with it you know?

I think this is a key part in this particular situation. I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel day to day. I guess people are the same, we see time as progress and healing for most things and therefore we default to thinking like that for every situation. 
 

Not in the same scenario at all but I was talking to my mum a few days ago and she said how raw her grief over losing her dad still felt 4 years later. I imagine for most people it is default for them to assume because people have had ‘processing’ time that it means they are ‘ok’ now. 
 

I hope you know how inspiring and brave you have been and that your story touched so many of our hearts. I also hope you continue to post in here whenever you need that outlet. 

[Tamura]

Really struggling right now. Everything just feels hopeless and I feel really alone after the breakdown of a close friendship. In addition to ongoing depression issues I think I probably have ADHD, although it can take several years for a diagnosis on the health service and I'm not sure I need to go through it all just to get a formal diagnosis.

My problems probably go all the way back to the teacher that permanently segregated me from the rest of the class when I was about ten, probably due to my ADHD which wasn't really understood back then people were just classed as disruptive. Being made to sit on my own at a desk right in front of the teacher away from the rest of the class pretty much crippled my social growth and made me feel like an outsider. This resulted in me being constantly bullied by other pupils, which only reinforced my feelings of isolation and being an outsider. I became quite introverted and don't have much confidence starting a conversation with strangers. As I became older I managed to "cure" this with alcohol and various other substances, but after a couple of decades of pretty much non-stop partying every weekend I realised that chaotic lifestyle wasn't really for me any more. Sadly that meant a gradual drift away from people I'd known for a long time. I remember someone I used to have a closer friendship with was on holiday with her boyfriend about fifteen miles up the road from where I live. I mentioned this in the hope of meeting up since I've not seen them for probably over ten years at this point, just got a reply about the distance being double that due to bendy roads. Turns out they had no plans that day anyway, she just couldn't even be bothered to get in her car and come and see me. Similar things with other friends too. I get that people's lives change and you don't expect them to drop everything, but when you message someone about maybe meeting up and they don't reply then you tend to stop trying at that point.
 
Working nights and weekends means I miss out on a lot of the gigs that go on locally, or other social things. I try and go to the occasional local (and sometimes further away) gig, but often there's nobody there I know and I just feel alone in a crowd. There's a few people I know that might be there at some gigs, but I don't really know how to make the transition from chatting to someone at gigs occasionally to a closer friendship. Most of my friends seem be outside the UK, which is probably why I like travelling to see my friends' bands play, as I know there will be people there that I know. But we are all getting older and my friends' bands are splitting up or not touring as much any more, so these occasional happy days seem to be happening less and less often. So I'm kind of at the point where I'm wondering if the daily mental and physical pain I'm in is worth putting up with just for the sake of a few occasional get-togethers. 

Went to see the doctor thee weeks ago, got signed off work for a couple of weeks, and got referred to the mental health team. Filled in the questionnaire in advance then they phoned me up for the initial assessment which took about 45 minutes, at the end of which I was immediately discharged from their care and referred to the team that deal with the more urgent cases. The doctor also recommended that work transfer me from working nights to working days, as at this point my job is making me feel worse. Working on my own in a job that doesn't occupy my mind just means I ruminate way too much. When I went into work to hand in my sicknote the manager insisted I stay for a chat and seemed quite receptive about making changes to help me including transferring me from nights to days, which will definitely make my job my diverse and interesting and stop me focussing on negative thoughts. Although, despite saying he'd set some things in motion they haven't actually done anything yet resulting in me having to get another sicknote. Being off for four weeks should trigger an automatic wellness meeting though, so I can go in with the union and see if they are actually going to transfer me. No idea what will happen if they don't, as I'm mostly unemployable these days and it took a minor miracle to get this job.

Social media's version of friendship isn't helping much right now either. I did post about this on there a couple of weeks ago asking that rather than just reacting with "like" or "care" that people instead took the time to reach out and actually speak to me, since at this point I'm not really interested in "friendships" that involve pressing "like" on someone's post a couple of times a year. Going to Andy's Man Club tonight for the first time in a few years, hopefully something good will come from that.

Edited July 13 by Tamura

[DavidB6937]

@Tamura Did you go last night in the end? Did it help at all?

[Tamura]

I hate to make excuses, but I did turn up just before the meeting started at 7pm. Only to find that in the three years since I last attended they've actually moved to another venue miles away. So rather than turn up late and sweating like crazy after a mad dash in the blazing sunshine, I decided to just wait until next week.

[SuperBacon]

@Tamura it really does sound like you're addressing it and being proactive, going to the doctors, getting signed off, meeting with work etc, so those are the first steps so well done mate. Those are also huge steps.

I worked nights for a while and it probably coincided with one of the worst times I've had in my life. I sometimes can't believe I made it through that period to be honest, so I really do empathise.

It'll take time and everyone's journey is different, and what works for some doesn't work for others, but going to social meetings, meeting with others is a great way to keep yourself, and your brain, active. Keep fighting the good fight brother.

[DavidB6937]

Can only echo the above - there's definite positive steps there, and you're obviously trying rather than just sitting back and being completely consumed by it all. Not that there's anything wrong with that - some days you'll need that and that's okay. But overall you're making good positive decisions and that's always something to be proud of.

Just don't overwhelm yourself. I think sometimes it's easy to put pressure on yourself, to try and fix everything at once, or to have too high expectations. There's absolutely nothing wrong with baby steps and one day at a time.

[Tamura]

In unprecedented news, the doctor's phoned me up today and wanted me to go in tomorrow at 10am. Obviously you normally have to ask the doctor's for an appointment not the other way round, so something is going on. But since I have a dentist appointment at 9am miles away that wasn't convenient, so the doctor is now phoning me at 2pm.

[DCW]

Any of you been prescribed quitiapene and managed to live a normal life? I was prescribed 200mg at night and 50mg in the morning about a month ago and it has basically turned me into a zombie. In work I forget lots of things and have lost 3 sets of keys and a wallet recently. My short term memory is also rubbish, forgetting names of people, words and even films we watched at the weekend etc. Doc says its normal and will settle, but I can't see it. Apparently they've given me this as it's not addictive like benzos and z drugs. I can see why!

[I Bent My Wookie]

Finally got myself put forward for a referral for ADHD after a year or so of putting the idea off. Think the idea I can potentially nip away the more frustrating parts of my brain with a diagnosis and medication/therapy just has me feeling a lot more positive about everything. 

[SuperBacon]

1 hour ago, DCW said:

Any of you been prescribed quitiapene and managed to live a normal life? I was prescribed 200mg at night and 50mg in the morning about a month ago and it has basically turned me into a zombie. In work I forget lots of things and have lost 3 sets of keys and a wallet recently. My short term memory is also rubbish, forgetting names of people, words and even films we watched at the weekend etc. Doc says its normal and will settle, but I can't see it. Apparently they've given me this as it's not addictive like benzos and z drugs. I can see why!

I've never been on that, but yeah it should settle down mate. It's a long time since I started any new meds, but was always a bit of a fog for the first few weeks/months and I felt the same but it always has settled. 

Good luck brother and keep fighting the good fight.

[Tamura]

Got referred by the doctors to talking therapies. Completed their online assessment followed by a follow-up phone assessment, they immediately discharged me from their care and referred me to the people that deal with more urgent cases. Spoke to them, and they decided I wasn't urgent enough for them (as in the time all this took I'd improved slightly) and referred me back to the doctor. Also while all this was going on, the doctor had referred me to their in-practice mental health worker who was only there on Thursdays. Get phoned up on the Tuesday saying the person I was going to see isn't there any more and I was being referred back to the doctor. However all this going round in circles did result in an appointment with a very nice doctor who seems to understand me and we've agreed on a path forwards, and I'll be seeing her for every appointment from now on. Still going to Andy's Man Club each week, while I don't think it's the answer on its own I think it's probably useful as I've been a bit more confident since I started going. I went out to a gig the other week that I knew a few friends would be at, and introduced myself (way out of my comfort zone there) to a couple of people I'd seen around for years and years but never spoken to before. Plus I met a guy who remembered me from a club in Bradford back in the 1990s, hopefully meeting up with him for a beer next week. Now all I need is for work to stop dragging their feet, as they've done nothing yet. Went in for the wellnees meeting this week and said I'm able to return to work straight away on days as the doctors have said I'm unfit to work nights at present, they asked if I'd be happy to speak to occupational health, I said fine, they'll be in touch at some point and I'm back in for another wellness meeting on Friday. I've decided to force their hand at the meeting, as I'll be making a complaint about both managers on nights continually bullying me, which should hopefully make it impossible for them to insist on me returning on nights. There's simply no way I'm going back to work if I have to work night shifts on Friday and Saturday night every week for the rest of my life, especially when the store manager agreed to transfer me onto days on the first day of my absence but just hasn't bothered to do it yet.

Edited August 15 by Tamura

[SuperBacon]

23 minutes ago, Tamura said:

they asked if I'd be happy to speak to occupational health, I said fine

I know it sometimes seems as they are an extension of HR, but once when I was referred to occupational health they were a massive help. They were really influential in me bring fast tracked to a years psycho therapy, I'd been on a waiting list for ages until I'd spoken to them. This was 15 years ago, and I'm sure things have changed, but it was very helpful.

Good luck mate.