Paid Members Scott Malbranque Posted March 24, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted March 24, 2021 Every day is a bad day at the office for me in this current place of employ. The main reason being that little rat in my office who whistles all day, eats apples, ends every single sentence with a condescending question mark inflection and clicks his fingers when he stands up to walk - and turns a corner or goes through a door - like he was in West Side Story. He bought a 2011 Skoda Octavia last week because - and I quote - "It shows my progression in society?". He also said to one of the girls here "As you can see, I keep myself very fit?" because he goes for a walk with his dog in the evenings. And, even though myself and a couple of others here know that he ate an apple that I wiped a days worth of arse on, it doesn't help or placate me in any way. Also, he's a grass and a brown nose to anyone in an authoritative position within the company. A lass - sound, bubbly, chatty, funny (which he took umbrage with) - started in November. Made her life hell and had her sacked before Christmas. Every day, I have to look at that little shitebah. And I hate being angry, because that's not me and the fact I'm angry and letting that energy out of me, angers me even more, but for some reason this lad really gets me wound up, literally the guts of 9 hours a day. Just the sight of the Oxo slurping bastard. Rent free. With supper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 47 minutes ago, Scott Malbranque said: he ate an apple that I wiped a days worth of arse on, it doesn't help or placate me in any way. Also, he's a grass and a brown nose That's what you get if you eat shit smeared apples. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members JNLister Posted March 24, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted March 24, 2021 3 hours ago, BomberPat said: oh, and when I worked in a zoo one day one of the macaques got hold of a stanley knife. One day somebody is going to have the absolute worst day at work: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members JNLister Posted March 24, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) (dubs) Edited March 24, 2021 by JNLister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members JNLister Posted March 24, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted March 24, 2021 (edited) [trips] Â Edited March 24, 2021 by JNLister Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SuperBacon Posted March 24, 2021 Author Share Posted March 24, 2021 1 minute ago, JNLister said: One day somebody is going to have the absolute worst day at work: Â Just now, JNLister said: One day somebody is going to have the absolute worst day at work: Groundhog Day? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members marc2j Posted March 24, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted March 24, 2021 Ummed and ah'd over which one to go with, as I have two. One of the supervisors, who was a horrible, horrible woman, was chatting to me and a colleague about the 'V Festival'. She was a horrible supervisor, a worse human being and was incredibly predatory around the young lads who joined the firm. Being Essex scummers, we were all booked to go to V. She lamented the fact very loudly that she had to pay for a camping ticket to get in - she didn't want to go camping as 'she didn't know what she would catch'. Thinking I was incredibly clever, I immediately emailed my colleague and said 'I know exactly what she will catch. Slag', Except of course I didn't email him. I sent it straight to her. As I watched my life crumble before my eyes, I tried to recall it with no success. I immediately jumped up and very publicly apologised to her, in front of everyone. Saved my job in the end - ended up with a final written warning, lost my £4k bonus and had two more years of her trying to get me sacked at every opportunity she could. (Rightly so to be fair). She was still the winner though. Two years after that I went for a job at some place in Docklands. Wandered in, had the bestest interview ever. Wandered out and walked straight into HER. I'm pretty sure I would've got at least a second interview, but nah, nothing. So a winner was her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Lion_of_the_Midlands Posted March 24, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted March 24, 2021 I used to work for a magician. One day me and another guy who I worked with dropped an antique magic trick worth in the region of 20 grand down a flight of stairs and smashed it to pieces. It was insured, but it was neither replaceable or repairable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr_Danger Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 5 hours ago, BomberPat said: oh, and when I worked in a zoo one day one of the macaques got hold of a stanley knife. Should have chucked it in with a bear and answered the aged old question. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 Wasn’t in an office because I did real working class work, it was in a warehouse. Had a new temp who looked real nervous and his eyes blinked and winked like fuck. He went missing as a vehicle needed unloading so I went looking for him. Found him hidden in pallets having a wank. He didn’t bother waiting to get sacked, he just left. His shift wasn’t the only thing he didn’t finish. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chili Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 I'm being TUPE to Gloucester in my job. Want me in the office three days a week. This has lead to having a minor breakdown because legally I can't do shit and basically need to wait for them to make me redundant as I can't travel that far when they won't cover any expenses. This and not being able to continue live performance has absolutely wrecked me mentally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paid Members Wretch Posted March 24, 2021 Paid Members Share Posted March 24, 2021 Had a prisoner throw a cup of piss at me the other week, so that was nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 Sorry about that. [\Devon] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Blog Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 When I worked at a hotel during 6th form I was mainly on room service. My brothers mate also worked there and we would usually be on shift together. If it was quiet we would go up to the rooms together, one of us holding the doors etc for the other so there was no need for balancing acts with the trays. My mate banged on a door screamed 'WOOOOOMMMMM SERVIIIICEEEE" and proceeded to leg it down the corridor. I vowed to get revenge. A few weeks later we were on shift again, I checked what checks we had on and hid on the floor he would be delivering to near the staff lift. The lift doors opened and I burst out of my hiding spot bellowing "MOTHER FUCCCKKKKEEERRRR" only to see the manager of the entire department absolutely shit himself and fling a tray across the floor which had champagne and meals on it. Turned out it was a VIP order so he wanted to drop it off personally. Needless to say I got a right bollocking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keith Houchen Posted March 24, 2021 Share Posted March 24, 2021 Ooh that reminds me of a story. Back in the early 90s, one of my ex wives worked at a hotel where Coventry City players were out when they signed. Forum favourite Robert Rosario was staying there and took a shine to my ex’s mate Kay. He was always on to her, asking what shifts she was working and being rather forward.  One night he rang down for room service, a bottle of champagne and two glasses. He requested that Kay brought it to his room. She really didn’t want to do it so asked my ex to bring it up to Roseys room. She proceeds to knock on the door and say “Room Service”. The door opened and there stood Rosario with a huge smile on his face and nothing else. He was completely bollock naked and when he saw Kay wasn’t at the door a look of horror shot across his face and he asked if Kay was working? He was told no and he took the champagne and closed the door quick smart. Within a few days he found a house to live in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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