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Stuff that happened as a child that really shouldnt have.

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4 hours ago, BomberPat said:

Frankly, I was most perplexed by why anyone would use a starting pistol for indoor five-a-side.

Whistle gone missing?

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I nearly got nonced twice, once by a priest and once by a weird bloke.  Apparently all the adults knew the weird bloke had form but didn't mind all the kids hanging out with him.  After both incidents, my parents laughed at me.

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9 hours ago, Keith Houchen said:

I nearly got nonced twice, once by a priest and once by a weird bloke.

Let's not go stereotyping here.

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On 5/31/2018 at 8:28 PM, Astro Hollywood said:

So, then came cross country runs. Like Pat said, a truly insane thing when you look back on it. We were made to run all the way round our massive field, out onto an extremely busy main road, then through a bunch of residential streets until we came back in through the rear carpark of the school. Even at a good clip, it was a 40 minute run. Every winter (always fucking winter), we'd go through this Hell, and me and my fat mates would always hobble across the line some 20 minutes after everyone else, limping into the changing room still in our sweaty gear, soaked with rain, clutching at the stitches in our abdomens, while the other kids were already showered and back in their uniforms. Whatever lesson was next, we'd be late for it.

Yeah, that was like us. Us fat kids would be started 20 minutes before the rest started so we could get in the showers without taking a kicking in them.

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I enjoyed PE. Evidently I was the only person in the country to.

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I enjoyed PE once it got to sixth form, and finally the PE teachers accepted that it wasn't worth the effort of forcing me to go anymore and it was mutually accepted that I'd bunk off but stay out of trouble and just hang out in the common room, and they'd turn a blind eye for the benefit of not having to put up with my bullshit.

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Yep that’s pretty much my memory of PE. Fortunately for me I lived opposite the school, so rather than stay in the common room I could just go home and eat crumpets 

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Once they established who was worth teaching and left the rest of us to have a kick about it was fun. 

The 2 or 3 years of standing in line in the rain for 20 minutes to run into a pad or sit in the mud while you get a lecture on turning with the ball but never actually trying it was shit. 

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I enjoyed PE when we were doing stuff that I was good at, i.e. athletics and rugby. The teachers had their favourites, and would let some absolute tossers get away with all sorts, but they left me alone for a lot of it.

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2 hours ago, PowerButchi said:

I enjoyed PE. Evidently I was the only person in the country to.

I thoroughly enjoyed PE too.

Hate hearing Astros story as it just wasn't like that at my school and our PE teacher (Barry Round) was a fine man.

Astros Venn diagram of sporty and bully being a complete circle always upsets me too.

I represented the school at Football for 7 years, never missing a game. I was opening bowler for the cricket team once it was discovered I played regularly outside of school. I ran the 1500m for my school at every meet too and held the school record for my age (year 9) up until a few years ago which I found out when bumping into Mr Round in a pub in town, I also did triple jump for the school.

I was a very sporty young lad and throw myself into most things, cricket and running being my favourites truth be told.

I was never a bully, away from sport my friends were the music buffs of the school, and I was entrenched with the 'geeky' lot as I could talk Babylon 5 and Next Generation with them whilst trying to understand A Level physics.

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3 hours ago, PowerButchi said:

I enjoyed PE. Evidently I was the only person in the country to.

Nah I enjoyed PE most of the time even if I was an overweight kid. Gaelic football, basketball, five-a-side soccer, badminton, gymnastics, some field athletics like the high jump and shot put, unihoc etc. The only one that I didn't like was cross-country running but I was on good enough terms with the PE teachers that I always used to be able to sneak on to the trip at the end of the school year for all those who ran for the school in Ulster cross-country race meetings!

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I enjoyed PE, trouble was I was a late developer, I was 5'2" when I left school.  As a result, I loved playing Rugby but used to get battered.  Then in the 5th year the teacher had the great idea of splitting the class into size so all the smaller lads had a game against each other and I was pretty good when playing against people of a similar size to me.

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On 6/3/2018 at 1:57 PM, PowerButchi said:

I enjoyed PE. Evidently I was the only person in the country to.

Selective audience here. @Teedy Kay aside geeky types who got into and are to varying degrees still into wrestling and want to discuss it on an Internet forum are probably not the same people who were amazing at football / rugby at school. They're too busy off being cool and getting off with the Upper Sixth.

For the record: fucking hated PE. The ritual humiliation and degradation has put me off any physical exercise for life. I'm happy you enjoyed it though Butch.

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I hated PE, but I was (and am) scrawny and unathletic, and - especially at school - reluctant to invest any effort whatsoever into something I wasn't good at, nor enjoyed. Throw in years of getting the piss taken out of me for being skinny, and the ever-looming threat of a shower-watching PE teacher, and you've got everything you need for hatred of the subject, and of changing rooms in general.

@Onyx2 - ritual humiliation and degradation is exactly right. Can't abide it. Even if I had actually enjoyed sports at all, I'm sure everything surrounding it would have put me off. It's only in the last few years that I've been involved in wrestling that I've become remotely interested in physical activity, or felt remotely comfortable in a busy changing room for the first time in my life!

To his credit, I did have one decent PE teacher - while I was sat on the sidelines one lesson, he came and sat next to me and said he knew I wasn't really interested in playing football, but asked if there were any sports I was interested in, and tried to make a few suggestions based on what he could gather from my build and very limited set of skills, and it was through him that I ended up playing a bit of tennis now and then and, while never being good at it, enjoying it a bit. Most PE teachers just seem to not remotely care about kids that aren't going to put the effort in and clearly have no interest in the subject, and to be honest I find it hard to blame them - my Music and Art teachers were exactly the same in that respect.

I had that PE teacher for my last ever PE lesson, and I figured that I'd actually have a stab at playing football well, rather than lurking in defence and trying to stay out of the way. Had the ball in midfield, got tackled so hard I left my feet, landing on the back of my head, was taken off - all the while insisting that I felt fine - ten minutes later I was throwing up in the changing rooms. That'll teach me a thing or two about actually trying!

Edited by BomberPat

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On ‚Äé6‚Äé/‚Äé1‚Äé/‚Äé2018 at 9:20 AM, BomberPat said:

Fucking hell, I just remembered Victorian Day.

Oh yes, we had Victorian Day too where we'd try and write with knackered old ink pens, and someone would be given a bag of coal to present to the teacher to pay for the lesson.

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That's me one the left, leaning on the radiator.

I didn't hate PE per se, I just didn't like the endless football and bullying which is what it mostly descended into at middle and upper school. In primary, PE was essentially assault courses now that I think about it. Lots of apparatus set up to climb or jump on, mats to do forward and backward rolls on (and cartwheels if you were a show-off) and throwing beanbags and quoits into baskets. I don't remember ever playing any kind of team sports there.

At the other two schools, especially upper school, it was football, tennis, football, rugby, football, volleyball, football, cricket, football, basketball. The PE teacher was a proper insecure, overly macho bloke who was very likely a football hooligan outside of school. I didn't like football, and as I was built like a pipecleaner, I wasn't keen on rugby either. Unfortunately these were the only two sports that really counted in the teacher's eyes. Cricket I was indifferent to, basketball, volleyball and tennis/badminton I liked.

The PE teacher can be pretty much summed up by three particular incidents:

1 - Michael White basically getting lariatted by one of the big athletic lads during a game of rugby. Arm round the neck and dropped him to the floor. "Now that's rugby!" shouts the teacher.

2- Being given the option to play a half term of hockey instead of more football. Five of us took up the offer, and we walked off the field to a chorus of homophobic chanting led by the teacher, because hockey was a girl's sport. At least with hockey I actually got to touch the ball instead of spending 50 minutes running up and down the field while the bigger boys pass it to one another.

3- Being offside and not being thoroughly ashamed of myself. This was the week when the offside rule was brought into play. I'm not into football, so I had no idea what it was. The teacher wouldn't explain it, because all real men already knew what it was.
During the game there was a yell of "What are you doing? Get onside!". I just stood there looking lost and the teacher lost his shit, screaming at me to get back to the changing room before he "smashed my fucking skull in".

 

Cross country at middle school was - I was convinced - what they had us do when they couldn't be bothered to teach or bring stuff up from the equipment store. The school had three fields that linked with each other, so we'd be made to run the perimeter of them until the lesson was over. The only vaguely enjoyable memory I have from this was the week it was really thick fog and the teacher couldn't see all the way to the end of the field, so as soon as she was engulfed, we'd cut across the middle.
Of course, there was no victory in this, as it just meant we had a higher lap count as we ran, and ran, and ran, and ran until she blew the whistle to show the lesson was over.

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