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Frightening encounters


John Matrix

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After recently reading about a horrible ordeal suffered by one of my favourite board members, this latest experience couldn’t have come at a better time...

Picture the scene.  It’s 2am.  I’ve just shut my laptop down after a freelance night shift and since I’m still awake, think I’ll save myself 5 mins in the morning by taking it downstairs and getting my lunch ready.

Whilst making my sandwiches, I hear a faint tapping sound.  I ignored it for a minute or two before stepping into the living room where it got louder and as I got closer to the front door it was clear someone was tapping on the glass.

Now shitting myself, I peeked around the doorway into the entrance way and could see a silhouette at the door.  It was a “I’ve seen them, but they haven’t seen me” situation and a stalemate.  I didn’t want to answer or alert them to my presence, but neither did I want to take my eyes off them.

after about 10 mins of tapping, I caved and answered the door - in my defence the silhouette looked a little like my mother in law who lives 150yds up the street and would know ringing the door bell would wake the kids, plus, it was 2am and I was getting drowsy, so it wasn’t entirely implausible.

Suffice to say it wasn’t her!  I’d only opened the door about an inch, when I was met with the face of a homeless woman, maybe in her late thirties but looking every bit in her 50s, tired, weathered and haggard, begging me to let her in.

Now you can think what you like of me at this stage, but with three young children In the house, I shut the door pronto and rang the police immediately!

”Go upstairs, don’t engage, she’ll soon get bored and try somewhere else”  Did she fuck!

25 mins later I’m back on the phone to the police, begging them to send someone round, all sorts going through my head - is it an attempted distraction burglary, is she running from someone, will she turn violent if I don’t let her in etc.

45 mins later the finally turn up, her still standing and knocking on our front door.  Turns out she was well known to them, doesn’t engage with or access services etc.  

Last time they picked her up was the other side of town, so she wasn’t local to us - they think she idea the buses till chucking off time - essentially said there was nothing they could do but shoo her away, which they literally did, following her in their van as she shuffled a few slow steps at a time into the darkness when, I presume, she became someone else’s problem - I couldn’t believe they didn’t take her somewhere, secure unit, hostel, anywhere!

Anyway, by the time they’d gone (I was tracking them from every window and vantage point I could access, it was about 3:45 and, wide a fucking wake and not wanting to take any chances, I popped out to satisfy myself that there was no one within a mile of the house...which is when I found a makeshift bed on our driveway, made from cardboard taken out of our recycling bin (‘‘twas bin night), typically i’d just broken up the box our latest car seat came in earlier that day.  

Wasn’t touching that fucker until daylight when I could see what I was dealing with, hence the early morning photo.

So yeah, pretty fucking terrifying if I’m honest.  I’ve left out the bit where I sat in my holey pyjama bottoms brandishing a rolling pin ‘just in case’ - interestingly, even in that scenario with my wife and children potentially under threat, my stomach churned at the gut reaction which was to grab a knife for protection.

As angry as the whole thing made me, the possible danger to my family etc, I found the whole ordeal pretty upsetting too, the way she was just ushered away into the shadows, had made a fucking bed on our driveway, that someone else will presumably experience something similar in the not too distant future.

70E09653-6C42-4785-B73A-43489045F0D3.jpeg

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Not scary like John's story but it reminded me of a weirdo I encountered once. Years ago I bought a really cool vintage synthesiser off ebay for my sister's birthday, I paid for postage and stuff and just expected it to be delivered shortly.

I can't remember how long after but I was at home watching TV with my siblings, it was 1 in the morning and pouring with rain when the doorbell rang, my brother got up to answer it and I followed a few seconds after to see what was going on. At the door was a really weird looking bloke, like a 5'2 Brad Dourif with long greasy hair and coke bottle glasses. He stood in the rain staring at my brother for a sec before asking him "are you Bellenda?" My brother replied no then the guy threw a bulky black binbag at my brother before literally running off into the night. I started to follow after him to see what his deal was when my brother called me over to show me that in the bag was a vintage synthesiser. It was absolutely pristine as well, I have no idea why he was such a weird bastard about it.

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About five or six years ago, someone was trying the handle on the front door. It was only about 7pm, but winter, so dark out, and I could see a shape behind the glass. I yelled something like 'what the fuck are you doing?' but the handle kept going up and down like mad, and they started kicking and shouldering at the door so roughly, I thought they were going to break it. In hindsight, this is pretty stupid, but at the time my instinct was to open the door and physically send them on their way, whoever it was. My only contextual clue was they were really trying to get in, and as I turned the handle, I was so sure it was a mad gang with knives that that's practically what I saw as it opened. Instead, it was a man so drunk he could barely stand, nor remember where he lived, who fell into me, wondering why I was in his house. In the brief struggle between two men both fighting off the intruders in their homes, I wrestled him outside, more confused than anything, telling him to fuck off as he tried to get on his bike and fell off twice on the way up the path, presumably to fall in a ditch somewhere where he lays as a skeleton to this day.

I have no street smarts and will definitely be murdered someday.

In another story that would put bAzTNM's tales of Glasgow to shame, one Christmas Eve, my mum opened her front door to find some random drunk pissing up against it, even though I swear it's a nice area.

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When I was about 21 me and a mate had gone out to see, of all things, All Star Wrestling at the Sunderland empire. No its not the Gangrel story again. We decided to have a drink afterwards, so went into town. We saw a few old pals from college in the same place, but I was canny knackered from work so I told him "I'l be off home, stay if you want." So I'm on my way home and I got a call that there was a party on at my other mates house and it was literally a 2 minutes from where I was walking home. So I went "I'll have a pop in for 5 minutes." This being the mid-2000s and me thinking "party" meant there'd be chicken legs and egg sarnies on the table, not fat lads drinking, I was a bit dissapointed with the spread.

Anyway, his house was like a student flat type of thing. It was really confusing, because it was in a gated area, with loads of flats together. Which meant it was easy to get to his flat, but a bastard to leave. No word of a lie, it took me a good 20 minutes to find the door. I couldnt find a light, so I'm up and down these fucking stairs for ages, thinking I may never leave. I'm at the ground floor, and I'm chuffed that I can leave this Crystal Maze round before I heard the harmonica play and be told I'd have to give up a crystal to leave the place. I'm struggling away at the door, and finally get it open and there's three skinheads sitting on chairs. No couches. Just chairs. Drinking cans and looking like they just got sacked from Rompa Stompa the Musical. "What the fuck you doing?" in strong Mackem accents. I'm in their living room, and I have no fucking clue how I got there. I just run like fuck. Me walking in at half 11 holding a keyring featuring former WCW star PN News and a "Big Time Wrestling" programme signed by PCO into a skinheads drug den (I assume, it could be a rent boys hideout, but would that have been a relief?) I shit myself. I think I ran more than I'd ever ran in my life. I found the exit pretty easy after that encounter. It terrified me, because they looked like they'd tie me to a tree of some shit for just walking in their living room.

Years later, I saw one of them in the Sunderland library of all places. He never recognised me, thank God, but he didnt seem to frightening during the daytime. He was more of a fat old post card punk, than a racist skinhead, so maybe we could have all had a cup of tea and a chat while listening to that great Metal Box LP by Pil on those garden chairs in his front room.

There was also an occassion recently, when I just came back from a fancy dress party as the lovely Debbie McGee, and while waiting for a bus decided to have my banana sarnies and takeaway outside someones house. So I knocked at the blokes door for a bit to see if he had any tomato sauce, and the cunt phoned the police on me. Quite the encounter. Looked a bit like Arnie from Commando.

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13 hours ago, IANdrewDiceClay said:

 

Quote

Me walking in at half 11 holding a keyring featuring former WCW star PN News and a "Big Time Wrestling" programme signed by PCO into a skinheads drug den

Take a bow Sir! This is the best line i have read on the UKFF all year! 😂

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When I was about 13/14, I was babysitting for my brothers as my Mam and Dad had gone for a few in the local. I fell asleep watching MOTD, as per, and woke up about 2 in the morning because the phone kept ringing. Wandered through the kitchen to find someone had unscrewed the air vent next to the back door and tried to get the keys but they'd snagged in the curtain. I ran and grabbed the keys so they couldn't come back and ran, shitting myself to find some old paint tins and micro machines to defend the house. The phone rang again so I answered it and was relieved to find it was it my Mam. They'd come back from the pub hours ago, knocked and knocked and rang and rang but I wouldn't wake up and I'd left my key in the door so they couldn't get in. They'd been at the next door neighbours and the neighbou and my Dad had unscrewed the air vent.

There was a lad on the front page of the local rag yesterday who has just been locked up (again) for some drug offences. He pulled a knife on me one night coming back from the fair. Luckily, I recognised him from school and he decided not to mug or stab me. Should invoice him for the slightly stained undies.

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18 hours ago, IANdrewDiceClay said:

There was also an occassion recently, when I just came back from a fancy dress party as the lovely Debbie McGee, and while waiting for a bus decided to have my banana sarnies and takeaway outside someones house. So I knocked at the blokes door for a bit to see if he had any tomato sauce, and the cunt phoned the police on me. Quite the encounter. Looked a bit like Arnie from Commando.

Nearly choked on my cuppa reading that part, outstanding! 

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Weird situation tonight.  I popped into the Sainsburies in Fallowfied to buy Spider-Man from the Argos they have in there.  Came out of that bit, and the Sainsburies collection of games and dvd’s are right next to it.  Saw a bloke and a teenager picking Spider-Man up off the shelf, so I just said “it’s 15 quid cheaper at the moment in the Argos bit”.  The bloke glared at me with a look of hatred and said “do we look like fucking pikeys?  We can afford a fucking game if we want one”, and the younger guy followed up with “cunt”.  I stood there shocked for a moment, till dad (I presume)  also called me a fucking cunt.  Very puzzled I said suit yourself and walked off.  

Went to the bread aisle, and noticed dad stood at the end staring at me, and son at the other end.  Guy filling the shelf muttered “shit they’re at it again, and walked off.  I’m working out what to grab in case one of them makes a dive for me, when 2 security appeared, and started frog marching dad off.  Son ran after them screaming at them to let him go, also calling them cunts (appears to be a favourite word of there’s).  The shelf guy re-appeared along with the manager to see if I was ok.  Seemingly they are regulars who just mull about until someone talks to them, then they go crazy.  They are banned from the store, but manage to sneak in as there are several enterences.  Security insisted on seeing me to my car, but no sign of them.  

Spider-Man’s a fucking good game though!

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When I stupidly joined the reserve Police here about 9 years ago on one of my first calls we were sent to an attempted break in at about 4am on a Friday night/Saturday morning. We'd done feck all that night other than telling drunks to go home or stop pissing in shop doorways. I was quite pleased with myself actually. Got to the house about 4 mins after call came over, first car there, me and the two regular lads who got stuck with me. House owner said he thinks they ran into the trees/bushes at the back of his house, and there's no real way out from there as wall was massive. Dog a few doors down was going nuts. Three of us went down with our batons drawn (I still had bother flicking mine out) and had a good poke around for a while (I was the only one with a working torch for some reason so had to give it to the proper lads) but we couldn't see anything, and I was scared shitless and didn't want to see anything. Was a load of break ins in that area at the time (South County Dublin) as it's quite well off, so they asked for the helicopter to have a look. Took about 10 mins for it to come. Another car had arrived too, so was 5 of us in total now. The helicopter saw something straight away, and told us to stand about 5 feet apart and to start walking, slowly directing us in. Then "fourth on the right, straight in front of you in the bushes, reach out and you should have something"

I worked out it was me they were talking about and was bricking it, but reached out with the baton and had a jab and felt something distinctly non tree. I think I blurted out "Yeah" or something panicked to the others, and in that split second a little wiry lad dressed completely in black sprinted out, knocked me on my arse out of sheer fright and made a run for it. Two of the other lads got him nearly straight away and had him on the ground and he was effing and blinding away. Fucker had been there the whole time. He must have been holding his breath for the 30/40 mins we were there, he was that quiet and still. Scared the absolute life out of me, and I couldn't believe it. I still can't thinking back on it.

Suffice to say that I figured out the world of policing was not for me. I stayed in for another 2 years out of pride of not quitting straight away, but mainly only showed up for big public events and stuff like that where you only were giving directions or pouring teenagers badly hidden drink out or whatever.

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I'm perhaps lucky enough not to had many frightening situations confront me. The worst was probably back in the early 2000s when I was staying in a friend's house in Belfast for the night watching TV in the living room when two big burley men told all of us to go upstairs except for two lads they wanted to talk to. Turned out the big men were a part of the IRA's South Belfast contingent whom also worked as bouncers at a local bar that the two lads being "talked to" had the previous night started a row that ended up wrecking a side room. These two men were BIG - I'm a stocky 6ft3 but these two bouncers dwarfed me. The two troublemakers were told simply not to enter the bar in the future or there'd be worse to come. In the situation at the time they were perhaps a little fortunate not be physically dealt with.

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