Bad day at the office?

[SuperBacon]

[Frankie Crisp]

[PowerButchi]

11 hours ago, SuperBacon said:

If you're ever having a terrible day at work, just remember it could be worse. You could be blocking the Suez Canal and causing a massive backlog of ships.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/mar/24/huge-container-ship-blocks-suez-canal-evergreen

Any particularly horrible days you've had at work? I'm trying to rack my brains (I think I've repressed most of them).

I "lost" a company £40,000 in a single day once, I suppose that's pretty bad. 

I also once saw a drunk Housing Officer attempt to set fire to a confidential paper bin to hide evidence of his wrongdoings. At 7.30am, and I was the only one in the office with him, that was a rough start to the day.

Any better stories?

 

I've spent 2 weeks labouring for a tree surgeon with a mangled finger. Because I've only got grip in one hand as I feed things into the chipper it always hits my left hand like a fucking whip. I'm covered in welts, bruises, and I can't wear a glove on my left hand as I can't get my finger into it. It's like a balloon. So I get stabbed to fuck in it from hedges and trees all day. 

 

Let every other fucker die. I want my finger back. 

Edited March 24, 2021 by PowerButchi

[PowerButchi]

Also, anyone that bet on broken in my poll was right. 

[SuperBacon]

I did some work last summer for a friend working in his (frankly obscenely) massive garden as he wanted to help me out and didn't really need a 'professional' gardener.

It was the first time I'd ever used a chipper, although it was a small one that you hand fed (I have no idea what I'm doing obviously, I don't even know if that's the right name)

It made my hands vibrate for the whole day, which made for an exciting wank that night.

[biggs]

My Mrs works for a global logistics company. They have 20 containers of stock on the boat blocking the Suez, plus dozens more in the traffic jam behind. 

Combined with Brexit and Covid issues.... This made today her her worst day in the office! 

[PunkStep]

9 hours ago, Scott Malbranque said:

and clicks his fingers when he stands up to walk - and turns a corner or goes through a door - like he was in West Side Story.

This absolutely killed me

[DCW]

Mixed up paperwork when I was new in my previous job (courts) that ended up with a guy being released on bail when he shouldn't have been. Not believing his good fortune, he went out and stole a car, took a chase involving the helicopter and armed police and ended up crashing and having to be tasered before being arrested again. Thankfully he hurt nobody but himself, and that was just minor bruises/scrapes. I hated that job from that day on and triple checked every bit of paperwork before signing off on it.

[Briefcase]

I think one of my worst was when I also worked in a hotel. I worked a really long weekend of 12 hour shifts so by the end of the weekend my mind was completely gone and I forgot to check someone in on the system that had extended a booking in the same room, a regular who would stay every week on business, always up for a chat, gave us great reviews, almost the perfect guest in that respect. 

Anyway because I didn't check him in, his room was down as vacant on our system (you can see where this is going...) so I had a newly wed couple (who got married that day!) arrive to check in who were staying and flying out on their honeymoon the very next day, obviously I thought that room was vacant and checked them in. Some 5 minutes later to my horror they've come back down saying they've walked into a room with some guy in there wanking himself off watching TV. The funny (and lucky) thing is that they've walked into the room and he didn't even see them as he was that focused on the job at hand. Imagine just wanking and not seeing two people walk into the room staring at you.

They were a young couple and took it as well as you could in those situations and saw the funny side. Other than apologise a hundred times I had to offer a full refund, vouchers, free food/drink etc. And they gave us a 10/10 review which probably saved my job.

As for the business guy, for the next 6 or so months I had to worry that he might say something and also talk to him knowing what had happened and to add the icing on the story, his surname was Cockburn.

He still gave us great reviews every week so how I managed to survive this I'll never know, even to this day I do wonder whether he did saw them and was embarrassed to say anything or if he was totally oblivious to it all. I think the lesson learnt from all this (other than to do my job properly) is to always lock the door if having a wank in a hotel (or anywhere really).  

[gmoney]

25 minutes ago, Briefcase said:

The funny (and lucky) thing is that they've walked into the room and he didn't even see them as he was that focused on the job at hand. Imagine just wanking and not seeing two people walk into the room staring at you.

 

Did he have headphones on? Really, they should have made him a cup of tea using the tea and coffee making facilities and left it by his side. 

[Chris B]

1 hour ago, Briefcase said:

I think one of my worst was when I also worked in a hotel. I worked a really long weekend of 12 hour shifts so by the end of the weekend my mind was completely gone and I forgot to check someone in on the system that had extended a booking in the same room, a regular who would stay every week on business, always up for a chat, gave us great reviews, almost the perfect guest in that respect. 

Anyway because I didn't check him in, his room was down as vacant on our system (you can see where this is going...) so I had a newly wed couple (who got married that day!) arrive to check in who were staying and flying out on their honeymoon the very next day, obviously I thought that room was vacant and checked them in. Some 5 minutes later to my horror they've come back down saying they've walked into a room with some guy in there wanking himself off watching TV. The funny (and lucky) thing is that they've walked into the room and he didn't even see them as he was that focused on the job at hand. Imagine just wanking and not seeing two people walk into the room staring at you.

They were a young couple and took it as well as you could in those situations and saw the funny side. Other than apologise a hundred times I had to offer a full refund, vouchers, free food/drink etc. And they gave us a 10/10 review which probably saved my job.

As for the business guy, for the next 6 or so months I had to worry that he might say something and also talk to him knowing what had happened and to add the icing on the story, his surname was Cockburn.

He still gave us great reviews every week so how I managed to survive this I'll never know, even to this day I do wonder whether he did saw them and was embarrassed to say anything or if he was totally oblivious to it all. I think the lesson learnt from all this (other than to do my job properly) is to always lock the door if having a wank in a hotel (or anywhere really).  

Well, since we're onto work wanking stories...

 

I used to work in an internet cafe, back when that was a thing (up in York, which meant it was an oddly quaint cyber cafe). Middle-aged, somewhat creepy guy comes in, just as we're beginning to get busy. Looks like a sweaty banker. He insists on a corner computer. I do not trust him, but can't go based on that. Give him the computer.

He's there for about half and hour, maybe an hour. There's a cleaning cupboard behind that computer, so I conveniently have to get one or two things. Each time I go past, windows suddenly minimise. It gets busy enough that all the computers are used, including the one opposite (with a young, particularly attractive blonde). 

He pays and leaves, making a point to get a receipt to charge it to his company. Shortly after, I go over to check the browser history, which we had to regularly empty on all the computers anyway. There is so much porn. Like, so much. Like, I'm genuinely quite impressed just how much porn he's looked at in the time he's been there. Before deleting it, I go over to a co-worker and mention 'you would not believe how much porn that creepy guy was looking at while he was there'. The guy laughs, and goes to check it out. 

The co-worker comes back, ready to hit me. Absolutely furious, and it's not clear why. And he shouts 'Did you look at the seat?'. Which I hadn't, as I hadn't sat down. But he had.

There was cum all over the seat and dripping from the bottom of the table. And, now, all over my co-workers trousers. He had to go home and change.

What made it creepier, along with the attractive woman sat opposite him, was that the desk, and anyone sat at it, was easily visible from the window and street. While what was on the computer was obscured, he wasn't - so anyone walking past would have been able to see what he was doing if they looked. Which was clearly part of it.

[SuperBacon]

Nice one Chris, Bacon's crying.

[neil]

Sounds like "Evil Eye" in York...I've been there many years ago to use the internet. It was not me that did the wanking tho.

[marc2j]

My second story, in the same online stockbroking job...

I had hired a load of temps for our call centre, based on our new 'app' that was bound to generate loads of questions. It didn't. The app was cool and nifty, but all our clients were pensioners and as a result, no one used it and we had no questions.

Having hired six temps, we realised that four of them could probbaly sod off. My boss, a hulking northern fella from Sunderland asked me for one name to can by the end of the day.

Jenny was that girl. She was hopeless. Far more interested in talking about Emmerdale the night before, a 'wrong first time' attitude and whilst bubbly and incredibly friendly - proper useless.

So, I told Mike to get rid. He assured me he would.

Me and the other call centre supervisors all left at the same time and got on the train. As the doors closed, we saw her shuffling towards the doors. The gods shone on us as the doors closed and we saw her face sink. We knew she had been sacked and didnt really want the awkwardness of that conversation.

Sadly for us, as trains sometimes do, the doors re-opened and she got on. She got on, as did another temp, called Ray.

It dawned on us really quickly that Mike had not 'spoken' to her as promised. She told us how much she was looking forward to coming in on Monday.

Then she received a phone call. From her agency. She very loudly announced that 'all the temps had been sacked'.

Ray, furious, immediately rang the agency, to be assured that only one of the temps had been let go. Which the agency said. ON LOUD SPEAKER.

We then had the horrible joy of a further 30 minutes standing up in the train with her as she cried most of the way home.

My other manager, who was a very good mate of mine, decided to get off the train a whole stop early and walk. Such was his inability to deal with the situation.

Superb. 

She added me on Facebook later that day. I politely declined that request.

[Chris B]

56 minutes ago, neil said:

Sounds like "Evil Eye" in York...I've been there many years ago to use the internet. It was not me that did the wanking tho.

Looking back, the guy was also looking at a lot of Mike Awesome gifs...

 

It wasn't Evil Eye. It was 'Internet Exchange', but on the same street as Evil Eye. I used to go into Evil Eye as well - loved that place. It was half an opium den, half an internet cafe. They had some stools and desks, along with a four poster bed and sofas. They sold cajun popcorn, which was amazing. They also sold a 'death shot', which was half Russian Black Vodka and half absinthe. Made me pissed from the legs up - I was doing fine until I got off the stool.